Paronto - The Ranger Way

B attles can be beautiful. I mean that literally. Its hard to explain that to people who have never been in one. When I am looking at a firefight through night vision goggles, I can see tracers, which are rounds that burn. The color depends on the size of the round: if its from a PKM or an AK-47, it might look green or maybe orange, and the explosions streak trails in the distance like the most spectacular light show Ive ever seen. If there is heavy fire, the landscape pulses with fluorescent color. There is a snapping sound like someone cracking a whip over and over again. Those are high-velocity rounds breaking the sound barrier as they careen by my head. Snapsnapsnap. When mortars and rockets hit, the impact momentarily blinds my vision, and then, as it clears, I can see particles that are like charged and heated pixie dust, glowing as they rain down. I have watched all this while I felt the heat of a blazing fire as I moved toward it. My brothers and I did move toward it, striding into the chaos with absolute focus, and I was not afraid.

I was not thinking that it was the worst moment of my life. My adrenaline was surging, my world was opening up, and I might even have been thinking that this was one of the best, most important moments of my life. Because I was surrounded by my brothers, whom I trust. Because I was about to fight, which was what I had been trained to do. Every drill, every rotation, every moment of my training had prepared me for this. I was having what some scientists call a flow experience. The battle required my complete sensory involvement and the total integration of my skills and consciousness in order to complete my mission. And the mission, in battle, is always meaningful, because whatever else it might be about, lives are on the line. I am fighting for my brothers.

I am honored to have been able to fight in battle for my brothers and for my country. I was part of the CIA Annex security team that responded to the terrorist attack on the US Special Mission in Benghazi, Libya, on September 11, 2012. For more than thirteen hours that night, our team of six fought the enemy to save lives and assets. Some people are surprised when I tell them that I consider Benghazi to be one of the greatest nights of my life. That Id go back to Benghazi in a heartbeat; you dont need to ask me twice. Just tell me where my airplanes at, I am guaranteed to be there. September 11, 2012, was a tragic night in many ways. Ambassador Christopher J. Stevens, Sean Smith, Tyrone Woods, and Glen Bub Doherty died that night putting themselves in harms way on behalf of our country. Mark Oz Geist and David Ubben were severely wounded. And I know that the families of the men we fought that night mourned their dead and wounded, too. It was a dangerous mess. But if I were needed, Id be happy to go back.

People make a mistake when they think happiness is about being relaxed, kicking back over barbecue and a beer. Dont get me wrong, that can be good, and my friends will tell you that Ive had plenty of days like that. A bunch of those days can be part of a good life. But the satisfaction and pride that are earned through truly optimal experiences come from being challenged, working hard, and putting your training to the test in service of a goal you care about. Im not going to lie; sometimes that hurts while its happening. Youve got to be tough and believe that the hurt will be worth it.

Happiness comes from being tested and accomplishing your mission. Thats why Id always go back into battle. You get tested there. And you get inspired, seeing the selfless service all around you down range. Ive spent the last couple years traveling around this country as a civilian, and I know its harder to see that here at home. Its harder to see it in Washington, D.C., thats for sure. But you can create the feelings that come from optimal experience and selfless service for yourself, and you can inspire others to do the same. Thats what this book is about. Its about my life and about your taking control of your own life and fighting your own battles. But its also about understanding that we never know what the impact of our actions is going to be. That is one of the reasons you cant ever give up.