Stormie Omartian - Lord, I Want To Be Whole

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To my husband, Michael, for his faithfulness to God and to me.

To my sons, Christopher and John David, and my daughter Amanda, for giving me joy.

To Pastor Jack Hayford , for teaching me God's Word in such power that it has changed my life forever.

To my editor extraordinaire, Janet Thoma , for being both brilliant and compassionate.

To my aunt Jean Davis, for a lifetime of understanding and encouragement.

To my prayer partners, Susan Martinez, Ron Thompson, and Katie Stewart, for all your love and support.

INTRODUCTION

STEPS TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH

You are worthless, and you will never amount to anything. my mother said as she pushed me into the little closet underneath the stairway and slammed the door. Now stay in there until I can stand to see your face! The sound of her footsteps fades as she walked down the small hallway back to the kitchen.

I wasn't sure what I had done to warrant being locked in the closet again, but I knew it must be bad. I knew I must be bad, and I believed that all the negative things she has ever said about me were surely accurate. After all, she was my mother.

The closet was a small, rectangular storage area under the stairs where the dirty laundry was kept in an old wicker basket. I sat on top of the pile of clothes and pulled my feet in tight to eliminate the possibility of being touched by the mice that periodically streaked across the floor. I felt lonely, unloved, and painfully afraid as I waited in that dark hole for the seemingly endless amount of time it took for her to remember I was there or for my father to return, at which time she would make sure I was let out. Either event would mean my release for the closet and from the devastating feeling of being buried alive and forgotten.

As you can probably tell from just that one incident, I was raised by a mentally ill mother, and among many other atrocities, I spent much of my early childhood locked in a closet. Although certain people were aware of her bizarre behavior from time to time, her mental illness wasn't clearly identified until I was in my late teens. During all my growing up year, my mother's extremely erratic behavior left me with feelings of futility, hopelessness, helplessness, and deep emotional pain. So much so that by the time I was a young woman I was still locked in a closet - only the boundaries were emotional rather than physical. I was walled in by a deep, ever-present pain in my soul, which expressed itself through certain acts of self-destruction and a paralyzing fear that controlled my every breath.

I threw myself into anything I thought would help me get free of all that - Eastern Religions, occult practices, psychotherapy, unhealthy relationships, and a short, ill-fated marriage. When it became obvious that each of these things feel far short of meeting my desperate needs, I sank deeper into depression. I turned to drugs and alcohol with dangerous frequently in hopes of momentarily transcending this chronic emotional torture. Through it all I was determined to find a way our of the pain if it killed me. A few times it nearly did. By the time I was 28, suicide was the only solution

I could see. I revealed the details of this life of devastation and journey to emotional restoration in my autobiography, Stormie . After I wrote this book, I was deluged by letters from people telling me of their similar emotionally traumatic circumstances . Many women said, I just want to be whole, You've shown me for the first time that it is possible to be free of emotional pain. But now that I know there is hope for my life, what steps can I take to experience the same healing you've found? I was asked that question time and again, and I tried to answer each individual as best I could. But there wasn't enough time or space to address the questions adequately in a letter. Telephone calls and personal contact also proved far too time consuming. I knew I needed to put all the information I had on the subject in a book which could be read and referred to as the desire presents itself. This is that book!

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL HEALTH?

Many people look upon their emotional state with resignation: This is just the way I am or I guess I'll have to live with it, because this is as good as it gets. Others believe that while there may be a way to make essential changes, one has to be either very spiritual or wealthy enough to afford the best professional help. Emotional health, one girl told me, is a remote ideal that many people want but very few people achieve.

My definition of emotional health is having total health about who you are, what you're doing, and where you're going, both individually and in relationship to those around you. In other words, it's feeling totally at peace about the past, present and future of your life. It's knowing that you're in line with God's ultimate purpose for you and being fulfilled in that. When you have that kind of peace and you no longer live in emotional agony, then you are a success!

In contrast to what many people think, emotional health is just as practical and attainable as physical health. If you don't feed your body the right food, you will become ill and die. Spiritually, emotionally and mentally, you have to be fed and cared for properly or that part of you gets sick and dies a slow death. Proper exercise for the mind and emotions is just as beneficial as exercise for the body, but most people tend not to think of it that way.

In my first book, Greater Health God's Way, I wrote about what I learned regarding proper care of the physical body. I'm not a nutritionist, doctor, physical therapist or health expert. I'm simply someone who was very weak and miserable for the first 28 years of my life and who then discovered a way of living that worked. In Greater Health God's Way, I laid down 7 steps to health and instructed readers to take one step at a time in each of the 7 areas, reminding them that Everything you do counts . It will with count for life or it will count for death. I have found that the same is true for emotional health. Just as I have a physical health plan, I have a plan for emotional health. I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, professional counselor , or pastor. I am simply a person who lived with depression, fear, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, and intense emotional pain every day. I no longer live with any of those things. This book suggest 7 steps to emotional health.

7 STEPS TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Your mind and emotions, like your physical body, need to be freed from stress, fed properly, exercised, cleansed, nurtured, retrained, exposed to freshness and light, and given rest. Here are 7 steps that will help you to do all these things.

Step One: Release The Past

Confess to God the times you failed, and release the times others have failed you by moving in full forgiveness.

Step Two: Live In Obedience

Understand that God's rules are for your benefit, and try to the best of your knowledge to live His

way , knowing that every step of obedience brings you closer to total wholeness.

Step Three: Find Deliverance

Recognize who your enemy is and separate yourself from anything that separates you from God or keeps you from becoming all He made you to be.

Step Four: Seek Total Restoration

Refuse to accept less than all God has for you, and remember that finding wholeness is an ongoing process.

Step Five: Receive Gods Gifts

Acknowledge the gifts God has given to you, and take the steps necessary to receive them.

Step Six: Rejects the Pitfalls

Avoid or get free of the negative traps and deceptions that rob you of life.

Step Seven: Stand Strong

Believe that as long as you stand with God and don't give you, you win.