Saskia Lightstar - The Cancer Misfit

Published in the United Kingdom by:

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Published in India by:

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Text Saskia Lightstar, 2021

Permission to quote Robert L. Lynn extract from , all kindly granted by the authors.

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

The information given in this book should not be treated as a substitute for professional medical advice; always consult a medical practitioner. Any use of information in this book is at the readers discretion and risk. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss, claim or damage arising out of the use, or misuse, of the suggestions made, the failure to take medical advice or for any material on third-party websites.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Tradepaper ISBN: 978-1-78817-400-8

E-book ISBN: 978-1-78817-403-9

Audiobook ISBN: 978-1-78817-594-4

Interior illustrations: Jade Ho Designs

Dedicated to all the survivors out there who struggle with life after cancer treatment.

Those of us who have been through cancer know that surviving treatment isnt where the journey ends. In fact, for many of us, this is where the hardest part of the cancer journey begins.

When were first diagnosed, we have no choice but to do whatever we have to not to die. Everything we are just stops, and our focus becomes cancer and only cancer. And then, if were one of the lucky ones, we survive the treatment and its time to get on with our lives. For some, this transition is an easy one; they manage to slip back into their old lives with ease and put the whole experience of treatment behind them. Others are so overjoyed the treatment is over that they move on with a spring in their step, excited about everything that lies ahead.

And then theres the rest of us. The ones who dont find it so easy and simple to move on from the treatment and trauma of cancer, the ones who feel weve been left in limbo, stuck in a no-mans land between who we used to be and who we are today. We try to go back to normal once the treatment is finished, only to discover theres no normal to go back to. Were unfamiliar with the person we are now, and everything around us feels strange and different.

Theres loads of advice and support available for when youre first diagnosed with cancer. Theres also a whole load of resources, including a vast range of literature, for when you go through treatment. But, after that, the support just seems to stop, as though its assumed that survivors will just slip back into normality as if nothing has happened. But I think this is the most important time of all the time when we piece our lives back together.

Life after cancer treatment was the hardest part of the journey for me. Suddenly, the support dissipated: doctors had newly diagnosed patients to focus on, and my family and friends believed I was through the worst of it and got on with their lives, assuming it would be as easy for me to do the same. But, in truth, it felt as though Id just been hit by a freight train. I was dazed and confused, standing at the beginning of a new chapter of my life with utterly no idea what had just happened, who I now was or what I was supposed to do next.

And I believe there are many other survivors out there who feel this way.

Forty per cent of people whove experienced cancer report feeling anxious or depressed following the completion of treatment. And thats just the people who are willing to admit it. Many survivors feel a sense of guilt and shame about struggling with life after making it through treatment. Many dont talk about how hard they find life after cancer treatment, because they believe theyre supposed to be happy now. They dont speak out about how theyre really feeling, because everything has already revolved around them for too long. So, they just keep their mouths shut and struggle in silence.

I struggled in silence for nearly three years after my treatment, too ashamed to admit I was finding life after cancer the hardest part of all.

I didnt want to be a burden to anyone, I didnt want to make it all about me any more. I felt I couldnt ask for more support and attention from friends and family after theyd already made the world revolve around me for so long during chemo, radiation, reconstruction and so on. And in any case, how could I possibly complain after Id survived cancer treatment, when hundreds of thousands of people werent as lucky?

So, I just kept quiet and battled with all the feelings of fear, depression, guilt, and so on, alone until it got so bad, I became determined to find a way to be happy again. And through that determination, I didnt just become happy again, I became the happiest Ive ever been in my life. My journey was one of painful but profound and necessary transformation; a journey of self-discovery and self-healing. I tried anything and everything that would help me to find a life of peace and joy after going through treatment. And through that self-healing and inner work, I managed not only to overcome the trauma and struggle of my cancer journey, but to let go of all the struggles and issues that I had suffered from my whole life things like insecurity, anxiety and fear. I managed to overcome all of these things and find a happiness that comes from deep within; a happiness that no person, place or thing not even cancer can ever take away from me.

This book shares with you the path I took to living the greatest chapter of my life. It will help you to let go of what was and to embrace what is and what will be. It will help you to accept and understand that during the cancer treatment journey, when you were focused on staying alive, a beautiful transformation was taking place deep within you. This book will introduce you to the person you have become and show you the way to find a new life; a life that is full of confidence, happiness and peace.

You dont have to go through the darkness, because I already did and now Im giving you the knowledge and hindsight from my experience so that, even after cancer treatment, you can live the greatest chapter of your life, too.

The Cancer Misfit is for survivors who feel confused, misunderstood, isolated, overwhelmed, fearful or anxious after treatment. It is a life raft for survivors who have finished cancer treatment whether that was last week, last month, last year or ten years ago and are struggling with what comes next. It is a guidebook to living your best life, even after going through cancer treatment, and even if you still have cancer.