Thomas - Confessions of a Soup Nazi: An Adventure in Acting and Cooking

CONFESSIONS OF A SOUP NAZI

AN ADVENTURE IN ACTING AND COOKING

Larry Thomas

Copyright 2014 by Larry Thomas.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014920157

ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-5035-1531-4

Softcover 978-1-5035-1532-1

eBook 978-1-5035-1533-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 12/01/2014

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CONTENTS

Larry Thomas was a highlight in what became an amazing tradition on our show -- the appearance of the unforgettable guest star. Somehow, the casting directors were able to find this unending stream of great, funny people who were capable of coming onto our set - which I realize must have been a bit intimidating -- and taking a small role or bit to unimagined heights. Larry certainly achieved that with The Soup Nazi. I can't tell you how often people have yelled his catchphrase at me, No soup for you. Not only did that episode become a fan favorite, but it reinvigorated the career of Al Yeganeh, the sometimes cranky proprietor of a marvelous soup kitchen on 8th Avenue in New York. Though Al always hated the mantle of Nazi, he had to be grateful for the notoriety the episode brought him. He is largely retired now and very much in style thanks to Larry and all those who parodied his eatery.

I also never knew that Larry was such an avid or accomplished chef. I thought he wore that uniform rather well.

Jason Alexander

CHAPTER 1

Learning to Cook and The Leftover Pasta Omelet

The Bagel Pizza
The Swap Meet Chicken
The Baked Citrus Shark Steak

Note: This is sort of a chronological story of my cooking and acting life, so if you really cant wait a while for my mulligatawny soup recipe, youll have to cheat and skip to pageDid you really think I was going to give that away so you didnt have to read the book?

This is not so much a cookbook, as it is the memoirs of a kid from Brooklyn whose working single mother never learned to cook. It was either learn to cook or live with eating TV dinners and macaroni with ketchup his whole life. (Macaroni and ketchup was the one dish my mom did know how to cook, although these days, she has really perfected the recipe and actually moved on to pasta sauce from a jar.) My recipes are simple ones, quick ways to cooksomething a little tastier than the usual quick meals you can get from a box, bag, or can.

Here is the kid from Brooklyn and the working single mother.

And a few years later, the tater tot TV dinner that created the cook. And yeah, thats me in the early seventies with all that hair.

It all started with learning to scramble eggs. What a discovery that wasfinally something that didnt need to thaw out before you could cook it. (I would put ketchup on them back thena little hangover from my moms famous macaroni dish.) Of course, I then branched out into sunny-side up, over easy, even poached (in boiling water). I would say eggs were my specialty, but Im sure eggs are everyones specialty.

You will be pleased to know that, these days, Im a pretty good omelet maker and enjoy using various leftovers to make some interesting ones. I think my favorite is the leftover pasta omelet topped with melted mozzarella cheese and sauce. I dont think I need to write down how to make that. If you know how to make an omelet, then that one is a no brainer and dependent on your leftover pasta. Oh okay This is good for me, as my tendency as a writer is to skip the details and wonder why the books I write are only twenty pages long. If you dont know how to make an omelet, then here we go

The Leftover Pasta Omelet

3 eggs

1 leftover pasta dish of your choice

Pasta sauce of your choice (preferably the same sauce as the leftovers)

1 slice mozzarella cheese or 1 oz. shredded

I like to make my omelets the old-fashioned way, but I use cooking spray in the skillet instead of butter. I beat the eggs and add a little water to make them fluffy, just a little as if they are too soft your omelet will fall apart while rolling it. On a medium flame, as your egg patty is cooking, use the spatula to push the edges in and let the liquid part run into that place until there is very little liquid egg on top. Move the pan around a little to make sure it isnt sticking. I like to show off and actually flip the omelet by tossing it into the air, but when Im alone, and there is no one to show off for, Ill flip it with the spatula. If you do show off, then do it over the sink, not the stove. (Believe me, Ive learned that lesson the hard way!) Once you flip the omelet over, put in your ingredients. (They should be heated as they wont cook too much once the omelet is rolled.) Keep the ingredients closest to the edge you are going to roll from.

Use a spoon to hold the ingredients near the edge, and roll the omelet with the spatula. Once you roll it up, sprinkle the cheese and sauce on top. (It helps if you warm the sauce first so you dont overcook the omelet by waiting for the cheese to melt.) Of course, no one will yell, No omelet for you! at you if you use one of those omelet pans instead.

I dont remember cooking much besides eggs for a while, except bagel pizzas.

I suppose bagel pizza was my Jewish revenge for not being born Italian. (Being a Jewish kid in Brooklyn and loving Italian food definitely added to my already well-developing inferiority complex.) Also, since we have the best pizza in the country, in New YorkI can almost hear the jeers from my Chicago friends Just let that out at the next Cubs game, you guysthere was no reason to try to make your own real pizza at home. These days, the toaster oven is the modern marvel for bagel pizza. So

The Bagel Pizza

1 bagel

1/4 cup tomato sauce

2 slices mozzarella cheese or 2 oz. shredded

2 pinches garlic powder

2 pinches crushed basil

2 pinches sugar

Lightly toast the bagel first, so when you melt the cheese and sauce on top, it is a little crisp underneath. Spread your tomato sauce on each half. Use a pinch of garlic powder, a pinch of crushed basil, and a pinch of sugar on each half. Put your cheese on top and put in the toaster oven on bake until the cheese melts. (You could also do this in a conventional oven if you dont have a toaster oven.)

Then came the late sixties and early seventies when we thought anything without meat was health food. The first dish came after learning to boil rice. I would boil rice and top with vegetables and melted cheese. I started with broccoli and then branched out to peas or green beans or cauliflower. After learning that the cheese had as much fat as meat, I stopped thinking of this dish as health food. Its still a tasty dish, though, but these days, I would use brown or wild rice, as Im particular about getting complex carbs.

One of my early signature dishes came from a job I got as a teenager sampling nonstick cookware at a swap meet. I needed something to cook in a skillet to show that it didnt stick. So they had me take a chicken cut up and saut it with oranges and lemons and tomatoes without oil. (Now, of course, I know that was part of the scheme, as the liquid from the fruits would help the chicken not stick to the pan.) Later, I added sauted onions, balsamic vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, and lemon pepper. (These are my go-to seasonings when I cook steak, chicken, or fish.)