Attwood Tony - An Aspies Guide to Improving Empathetic Attunement

An Aspies Guide to

Improving
Empathetic
Attunement

This eBook originally appeared as a chapter in

Been There. Done That. Try This!
An Aspies Guide to Life on Earth.

EDITED BY TONY ATTWOOD, CRAIG R. EVANS AND ANITA LESKO

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

This edition published in 2015

by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

73 Collier Street

London N1 9BE, UK

and

400 Market Street, Suite 400

Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

First published in 2014 as a chapter of Been There. Done That. Try This! An Aspies Guide to Life on Earth edited by Tony Attwood, Craig R. Evans and Anita Lesko

www.jkp.com

Copyright Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2014, 2015

Artwork copyright Marilyn Cosho 2014, 2015

Front cover artwork Stephanie Tihanyi 2014, 2015

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Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

eISBN 978 1 78450 134 1

The greatest wisdom on Autism Spectrum Disorders such as Aspergers syndrome resides within those who have an ASD. If you have, or someone you love or support has, an ASD, seek the wisdom of those who have an ASD and you will understand.

Dr. Tony Attwood

We can all thrive with autism. The heroes herein, contributing their life-earned wisdom to future generations of Aspies, are living proof. Im dedicating this book to the delightfully warm, talented and brilliant young man who introduced me to the amazing world of autismNolan Parks.

Craig R. Evans

I dedicate this book to all the Aspies around the globe. For only another Aspie can truly know what its like to walk in these Aspie shoes.

Anita Lesko

Contents

Preface from
Been There. Done That. Try This!

Dr. Tony Attwood

Working on this book has been enlightening, inspiring and, most of all, fun. The original idea was to explore and apply the great wisdom on Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) that has not been published in academic journals or textbooks but has been acquired over the lifetimes of those who have Aspergers syndrome. They are the great Aspie mentors who know ASD from the inside; they have Been there, done that, and from their wisdom say, Try this! They provide advice and encouragement that has far greater credibility, empathy and value than the advice of neurotypical parents and clinicians. Read this book and be enlightened.

Craig R. Evans

In 2003 I met my first (amazing) Aspie. His name was Nolan. At 13 he was reciting Latin genus species names of animals and lining then up in rows based on size, color, foods consumed or just alphabetically (in English or Latin). Hed phonetically sounded out the animals names and learned their stories after reading about them on his Animal Facts cards. At the same time, Nolan was creating different combinations of mythical (futuristic) animals on a website called SPORE. And he was drawing astonishing cartoons of his favorite pets (Australian sugar gliders). The zoo was his second home. I was learning that Nolan is a lot like his mother: artistic, brilliant, funny, creative and loving. But unlike his mom, Nolan is challenged. Between allergies, sensory issues and severe anxiety, daily life was a battlefield. After raising two neurotypical kids in my first marriage, Id never experienced anything like this before. I needed to find some answers.

An in-depth scan of the web turned up little more than a few autism associations, notices of fund raising walks and sketchy discussions of possible causes and the hope for a cure. Oddly, there was nothing about living with autism. In order to learn how to deal with Nolan and the explosion of children like him, I needed to change that.

Nolan became my stepson in 2007 when I married his wonderful mother. In 2008, I launched Autism Hangout, an online discussion forum that reports news, complies facts and community-submitted personal experiences, and invites ongoing discussion to discover insights on how best to deal with the daily challenges of autism. My mission was simple: I wanted to find ways for Nolanand others like himto thrive with autism. And those messages needed to be shared with a shell-shocked autism community. So my journey as a journalist began.

I decided to videotape my findings in short (under ten-minute) video reports. After posting a few, my instincts were confirmed. The videos were getting hammeredsome garnered more than 1000 views in a 24-hour period. Today, there are close to 500 videotaped reports at Autism Hangout, not all mine. But all focused on relevant, positive, helpful messages.

Ive interviewed some amazing people along the way: authors, autism experts, medical professionals, occupational therapists, teachers, caregivers, speech and language pathologists and successful/inspirational/thriving people with autism. Two things I immediately noticed they all had in common: hope and a positive attitude. So in capturing their messages (on video) and putting them out there, I knew it was going to be possible for all of us to learn to thrive with autism. And then I met another person who rocked my world: Dr. Tony Attwood.

Sometime around 2009, Id written Dr. Tony (in Australia) and invited him to record answers (via Skype) to questions about autism that were submitted by Autism Hangout members. He immediately agreed, acknowledging the importance of dispersing encouraging findings, techniques and treatments as quickly as possible. The Ask Dr. Tony show became a reality. Many of those programs have since received tens of thousands of views. And the grateful comments from hundreds of viewers confirm their helpfulnessand hopefulness.

During one of those recorded conversations, Dr. T brought up the concept of Aspie mentorssomeone older with Aspergers/High Functioning Autism (HFA) looking to help younger spectrum dwellers face the same challenges they encountered and overcame earlier in life. Talk about hopeful! I jumped on it!

We were pretty sure, starting out, that wed be able to locate qualified Aspie mentors. Our qualification was simply someone diagnosed with Aspergers (or HFA) who had found satisfaction in life. Satisfaction could be defined many ways: a good job, money, a fulfilling marriage, and peace. But we discovered something else that provided enormous satisfaction. Something remarkable.

Almost without exception, the mentors who took part in this work were already mentoring. Having lived through the proverbial dark ages of ignorance towards their needs and predispositions, without exception, this group was already actively engaged in giving back in order to help others like themselves avoid stress. Mentoring is one of the many ways they find fulfillment.