Karen V. Johnson - Living Grieving: Using Energy Medicine to Alchemize Grief and Loss

I am so honored to be able to express my gratitude to those who are an integral part of my journey and who guided me and were my cheerleaders through this process. To my son Ben who taught me about life on earth and life after death. To my daughter Caty who held me up through the funeral arrangements, encouraged me to leave my home, my job and all that was familiar to become a homeless seeker of answers to the great question, What is the meaning of grief? To my son-in-law, Hans Otten, who opened up his basement to the boxes and bags I left behind for two and a half years and who allowed me to crash as needed. To my little grandson, Vaughn, and baby Anika whose love brings me home. To my little Westie dog, Murphy, who comforts and loves me every day.

I owe a great debt of gratitude to my Hay House editor, Melody Guy, who always has sound advice, who allowed my authentic voice to flow, and who led me, a brand-new author, through the publishing process seamlessly. I must also mention kn literary arts who helped me find a great editor, Annie Wylde, to help me with my initial drafts. I also want to express my gratitude to Hay House who encourages new authors, took a chance on me, and brought this book forward. And, so much love and gratitude to Jol Simone Anthony, mortician, author and teacher of Sayin It Louder: A Conversation about A Good Death in a Racist Society. Thank you for becoming a dear friend and for reviewing my book for cultural sensitivity.

Every day I thank Elizabeth Lesser, founder of Omega institute and author of so many books, for taking a moment to respond to me, a woman she never met, when I was in the depths of despair and who continues to support and encourage me. Elizabeth, you may not know it but you saved my life that day. Thank you to Linda Star Wolf, a shaman sister whose work I love, who wrote the foreword to this book. I also want to thank Dr. Alberto Villoldo and Marcela Lobos for their continued guidance and support and all the staff and faculty of the Four Winds Society. You taught me well. And much love to all my students who allow me to walk the path of the shaman with them.

Finally, to all my Besties. To Martina Von Rettig who traveled with me, befriended me, laughed uproariously with me, and held my soul in her mystical hands. To Nettie Jean Scarzafava; who opened her home to me to write non-stop for three weeks on her dining room table, and who continues to offer food and comfort. To the lake ladies who wrapped their loving arms around me. To Karen Peters who painstakingly edited my drafts. To Maria Fernandez who read and loved and supported. To Bobbie McCartney who advised and read and kept on reading. Thank you, Beloveds.

Karen Johnson is a graduate of Georgetown Law Center (J.D.), a former Fulbright Scholar in Afghanistan, and holds masters megrees in public health and public and international affairs (MPH, MPIA). Karen is a retired federal administrative law judge who practiced criminal and energy law for more than 30 years. She also is a former U.S. Army officer, major, USAR (inactive).

Karen was personally trained by Alberto Villoldo and the Four Winds Society and holds a certification in Luminous Healing from Healing the Light Body School. She has trained extensively in the techniques of illumination, soul retrieval, extractions of energies and entities, divination, and death rites.

Website: karenjohnson.net

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BREAKING THE HABIT OF BEING YOURSELF: How to Lose
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THE DIVINE MATRIX: Bridging Time, Space, Miracles, and
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DYING TO BE ME: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to
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THE HEART OF THE SHAMAN: Stories and Practices of the
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SECOND FIRSTS: A Step-by-Step Guide to Life after Loss, by
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Ben was three weeks overdue. He didnt want to be born. I believe he knew this life would be difficult and he put it off until the last moment. He was in crisis. No heartbeatthen a faint onethen an emergency C-section. He was blue. I was frantic, his father fainted, and Ben was rushed to the NICU. Maybe Ben knew how much we loved him; maybe he knew he had a big purpose in life. In any case, he lived.

Sixteen years later...

Ben wanted to play football his freshman year in high school. The physical showed something was wrong with his spine. He was diagnosed with a condition resembling a hunchback, which got worse every year. He was nicknamed Quasimodo by his friends. In his senior year, Ben ended up having a 12-hour surgery to insert two 17-inch rods in his spine. He missed most of the school year and had to graduate from an alternative high school. He also had hammer toes that had to be straightened with rods. It was an experimental procedure that failed, and when the rods came out, he ended up with jointless, floppy toes. It could be that he had a mild case of Marfan syndrome, a genetic disorder affecting the connective tissue, often resulting in joint and spine issues and heart defects. Indeed, his autopsy showed an enlarged heart consistent with the rest of his symptoms.

He railed against me and his father, saying he was a freak of nature and should never have been born. Even dating was difficult for himhe believed he was deformed and was self-conscious about the long scar on his spine and his floppy toes. We tried so many things to minimize that scareven an expensive and painful laser process. Trying to reason with him that he now had a straight back led to more angry exchanges. He refused to take off his shirt in public or wear sandals. What I only dimly realized was that the scar was not only on his back, but it was also on his soul.