Thomas - Behind closed doors: a startling story of Exclusive Brethren life

S ome things come as a shock. They wake you up; make you sit bolt upright and take notice. One Sunday evening, near the end of 1997, I was listening to talkback radio and heard a young lady make an unusual request.

I want to join the Exclusive Brethren, she said. Is there anyone out there who can tell me something about them?

Perhaps I hadnt heard right. This couldnt be happening. I waited for the talkback hosts comment.

Thank you, Jane. Jane would like to join the Exclusive Brethren. If there are any listeners out there tonight who can tell Jane something about them, please give us a call.

Just like that. No surprised tone of voice for this cool, laid-back radio host, who had been fielding a range of theological dilemmas for the past twenty years. This was just a simple plea for information. I couldnt believe my ears! Here was a young lady who actually wanted to join the Exclusive Brethren, a religious sect Id been born into in 1943 and stayed with until 1974 when I left with my husband and children. I expected the lines to run hot with ex-members ringing to advise Jane to think very carefully before she made a decision that would significantly affect the rest of her life. Exclusive Brethren dont listen to the radio, so I knew that no current member would have heard her request, and maybe I was the only ex-member listening that night. I waited for half an hour then dialled the radio station and was put on hold for a moment.

Before I had a chance to hang up in a panic, I heard myself replying to the talkback host, If the young lady who was inquiring about the Exclusive Brethren would like to ring me, I would be happy to talk to her.

Are you an Exclusive Brethren member? he asked.

No, Im an ex-member. I was hoping he wouldnt ask me any more questions; I didnt want to discuss this on air.

I cant imagine why anyone would want to join the Exclusive Brethren, he said with a laugh. Jane, if you are still listening, give Ngaire a call, shell tell you what you want to know.

For the next few hours I was inundated with calls from people who wanted to know something about this little-understood group of fundamentalist Christians. Some callers used it as an opportunity to vent their anger and frustration.

Those people have a lot to answer for, the first caller hotly exclaimed. They ruined my friends life; she cant even see her parents. They could be dead for all she knows, and she could be dead for all they care! I ended the call as soon as I could.What had I let myself in for? I consider myself a caring, mild mannered, friendly person; I hadnt expected a barrage of expletives! The next caller was less volatile.

My husband and I are pastors of a small church down south, she began. Why dont the Exclusive Brethren mix with other churches? Why do they refuse to join in with other Christian activities? They say they are Christians, but dont even allow the children to attend religious instruction at school.We have so many questions, she added. I tried to answer her as best I could. I understood the questions and I knew the answers, but trying to explain over the phone was a daunting task.

The family next door has eight children and another on the way, said the next caller. The mother always looks so tired. I wish I could do something to help her. Do you have any suggestions? This caller could not understand why her offers of help were often turned down.

One caller worked at a liquor store, and was openly derisive. Drink like fish they do, all top-shelf stuff, too. One way to cope with their stressful lifestyle, I suppose.

They dont have the right to call themselves Christians, said one man. They split families, ruin good marriages, severely restrict their childrens social activities and deny them a comprehensive education. Theyre barbaric, still in the Dark Ages, they should be lined up and shot. If they call themselves Christian, then Im glad Im an atheist. He was getting wound up.

Theyre not Christians, theyre not Christ like, just sanctimonious hypocrites. They give us Christians a bad name, said another.

There was one caller who spoke in favour of them. I would like to know more about them, too, he said. We need more hard working, honest people like them in our communities. They keep to themselves and dont cause any trouble, they are good business people, and their children are mostly well behaved and polite.

Some people were curious; most were ill informed, knowing only what had been reported in the media. Others, knowing ex-Exclusive Brethren who had been badly treated, were angry. The calls continued one after the other, until I finally left the receiver off the hook at about two oclock in the morning.

The next evening I heard from the young lady herself. Her request for information was genuine. I gave her what I hoped was a balanced overview of the lifestyle she would be expected to follow should she decide to join the Exclusives. I first pointed out the many positive aspects of joining such a close-knit and caring group of fundamentalist Christians, a group who rigorously endeavour to follow their leaders interpretation and understanding of the Bibles teachings. I explained that passages from the teachings of the apostle Paul, particularly regarding the subjugation of women, were of particular importance to them.

It soon became clear to me that it was not their belief system that was attracting her, but rather an affair of the heart. She had fallen in love with a workmate, an Exclusive Brethren boy. She found it hard to understand why so many restrictions had been put on their relationship. No hanky panky in the back room she could understand, but no kissing? No holding hands? No dates? No un-chaperoned outings? She couldnt even get to know the guy until after the wedding! In fact, there wouldnt even be a wedding until she became a member. I told her of some of my own experiences, both positive and negative.