Fr. Terrence P. Ehrman - Man of God: Lessons for Young Men About Life, Sex, Friendship, Vocation, & Loving with the Heart of Christ

MAN OF

GOD

Lessons to Young Men About

Life, Sex, Friendship, Vocation,

& Loving with the Heart of Christ

Terrence P. Ehrman, C.S.C.

Man of God

2017 Terrence P. Ehrman, C.S.C.

All rights reserved. Except for quotations, no part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, uploading to the Internet, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher.

Published by Catholic Answers, Inc.

2020 Gillespie Way

El Cajon, California 92020

1-888-291-8000 orders

619-387-0042 fax

catholic.com

Printed in the United States of America

Interior design by Claudine Mansour Design

978-1-68357-027-1

978-1-68357-028-8 Kindle

978-1-68357-029-5 ePub

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks be to God, the Most Adorable Trinity, in whose providence this work was completed. I thank my parents, Jim and Mary Ann Ehrman, whose love for their five children within a Catholic marriagenow spanning fifty-four yearswas the ground in which the seed for this book was planted. Friendships spanning nearly two decades with married couples and their families inspired, transformed, and taught me about love and faith. I thank, in particular, Tammye and Bob Raster, Mary and Mitch Walorski, and Roger and Chrissy Klauer. I also thank the many consecrated religious of the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia, Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma, and Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist whom I have known and who have supported me with friendship and prayer and have been eschatological signs of hope of life in the fullness of the kingdom.

This work has gone through several stages of development. I thank Sr. M. Timothy Prokes, F.S.E., for her comments on the original version of this manuscript. This book in its present form would not have been possible, however, without the labors of Eileen Mallon Evans, who read and edited the work, making insightful and wise suggestions as to content and style. Finally, I thank Todd Aglialoro at Catholic Answers Press for his careful eye, cogent editing, motivation, and his patience.

INTRODUCTION

I first met Joseph seven years ago when, as a junior in college, he enrolled in my fall semester theology course, Human Sexuality and the Sacrament of Marriage. Over the next year and a half until he graduated, Joseph would periodically stop by my office or my room in the residence hall to talk about faith and struggles he, like many of his peers, had concerning chastity and purityespecially pornography and its associated effects.

After graduation, Joseph moved back to the Midwest and started a job in Chicago with a consulting firm. During that first year out of college, he would e-mail to keep in touch and also to keep tabs on his sister, who was a year behind him and also taking my class. Joseph returned to campus for his sisters graduation the next year, and it was then that he asked me if I would provide regular long-distance spiritual direction to help him with his continuing struggles with chastity. I agreed, and we began an e-mail correspondence.

Not long ago I was passing through Chicago and met up with Joseph. During a conversation about his maturation over the course of the year, he reflected that all young men, particularly college students and recent graduates, would benefit from the kind of exchange we had been having. His comment gave me an idea: what if I published an edited version of my e-mail responses to him? Wouldnt this be a form of spiritual direction for others? He agreed. So, what follows is my half of the correspondence with him. Ive edited it slightly to make it apparent to what concerns and circumstances I was responding and to keep some names and places anonymous.

I hope that you find these e-mails helpful. Your own history and situations may differ from Josephs, but I think the truth contained in these letters is universally applicable to men of todaywhether younger or olderfrom whatever background. May the Holy Spirit, the ultimate spiritual director, free you from the darkness of lust and form you in a life of true, chaste manhood and freedom in Christ.

To: Joseph

Date: June 23Feast of the Sacred Heart

RE: HEART SPEAKS TO HEART

Dear Joseph,

May the peace and strength of the Holy Spirit be with you on this feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I read your e-mail late last night, and I am glad you enjoyed your week-long business meeting in Seattle, your first time in the state of Washington. The natural setting is quite different from Chicago for sure. Though both are on water, the dominance of Mt. Rainier creates a whole different feel. You enjoyed Puget Sound and Pike Place Market, took in a Mariners game, and even made it to Mass last Sunday for Corpus Christi at the cathedral of St. James. You were pleasantly surprised by the plaque in the vestibule that described St. Frances Xavier Cabrinis presence in Seattle ministering to the Italian immigrants, just as she did in Chicago. The view of Mt. Rainier from your hotel room sounds breathtaking!

Though the natural beauty and conference excursions were refreshing, the work was intense, and you found yourself alone at night in your hotel room, tired and feeling isolated. You found company in the manner you have been accustomed to since graduating from college two years ago: internet pornography. In order not to have your activity traced through room charges for downloading porn to the television and because you had the company laptop, you resorted to your smartphone. Each night repeated the pattern of pornography and masturbation. The banter in the hotel bar among male colleagues about the attractive women at the conference only fueled your sexual desires. I am glad you said you were heading to confession this weekend now that you are back home.

Ive been pondering your use of the words finding yourself seeking out porn websites and falling into sin. Is it really so passive? You are the one who chooses and decides to swipe your finger across the screen and plunge yourself into the pornographic waters. Joseph, what is the condition of your heart when you touch your finger to that familiar screen? What is your heart yearning for, and are the sought-after images the answer? Do they satisfy your heart? Or do they only anesthetize the deep desire? Isnt your heart yearning instead for real human communion where you encounter another person heart to heart?

These internet images of naked bodies are untouchable and the hearts of the actual women hidden and inaccessible. The pornographic venture is an inherent contradiction. It cannot satisfy. The naked woman on the screen only exists as a servant to your sexual pleasure. You cannot speak to her, and she cannot speak to you. You cannot ask her the condition of her heart.

I think your pangs of conscience indicate that you know, deep within, that you want to be someone different. You know that being a man of the world, though comfortable, is ultimately empty. Your heart tells you that you are made for more. You are made to be a man of God.

When the great John Henry Newman became a cardinal, he chose the motto cor ad cor loquitur heart speaks to heart. I meet you. Are you prepared to meet another person heart to heart? I often wonder what it would be like to greet a friend, or colleague, or the neighbor next door, and ask, How is your heart? Unlike perfunctory questions like, How are you? or How are you doing? that question truly seeks an answer. How is your heart? intensifies the level of relationship and raises the interaction to a fuller human level. One heart seeks to engage another, asking for confidence and trust.