MacLaine - Im over all that: and other confessions

Im Over All That

A LSO BY S HIRLEY M ACLAINE

You Can Get There from Here

Dont Fall Off the Mountain

Dancing in the Light

Out on a Limb

Its All in the Playing

Going Within

Dance While You Can

My Lucky Stars

The Camino

Out on a Leash

Sage-ing While Age-ing

ATRIA BOOKS

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Copyright 2011 by Shirley MacLaine

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

First Atria Books hardcover edition April 2011

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Designed by Joseph Rutt/Level C

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

MacLaine, Shirley, 1934

Im over all that: and other confessions / Shirley MacLaine.

p. cm.

1. MacLaine, Shirley, 1934 2. EntertainersUnited StatesBiography. 3. SpiritualistsUnited StatesBiography. I. Title.

PN 2287.M 18A 3 2011

43' 028' 092dc

[B] 2011000705

ISBN 978- 1- 4516- 0729-

ISBN 978- 1- 4516- 0731- (ebook)

For Peter

A ll life, even the cruelest drama and most absurd comedy, is a form of show business, a kind of performance, and I have been lucky enough to have created the moving picture show of my own life. I have starred in it, produced it, written it, directed iteven financed and distributed it. Whats even better is that I get to rerun it now and then, to see things I might have missed back then. In this third act of my life, much has become clearer. So much is over, and I am over so much.

I have learned to ease up on worry, scheming for films or roles, planning for better surroundings, and feeling anger at all our leaders who operate politically rather than humanely. Yes, I am over all that. Im over listening to advertisements, the latest fashions (I never was much for that), events I should attend in order to be seen, red carpet madness. Im getting more and more free from the expectations of the external world. In fact, the one worry I cant seem to give up and get over is a lingering fear that being a reclusive, happy, older woman may not be entirely healthy. But who says so? Im not interested in parties, new outfits (only comfortable ones), being socially acceptable, and whether Ill be on anyones so-called A-list. My goodness, what a way to live!

Im not over going to the movies, seeing live theater, hearing symphonies, eating a good dinner (Im learning to dine out alone), attending a worthy charity event (for half an hour), visiting a sick friend, or taking treats and toys to the animal shelter.

I am over what other people think (I got over that a long time ago), and trying to persuade them to come around to my point of view about anything.

One thing will always be a constant with me. I have a guiding sense of curiosity. I will never get over asking Why . This questioning has been with me all my life. It is my sustenance, my inspiration, my joy, and my intellectual food and color. I will never be over my search for the Big Truths. And Im not the only one. Most people Ive met around the world believe we are not alone in the universe but will not talk about this openly because theyre terrified of being humiliated publicly for their beliefs. Some scientists, academics, and movers and shakers Ive met were even reluctant to discuss it privately because of how they might be perceived. (Just another reason I revere the brilliant and fearless Stephen Hawking!)

Everywhere Ive traveled in the world Ive found that people are looking for something to fill the loneliness inside them; they are after what I think of as The Big Truth. It doesnt matter how wealthy or well situated they are; after surface talking, joking, eating, Hollywood gossip, and cultural politeness, the conversation always turns to why are we here, what is the point of life, is God real, are we alone in the universe? Thats because, like me, most people have realized that money isnt the answer to their emptiness. In fact, it sometimes contributes to it because the management of money (or the fear of not having enough) distracts them from any real examination of what is really bothering them.

So Ive concluded that for us to get to the Bigger Truths, there is much for us to get over. Ive had a good time exploring what Ive finally gotten over and what I will never get over... from the ridiculous to the Big Sublime.

Im glad I am in the third act of my life. I have loved my ride and am now appreciating relinquishing the reins and looking back. Sometimes I feel an unbearable ecstasy of loneliness for some of my past, wishing now that I had been so much more present then. Sometimes I feel it all happened to someone else, and I long to get the me of it all back. How could I have done so much, been so many places, known so many peopleand now it is all past, gone, memories of colorful stories like little movies attached to the celluloid of my brain tissue. Every now and then the little movies turn themselves on, wanting to be rerun. What didnt I see then? What deeper meaning did I miss? Where are those actors and actresses and politicians from my past now? They are still with me, in all the things they taught me, the memories of the times we shared. Fascinating and talented people, mind-expanding conversations, and curiosity about the futurethose are things I will never get over.

On with the show!

W hen I look back on my seventy-six adventure-peppered years of life, I want to celebrate my still here-ness. While I am definitely more still now, I do like being here . One of my great passions in life was traveling, which Im sorry to say is not true anymore. Im over all that . I like being here where I am. And I like being still.

The idea of walking through an airport in a state of terror over the idea that the TSAs (Thugs Standing Around) wont let Terry, my terrier dog, on the plane with me is my worst nightmare. What has happened to us? We obediently cower in fear, hardly even made uneasy by the thing that should really scare us: our own acceptance of the foregone conclusion that the possibility of terrorism trumps our freedom to travel.

Im over that conclusion. I dont believe that terrorism is the real reason we have become saluting robots. I believe we have neglected to see that terrorism is just a convenient excuse for those in power to gently instruct us to go quietly into that good night of being compliant and unrevolutionary citizens who willingly become subjugated to authority.

Tom Paine has always been my idol. He wrote of the common sense of starting a revolution and praised the Age of Reason instead of religion. Of course, hes buried in a potters field somewhere where no one can pay respects. He flew too much in the face of accepted behavior, which didnt sit well with those whose first priority was political popularity and maintaining the status quo. People like that tend not to be the ones who get the big memorials and shrines dedicated to them.