Jacalynne Flax - Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed

Table of Contents

Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed

Acknowledgements

With heartfelt thanks to the following individuals and organizations, (and horses), without whom this book would never have been produced.

My dear friend, Alexandra Odell , artiste, entrepreneur and original illustrator of the book; creator of superb cakes. Can be reached at 'KissMyCakes.com'.

Debbie Finger without whom this book would have never been finished (and she still thinks its far too short! Oh well!). She can be contacted at debfinger@aol.com .

Peter Flax : Good sounding board and great supporter of the book once he realized it might actually get finished.

Franceska Flax for the loan of Casino ( for the Camilla photographs) , a horse with a superb smile and great teeth.

Queen Diana Group ( who I connected with during the Diana Inquest and with whom I share a lot of historical interest and knowledge, and who believe, as I do, that the Royal lineage should continue as Spencer/Stuart and that our late Princess deserves a fitting memorial. As Diana would say something for the pigeons to poop on!

Diana Appreciation Society

News of the World

The Daily Telegraph

The Daily Express

The Daily Mail

The Globe

The National Enquirer

World Wide Web

Terry Deary , author of Horrible Histories and Cruel Kings and Mean Queens, (now a television series on the BBC) who was an inspiration to me and every other young child growing up in England, who encouraged me to investigate the dark and murky side of British History and all things Royal.

And to my Dear Mother who helped with my appalling spelling and is still a strong supporter of Monarchy, particularly the current Queen and her late father, whom she admired greatly and was definitely no tyrant!

Books: The Murder of Princess Diana the Greatest Cover up of the Century by Neil Botham. The War of the Windsors by Lynn Picknett, Clive Prince and Steven Prior. The Windsor Story by J.V. Murphy and Charles J.V. Murphy A Royal Duty by Paul Burrell Princess Diana: The Evidence by Jon King and John Beveridge Earthly Joys by Phillippa Gregory

Alternative titles:

TAMPONS AND TYRANTS

THE ROYAL NigHT MaRE

Hunting out Camilla Parker Bowles

BRITISH MONARCHY REVEALED

For Better or for Worse

Another alternative title:

God save us all from Queen Camilla

A further alternative title:

Travesty at the Alter

Copyright2011 Jacalynne Flax - All rights reserved

The moral rights of the Author have been asserted

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the Great British Public

( the GBP) and the memory of

HRH Diana, Princess of Wales

The Peoples Princess

who was taken from us all too soon.

Princess Diana 1 July 1961 31 August 1997

Them that lived with her would have done her in for a hatpin, let alone a hat!...

Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw

Prologue

One might say, that this is a book about humor, monarchy and horses with apologies to the horses! Some might say this is a small and often pathetic quest for the truth (Oh, how I hate critics).

When it comes to the Royal Family, finding the truth is a HUGE task, and lets face it, the fact that I, a common all-garden English housewife and mother, without a title before or after my name, is even attempting it, is pathetic.

Common sense is the most UNCOMMON attribute of the human condition, Freedom is not free and costs millions (in money and lives) and the simple truth is a myriad labyrinth of truths, half-truths, deceptions and lies, impossible to grasp, and would we recognize it even if we fell over it? Probably not! And thats just us! Now imagine trying to ferret out the truth when it comes to the British Monarchy?

Yes, I said it was pathetic, but here we go.

Jacalynne

Introduction

(or if the crown fits)

Where does the truth begin and the spin end? Have we been watching and reading Royal fairy tales for so long, that we can no longer distinguish between one false tale and another horse tail?.

On 29th July, 1981, we witnessed, THE Uber fairytale in motion: The stupendous and over the top, opulence of the marriage of Lady Diana Spencer to HRH (His Royal Highness), The Prince of Wales.

It was fabulous! From the glass coach to the fabric for days wedding gown, the beautiful bridesmaids, the flowers, the thousands of people lining the streets. Some having camped out for days just to secure a glimpse of the magnificence, the coaches and the horses, dont forget them!

The pomp, the majesty and the finery, made you feel connected to something greater than you were. We were carried along in a tsunami of pride, they were our Royals. They belonged to us! We threw street parties, danced the night away and delighted in our heritage!

The rest of the world could only look on and admire we were the envy of all, they were Royal and they were ours.

But it was all a complete LIE!!

The Royals were a bunch of second hand salesmen and we bought the car!

The groom slept with his mistress the night before the wedding, the bride wanted to run away but couldnt because her face was all over the tea towels! The mistress was the first face the Bride saw when she entered the church, the glass coach was as uncomfortable as hell and the dress was a crumpled mess when she stepped out onto the pavement. It was a Royal nightmare! And we were all wide awake!

In previous centuries, the Royal family was considered the closest thing to God. The King was Gods representative on earth! Higher than the Pope! How do you maintain such an image without the use of smoke, mirrors and the utmost secrecy regarding your personal lifestyle - particularly when you are definitely NOT the Pope! And your lifestyle and excesses might have felt more at home in a bordello.

How do you maintain such an image without the use of smoke, mirrors and the utmost secrecy regarding your personal lifestyle - particularly when you are definitely NOT the Pope! And your lifestyle and excesses might have felt more at home in a bordello.

Ultimately it was Princess Diana, the part time, visiting, fairytale Princess who lifted the curtain on the magic show and allowed us to see the wires. Having exposed the world to the tricks, the trap doors and the dry ice. Diana seemed determined to examine the very human and often inhuman element of Royalty, under a very bright light and with a microscope!

Once examined, nobody looked above human. Everyone seemed horribly normal, and oft times so ridiculous, us mere mortals even felt superior!'

Have you heard the one about the prince, the toothbrush and the toothpaste footman? Why does a grown man need assistance putting toothpaste on his toothbrush? Isnt the average age for this highly complicated maneuver, THREE?!! As ridiculous as it seems, this one act epitomizes this Prince.

He doesnt see anything wrong with this type of behaviour, he doesnt feel that its inconsistent to pay a man to load up his toothpaste, lay out his underwear, his jim jams and teddy for bedtime and still make believe to the rest of the world that he is living in the 21st century.

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