Chris Grosso - Dead Set on Living: Making the Difficult but Beautiful Journey from F#*king Up to Waking Up

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More from the Author

Indie Spiritualist

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

B renda and Lawrence Grosso; Jason, Catie, Addison, and Eleanor Grosso; Steve Harris; Alice Peck; Michele Martin, Diana Ventimiglia, and the rest of the family at Simon & Schuster; Michael Geres; Deron and Carrie Drumm; Hilary Bryant, Laura Le, Annette Medero, Kali Farrell, Linda Lentini, and the rest of my Toivo and Advocacy Unlimited family (there are just too many names to include, but you and I know exactly who you arethank you!); Harriet Cianci; Michael Taft; JP Sears; Jen Taylor, Justin Vood, and The Sanctuary at Shepardfields; Eben and Rachel Sterling and Thrasher Magazine ; Jessica Pimentel; Kelly and Jess Margera and CKY; Bam Margera; Dana Sawyer and Stephanie; Alanna Kaivalya; Lauren Seder; Breeze Floyd; Ram Dass, Rachel Fisher, Raghu Markus, Mirabai Bush, Kelly Rego, JR Morton, Corey Leonard, and everyone else at the Love Serve Remember Foundation; Ken Wilber, Corey DeVos, Colin Bigelow, and everyone at Integral Institute; Rachel Sclare and Joey Marsocci; Michelle Jean and Asher; Jessica Durivage; Jenn Lui and Morgan Walker; Keli Lalita; Erica Lynn; Justin Mehl; Cheryl Guertin; Amy Scher; Patrick Rivera and my Hartford Refuge Recovery Family; Raghunath Ray Cappo; Jamison Monroe and Newport Academy; Alex and Allyson Grey, Jon Ohia, Joness Jones and everyone at COSM; Lissa Rankin; don Miguel Jr. and Jose Ruiz; Bartolotta; Sera Beak; Lisa Braun Dubbels; Jessica Durivage; Belle of the Fall; Ben Grippo; Amy LaBossiere; Patricia Mahmarain; Chris and Jenny Hinman; Laci-Ann Mosher; and every single person whos supported me and given a shit about my work. My heart is sincerely humbled. And, of course, all of the contributors in this book who took the time to share their wisdom and experience. Im forever grateful!

BOOKS BY CHRIS GROSSO

Everything Mind

Indie Spiritualist

BOOKS BY ALICE PECK

Be More Tree

Bread, Body, Spirit

Next to Godliness

I was going to close with one more practice, but I changed my mind. Instead, Ill direct you to the practice so you can dive in and out at your convenience. For the Rise and Thrive practice, go to http://theindiespiritualist.com/2017/08/22/dead-set-on-living-bonus-practice-rise-and-thrive/.

What I want to talk about here is what we can do the next time we find ourselves on the brink of returning to self-defeating behaviorswhich can be in the moment you find yourself twisting the cap off a bottle of vodka or making the excuses and self-destructive choices that will lay the groundwork for a relapse weeks or months or even years from now.

In my own case, as I look back at the relapses in my life, I can remember several occasions when, months before Id pick up a bottle, Id start noticing things. Id pay attention to how late liquor stores were open, or Id take an extra-long look at the drink on someones table while I was eating at a restaurant. Things like that are cues were starting to slip, even if its just slightly, back into old patterns.

This isnt about relapse prevention specifically, because there are already a hundred and one books out in the world about that. Instead, this is about how we are going to be sure weve set ourselves up in a safe enough way to either call bullshit on ourselves, have someone we trust call bullshit on us, or a combination of both. Again, not just about slipping back into drug and alcohol use, but about heading off all types of self-defeating behavior!

I figure I may as well do what I do best here and use myself as an example by sharing what Ive done since my last relapse. Some of this will be obviousperhaps all of it willbut for the benefit of those for whom its not, please bear with me.

First and foremost, I had to set up a small network of friends I know I can count on to be there for me, to listen to me, to support me, and to do so nonjudgmentally, whenever I need them. Thats been incredibly huge, having some people I can bare my soul to who will listen or bear loving witness to whatever it is Im going through, yet stay judgment-free. Its a cathartic release to be able to talk with friends, mentors, sponsors, and family members in that respect.

Another huge part of my well-being is having a community of like-minded folks to help encourage me on the spiritual path. This doesnt mean everyone along the way is going to be your best friend or confidant, but they, like you, have an interest in spiritual development, and if theres at least one thing you can count on them for, its being there to walk with you, side by side.

Finding some sort of physical activity helps replace the negative behavior. Ive seen countless people relapse because after putting down the bottle or pills or needle or chocolate cake, they didnt replace it with something positive. Running, hiking, gardening, weight lifting, kayaking, swimming, dancing to Le Butcherettes (my editors input, and Ill respectfully leave it in here for her)anything that gets your blood flowing is a tremendous complement to integral well-being. Bonus points if youre able to do these activities outdoors in the sunshine!

Take up a meditation practice. As youve seen by now, there are so many ways to meditate, some of which have been presented to you in this book, and many more that havent. I believe there is a form of meditation for everyone; youve just got to take the time to find what works for you. Remember, though, meditationlike any other practice or sport or programdoesnt yield results overnight, so do your best to bring patience to your practice.

Speaking of patience (and I know I addressed this in an earlier chapter, but I believe it bears repeating, so here goes), Ive often been asked if there was one thing I wish Id done differently on the spiritual path. What would that be? My answer every time is that I wish I had learned to cultivate more compassion and softness toward myself in the process. Dedicating yourself to sincerely working with difficult emotions, life experiences, and spiritual practices that will help you heal and grow as a person is no easy thing, so please, please, please be as gentle with yourself as you can, while still staying dedicated and willing to push yourself as much as youre able to in the moment (with the understanding that there are always variables).

Get a fucking sense of humor. If you already have one, do whatever it takes to keep it. Laughter is such potent medicine, especially the ability to laugh at ourselves. I cant even begin to tell you how many times Ive found relief in watching shows like Curb Your Enthusiasm , Impractical Jokers , The Office , and Chappelles Show . Taking a break from being so earnest and laughing at inappropriate shit can sometimes be one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself. At least Ive found that to be true, but hey, what do I know? That said, go laugh at some dumb shit for a little while, okay? I think youll thank me for it later.