Aisbett - 30 days 30 ways: to overcome depression

CONTENTS

To Sri Parvati Sundari

for so much

CONTENTS

All of my books are written through LIVED EXPERIENCE , so I know youre hurting and how bad you feel. Ive been there and I know the dark hole of depression is a HORRIBLE place to find yourself.

It may surprise you to know that I still make the occasional (but rare) return visit to that dark hole when the going gets tough.

But not for LONG and not too DEEPLY . Now I know BETTER and thats what Im handing on to you in this book the things that have turned my visits into quick DROP-INS , rather than long PRISON SENTENCES .

Im not always going to go easy on you, quite simply because patting your hand isnt going to HELP .

All the sympathy in the world isnt going to motivate you to MOVE ON . Im not going to invest ONE MINUTE in your disempowerment. Im not going to tell you youre a VICTIM , because then youll start believing you are. Im going to call on you to step up and out of this darkness because you CAN . And I believe that you got yourself into this big, dark hole because it was the only thing you knew how to do in response to STRESS, LOSS or HURT .

Those old responses of retreat, shutdown and numbness that once PROTECTED you are now not only UNHELPFUL and INEFFECTIVE , but they are also doing you HARM . Its time to find a different way of managing the tough things that come along with life, instead of going into COLLAPSE .

Now, Im assuming that if youve picked up this book it means that youre finally fed up with being in this hole and are ready to move on. Or it may be that someone has plonked this book down in front of you because THEYRE fed up and want you to move on.

Either way, its time for you to start climbing, and if youre ready to give it your best shot and put in a bit of work on yourself, this book will guide you on that climb.

You can do the 30 Days any way you like as DAILY exercises or WEEKLY or MONTHLY its up to you. You can even go back and repeat days if you want to. All youll need is a pen and paper, and an open mind.

One thing I ask is this: once youve started, KEEP GOING . Make that commitment to yourself because you DONT DESERVE to feel this lousy and you really dont NEED to.

So, are you ready? Good. Lets get CRACKING !

Yep life is no walk in the park. Its not EASY , its not SMOOTH ; it doesnt unfold all NEAT and TIDY like a Hollywood movie.

There are times when life slams you HARD . There are times when your heart BREAKS .

And if youve picked up this book, I suspect youre going through (or have gone through) at least one of these times.

I HEAR YOU. I GET IT .

You could tell me your story and it would have the same title as every other story of depression Its Not Fair.

Well, heres the thing. Nobody ever carved in stone Life will be FAIR . Despite this, at the heart of our disappointments and sorrows is the idea that life SHOULD be fair and that unfair things should not happen to us. And yet they DO .

If there is one ABSOLUTE in life, it is this: you WILL be challenged! However, how MUCH you are AFFECTED by these challenges is actually very much in your hands.

The first thing we need to dispose of is the idea of a rewards system i.e., if I do good things, Ill be rewarded; or bad things only happen to me because Im a bad person or Ive failed in some way.

And life should punish those I deem to be bad or unworthy, and life is unjust if they get to walk away without consequence.

The notion that life is some sort of sideshow alley where you win the teddy bear for the number of goodness points earned, or the booby prize when you dont meet the quota is one that keeps you in misery when things dont turn out the way you would like.

Life ISNT fair when its limited to your EXPECTATIONS . How can it be, when what might seem FAIR to you, seems UNFAIR to someone else? What seems WRONG to you may be perfectly REASONABLE to someone else.

The truth is, life is neither FAIR nor UNFAIR it just IS .

We tend to impose HUMAN TRAITS on anything from animals to cars or even the weather as though they have a will and CHOOSE not to do what we WANT them to do.

But does the river have a personal AGENDA to flood your house?

No the river is just doing its THING and your house happened to be in its WAY . You might have even built your house on a FLOOD PLAIN !

And your life has been like that things have come along and you were in the WAY of them. No matter what opinion you place upon such events RIGHT or WRONG, FAIR or UNFAIR they HAPPENED . And they happened to you simply because you were THERE .

Life is just rolling along like a big river, and youre either going to insist on paddling AGAINST THE TIDE (because that would be FAIR !) or go WITH the way the CURRENT is flowing.

There IS a way to navigate life so that you dont end up dashed against the rocks each time theres a challenge (and this book will help STEER you); but just for now, if it makes you feel any better, Ill AGREE with you: yes, sometimes life seems to truly SUCK . So be it.

Today, try to embrace the idea that life is neither FAIR nor UNFAIR . Also, let go of the idea you are being REWARDED or PUNISHED .

On a piece of paper, write down the event or situation that you feel MOST DEPRESSED about. Next, draw a series of squares (about six squares should be enough) to represent a row of doors. Number each door.

Behind DOOR 1 is the choice (or choices) you made in response to the event you listed.

Clearly, your FIRST choice was to BECOME DEPRESSED .

Now go to DOOR 2 . Behind this door is a DIFFERENT choice you could have made in the way that you responded to the situation. What ELSE could you have done, besides getting DEPRESSED ? Behind each door is ANOTHER POSSIBILITY .

See how many different choices you can reveal.

How have you put yourself IN the way of things that have happened? Reflect on how you could have moved OUT of the way instead.

You might feel as though youre going through a UNIQUE experience that nobody else can possibly understand; however, depression is actually a very COMMON human experience.

Most people will experience feelings of depression at some time in their lives, usually following a LIFE CHANGE or LOSS .

In fact, there are 300 MILLION people who have been diagnosed with depression worldwide.

However, statistics can be MISLEADING the above figure includes people who have PASSING depression (as a result of a life crisis), and this figure does not include the OUTCOME for people who have had depression.

Given that there are about 7.7 BILLION people on the planet, that leaves a lot of people who are simply going about their normal lives without any great, dark cloud hovering over them.

In fact, some people actually ENJOY life now, theres a CONCEPT ! And there are even some people who have been where you are, who have thrown off their dark cloud and found that life can again be SATISFYING, INTERESTING and PLEASURABLE despite being full of CHALLENGES and CONTRASTS , as it has ALWAYS been.