Sister Dang Nghiem - Flowers in the Dark: Reclaiming Your Power to Heal from Trauma with Mindfulness

Look, my love, look at the innumerable flowers and leaves.

Look, my love, look at yourself,

Your wonderful manifestations are all these.

The spring is coming, from the heart of the winter.

The inspiration to write this book came to me at the end of a retreat I had taught in Atlanta, Georgia, in 2017. The organizers invited my monastic sisters and me to come to a garden behind their church to see the evening primroses bloom that night. Admittedly, I was not enthusiastic at the prospect since I was already quite tired after a long day at the retreat. Out of a sense of gratitude to our hosts, I still showed up.

At eight oclock, about ten of us gathered in the church garden around the long stems of a tall, slender plant covered in drying, wilted yellow flowers. A friend of mine began to pluck away these old flowers, so that the new blossoms, indicated by tightly furled, spike-like buds, would be more visible to us. I stood politely, quiet and patient for what seemed like an interminable length of time. It began to get dark. Nothing seemed to happen. Suddenly, although there was no wind, the entire plant began to vibrate and tremble before us. Lo and behold, a flower bud suddenly and forcefully burst open, the petals unfolding one by one and then all at once, simultaneously, right in front of my eyes. This entire process took place within the space of a breath!

My mouth fell open and tears began streaming down my cheeks. As a somewhat poetic-minded lover of literature, I had often talked about flowers bursting into bloom; I had sung songs about them, written poetry about them, and mentioned them in Dharma talks, cleverly using the metaphor to make my points. Yet in that moment, on that day in front of this evening primrose plant, I woke up to the fact that I had never directly experienced how a flower actually blooms! Seeing these delicate yellow flowers spring open in the darkness awoke in me the realization that healing from traumarecovering from painful experiences so that we can flourish and growis both simple and miraculous, a process that will unfold naturally, when enough of the right conditions are present.

For thirty years of my life, I had seen myself as a victim, isolated in my suffering. The facts of my upbringing and life story are now knownIve written about them in a memoir and frequently mentioned them in public talks, and I recount some parts in this book as well. Less well known are the steps Ive taken since I took refuge as a Buddhist nun, to heal from my past of childhood sexual abuse. When I ordained as a nun in 2000, I learned from my beloved teacher, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, a teaching that I have found to be invaluable in my healing process: the inner child within us. Thay, as his students address him (an affectionate word for teacher in Vietnamese) says,

In each of us, there is a young, suffering child. We have all had times of difficulty as children, and many of us have experienced trauma. To protect and defend ourselves against future suffering, we often try to forget those painful times. Every time were in touch with the experience of suffering, we believe we cant bear it, and so we stuff our feelings and memories deep down in our unconscious mind. It may be that we havent dared to face this child for many decades.

Thich Nhat Hanh offers us a practice of saying hello and talking to our inner child. Combined with mindfulness training, the steady schedule, and the peaceful monastery ambiance, this practice slowly brought me back to life. The inner child practice Thich Nhat Hanh teaches is just one exercise among many in a holistic system of activities his tradition offers to the world for transforming pain and sufferingand generating peace and joy.

After the severe trauma I had undergone, I was able to connect with myself and heal by practicing mindfulness. Over the years, as I became a Dharma teacher in Thich Nhat Hanhs tradition, known as the Plum Village Community of Engaged Buddhism, many young people have come to me for counseling and I have taught them the same practices and walked together with them, privileged to witness their healing. You dont have to take monastic vows to benefit from mindfulness; you can start to benefit right away, wherever you are.

Thich Nhat Hanh has taught, The only way for you to transform the pain as a victim of sexual abuse is to become a bodhisattva. You take a vow to aspire to protect individuals, couples, families, and children from sexual abuse. In this way, you become a bodhisattva. And when the bodhisattva energy is in you, the suffering of being a victim of sexual abuse will begin to dissolve. A bodhisattva is an ideal of a person who not only becomes enlightened for themselves, but also for others; they are an embodiment of compassion. Of course, not everyone who was abused will aspire to become a bodhisattva or even a spiritually oriented person, but this teaching can help anyone to take a step on a path of compassion, starting with self-compassion toward their inner child and radiating outward in their speech, thoughts, and actions toward others. Thich Nhat Hanhs words gave me the strength and inspiration to live my life as a healer.