Mary Katherine Backstrom - Holy Hot Mess: Finding God in the Details of this Weird and Wonderful Life

A memory popped up on my social media recently of Mary Katherine and me in the bathroom stall of a nice restaurant, wrapped up like mummies in cheap toilet paper, contorting our facial muscles into our best attempt at model expressions until my cheeks literally hurt, and taking selfies. There is a story behind that mess, but more on that later

First, lets start with this: I love a good mess. Messes are unpretentious. Theyre relatable. Theyre full of life. Theyre a great reminder of our humanity.

Somewhere between the time I started creating videos on social media, and my small hobby exploding into something bigger than I ever expected, I was advised that my creative outlet was now an actual career (as if Im a grown-up or something) and for legal/business/boring purposes, I needed to create an s-corporation. I spent some time researching names of other similar corporations, and I noticed a trend emerge. Many of these corporations were named after a single, meaningful word that represented superiority. So I decided to use a single, meaningful word as well: Flawed. The name of my s-corp would serve as a reminder that I am never to waste my time chasing perfection and that being flawed doesnt make me inadequate. Our flaws simply make us human.

I often say that Im thankful social media didnt exist back when I was at my rock bottom, struggling as a newly divorced, depressed, and seriously broke mom. So much of social media just leaves people feeling less than. And though this trend has been changing recently (humans are finally willing to be more human in their posts), Mary Katherine was one of the first people I noticed on social media who exuded authenticity.

Boy, was that refreshing. Seeing authenticity on social media feels like a tall glass of homemade lemonade on a scorching hot day. Or peeing alone in private when youre a mother of young kids. Or your teenager saying, Mom, youre doing an excellent job parenting. How can I help around the house today? and wanting nothing in return! But I digress

I didnt know MK personally, but I had seen a few of her posts on Facebook. I think maybe we met once briefly at a conference, but most of my brain cells, including the ones linked to memory, have been destroyed by motherhood, so I might be making that up.

A few years after I first saw MK on my timeline, she was in Los Angeles for an appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show. After seeing one of MKs videos, Ellen herself fell in love with MKs authenticity, storytelling, and her infectious laugh.

Its kind of hard not to.

Since I live in the outskirts of LA, Mary Katherine and I decided to meet up for dinner. It felt like having a meal with an old friend, the kind of friend I had known for years, shared awkward memories and had probably gotten into some trouble with. Before our toilet paper selfies, we first dined like somewhat-classy people. We bonded over our love of carbs, our completely different and yet somehow relatable childhoods, our spiritual beliefs, and our passion for helping humans be kinder to themselves. We talked about the small stuff and the really, really hard stuff, laughing and crying (occasionally simultaneously) over the unbelievable highs and heartbreaking lows life had thrown our way.

And thats when I realized something.

MK and KK are a mess!

A big. Huge. Mess.

And so are you, the person reading this.

Youre a mess.

Some messes are of our own making because we are flawed (yet wonderful) humans. Often, we make those messes much messier by piling on a whole bunch of unnecessary stress because we refuse to give ourselves an ounce of grace.

And then there are the messes that are completely out of our control. The ones that are thrown in our faces unexpectedly and stop our whole world. Sometimes for a moment. Sometimes for years.

As youll find out reading this book, Mary Katherine has walked through some terrifying messes. And Im sure you have as well.

The way I see it, there are three ways that us humans deal with the mess.

One: Pretend there is no mess. Denial. Go through the motions. Live without fully being alive. Not allowing yourself to really feel the hard stuff.

I tried that, and nah, not for me.

Two: Exhaust yourself trying to clean up the mess and make it all perfect, even if it means sacrificing everything that matters (including your sanity) in the process.

Tried that too, and nah, not for me.

Three: Throw yourself in the mess. Dig into the most uncomfortable corners of your existence. Address the stuffiest of stuffs, cry it out, scream it out, and ask for help. And sometimes (read: often) youll find some life-changing lessons and even some