Derek Sivers - How To Live: 27 Conflicting Answers and One Weird Conclusion

Copyright 2021 by Sivers Inc
All rights reserved
Producer: Saeah Lee Wood

How to Live

Hit Media

All misery comes from dependency.
If you werent dependent on income, people, or technology, you would be truly free.
The only way to be deeply happy is to break all dependencies.

Most problems are interpersonal.
To be part of society is to lose a part of yourself.
Cut ties with society.
Dont engage.
Dont even rebel, because thats reacting.
Instead, do what youd do if you were the only person on Earth.

People think we live in a world of politics, society, norms, and news.
But none of it is real.
Theyre just interpersonal drama.
Theyre the noisy waste product of unhealthy minds.

Crowds are hysterical, and inbreed opinions.
Dont be a part of any group.
Dont take sides on any fight.
Instead of standing out from the crowd, just avoid and ignore the crowd.
Avoid social media and the zeitgeist.
Its stupidity will infect you.
Dont align with any religion, philosophy, or political stance.
Stay unlabeled and unbound.

Rules and norms were created by the upper class to protect their privilege to categorize people into high versus low society.
None of it applies to you.
Long ago, people had to follow norms to have high social status, otherwise theyd be ostracized and couldnt survive.
But now you can survive, mate, and thrive without social status.
So its both irrational and unwise to follow those norms.

Dogs bark.
People speak.
It doesnt mean a thing.
What they say and do has nothing to do with you, even if it seems directed your way.
The only opinion that matters is your own.
When you know what youre doing, you wont care what anyone else is doing.
When youre indifferent to peoples words and actions, nobody can affect you.

Dont believe anything anyone says.
Listen if you want, but always decide for yourself.
Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic.
Wait a few days to decide what you really think.
Dont let ideas into your head or heart without your permission.

Being independent means you cant blame others.
Decide everything is your fault.
Whoever you blame has power over you, so blame only yourself.
When you blame your location, culture, race, or history, youre abdicating your autonomy.

Everyone has their own lives to manage.
Nobody is responsible for you, and you arent responsible for anybody.
You dont owe anyone anything.

Friends are great at the right distance.
Just like you cant read something if its pushed up against your face, or too far away, you should keep your friends at arms length close but not too close.

Have more than one romantic partner, or none.
To avoid emotional dependence, never have just one.
Dont worry about being lonely.
Nothing is more lonely than being with the wrong person.
Its always better to be alone.

You cant be free without self-mastery.
Your past indulgences and habits might be addictions.
Quit a harmless habit for a month, just to prove you can.

When you say you want more freedom from the world, you may just need freedom from your past self.
You dont see things as they are.
You see them as you are.
Change yourself and you change the world.

Learn the skills you need to be self-reliant.
Learn to drive, fly, sail, garden, fish, and camp.
Learn emergency medical and disaster preparedness.
Assume nobody will help you.

Dont depend on any company, especially not the big tech giants.
Use only open-source software and open communication protocols.
Keep your own backups.
Get your own domain.
Run your own server.

Live where you feel most free.
Move symbolically far away from where you grew up.
Living in a foreign place helps make it clear that this cultures rules dont apply to you.

The best place for self-reliance is a rural off-the-grid home.
Generate your own electricity.
Collect your own water.
Grow your own food.

Or have no home at all.
When you have no home, the whole world is your home.
Be a nomadic minimalist to break dependencies on stuff.
Our hunter-gatherer ancestors thrived by carrying nothing, then finding or making what they needed.

Be a perpetual traveler, living out of a suitcase.
Move to a new country every few months, never a registered resident of anywhere.
Spread the different aspects of your life across different countries to avoid depending on any one country.
Earn multiple passports.
If a country enters into war or makes your life hard, just leave.
To be nomadic is to be a pacifist.

Make friends wherever you go, so that no one place has all of your friends.

Own your own business with many small customers to avoid depending on any big client.
Offer products, not a personal service, so your business can run without you.
Create many sources of income like this.

Dont sign contracts.
Be willing to walk away from anything.

Eventually, you will have done it.
Youll be absolutely free and independent.
Its the ultimate liberation.

Then you can appreciate everything from a healthy distance.
You can appreciate your country from abroad, once its not your only option.
You can appreciate family, once theyre not forced upon you.
You can laugh at the hysteria of the crowd, and learn from it too.
You can take sides in a fight, with a smirk.
You can even take responsibility for someone else.

Being fully independent is how to live.

If youve ever been confused or distracted, with too many options
If you dont finish what you start
If youre not with a person you love
then youve felt the problem.
The problem is a lack of commitment.

Youve been looking for the best person, place, or career.
But seeking the best is the problem.
No choice is inherently the best.
What makes something the best choice?
You.
You make it the best through your commitment to it.
Your dedication and actions make any choice great.

This is a life-changing epiphany.
You can stop seeking the best option.
Pick one and irreversibly commit.
Then it becomes the best choice for you.
Voil.

When a decision is irreversible, you feel better about it.
When youre stuck with something, you find whats good about it.
When you cant change your situation, you change your attitude towards it.
So remove the option to change your mind.

You think you want more choice and more options.
But when you have unlimited choice, you feel worse.
When you keep all options open, youre conflicted and miserable.
Your thoughts are divided.
Your power is diluted.
Your time is thinly spread.
Indecision keeps you shallow.
Get the deeper pleasure of diving into one choice.

The English word decide comes from Latin to cut off.
Choose one and cut off other options.
To go one direction means youre not going other directions.
When you commit to one outcome, youre united and sharply focused.