Eloise Skinner - The Purpose Handbook: A beginners guide to figuring out what youre here to do

First published in Great Britain by Practical Inspiration Publishing, 2021

Eloise Skinner, 2021

The moral rights of the author have been asserted

ISBN 9781788602846 (print)

9781788602839 (epub)

9781788602822 (mobi)

All rights reserved. This book, or any portion thereof, may not be reproduced without the express written permission of the author.

Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders and to obtain their permission for the use of copyright material. The publisher apologizes for any errors or omissions and would be grateful if notified of any corrections that should be incorporated in future reprints or editions of this book.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PREFACE

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Rilke (Letters to a Young Poet)

In support of Career Ready UK

Career Ready is a national charity with a mission to boost social mobility by empowering young people and giving their talents a platform to flourish (check out the chapter of this book for some more information and background). A portion of the proceeds of this book will be donated to Career Ready.

ABOUT THIS BOOK: AN INTRODUCTION

If someone asked you about your purpose, what would you say?

Think about your goals; your ambitions. Think about what drives you, about who you are and what youre trying to do in the world. Whats your purpose? Would you know how to answer the question?

Its strange, because it seems like such a fundamentally important subject, and yet most of us probably dont have an immediate, clear response. We feel like we know ourselves and our everyday actions intimately and we do, of course but we often forget to step back for a moment and really look at our lives. Its possible that we spend more time curating our social media feeds than we do our actual existence.

We live in a rapidly changing world. The traditional paths of our parents and grandparents generations have lost their power. The authority and structures of religion can seem outdated. Mostly, we get to define our own lives now whether we get married, have children, move to the other side of the world but were left without guidance in the process. Often, even when we get what we were working towards, we end up wondering what was the point? What was it that I was looking for? Do I have a particular purpose here? Does any of this actually matter?

This story is familiar to me, because for a long time it was my story. After university, I attempted the typical millennial journey: degree, city career, responsibilities, social life, five-year plan. I always imagined a sense of purpose would fall into place without too much effort. I guess I thought that matching my life up to traditional signs of achievement would reward me with the deeper meaning Id been looking for. Spoiler alert: it didnt. I felt almost betrayed by this outcome like Id been promised something, and when Id worked to achieve it, it didnt deliver.

And so, I went searching for purpose. I looked for it in job opportunities and charity projects and meditation retreats. I qualified as a yoga teacher and moved to another country. I even spent a year training to be a monk (more on that later). Gradually, I started to gather together purpose-finding practices and tools that, over a long period of time, I used to design a personal sense of purpose, passion and intention.

The beauty of these kinds of purpose-finding practices is that you dont have to become a monk to claim them for yourself. You dont have to spend hours studying, or learn a specific technique, or follow a certain set of rules with perfection. Instead, you can integrate purpose-finding practices into your current life just as it is, bringing with you everything that you have including the whole of your past, as well as your hopes and dreams for the future. And thats where this book comes in.

This book doesnt tell you precisely what to think about the topic of purpose, and it doesnt instruct you how to approach it. Its not promising to fix your life. Instead, think of this book as your guide as you navigate the questions of meaning and purpose for yourself. Part manifesto, part manual, this book will walk you through the reasons why developing a sense of purpose is so important, and will give you a number of practical strategies as you begin to navigate your own path. There are also sections covering the practical aspects of this work, and a chapter dedicated to supporting your journey with some overall wellness tools.

As you start to develop your purpose-finding practices, youll discover that this work is deeply integrated with everything else in your life. This is not a career book, but you might find that your career progresses with more success. This is not a relationship book, but you might find that your relationships start to go deeper and carry more integrity. This is not a wellness book, but you might find that your own sense of personal wellbeing is better than it ever has been. Once you begin, this work starts to expand; eventually, it touches every part of your life. After all, this work is about the most fundamental questions you can ask yourself who you are, and what youre doing in the world.

The path towards finding your purpose isnt designed to make you into some kind of mission-driven machine, or to give you a singular focus to pursue for the rest of your life. This book is about something much more interesting the idea that its possible to experience your life one level deeper than the life youve experienced so far. Its about choosing to create a life infused with intention, integrity and meaning. Fundamentally, this book is centred around the idea that its possible to design the life you actually want to live to be a creator, rather than an observer.

The journey of finding your purpose will, of course, look different for everyone but this book provides a portfolio of resources to get started. I encourage you to approach the book like a toolkit: full of suggestions and advice, ready for you to try out in practice. See what works; see what doesnt. Add your own suggestions in the margins. Work through it, highlight what you love and revisit it regularly. Take ownership of the process: its your life, after all.

While I was writing this book, I had a conversation with a mentor about my own career ambitions. He mentioned, in passing, that very few people are fortunate enough to figure out their purpose in life. If thats true, its time to create change. I want you to be part of that change, and my hope is that the work of this book serves as an introduction.

A final note, before we get started. This isnt a sprint this is more like a steady trek. When I was on my monastic training, we were often encouraged to think of the programme as a pilgrimage, and I find that to be a helpful metaphor when it comes to starting the purpose-finding path. A pilgrimage is slow, steady and intentional. The steps arent taken to prove something to others, but to discover something about yourself who you are, and what youre contributing to the world. This is a lifelong journey, and theres no finish line: the work is always ongoing. But its important work. In fact, it might just be the most important work you ever do.