Robert J. Wicks - Riding the Dragon

All I had to do was read the chapter titles in this book to know that this was one dragon I wanted to ride. Wicks is a master who makes the spiritual life excitingand doable.

HELEN PREJEAN,

AUTHOR OF DEAD MAN WALKING

Like a good friends support in tough times, Riding the Dragon is compassionate and wise.

JACK KORNFIELD

AUTHOR OF THE WISE HEART

_________________________

2003, 2012 by Robert J. Wicks

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever, except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews, without written permission from Sorin Books, P.O. Box 428, Notre Dame, IN 46556-0428.

www.sorinbooks.com

Paperback: ISBN-10 1-893732-94-0, ISBN-13 978-1-893732-94-0

E-book: ISBN-10 1-933495-44-8, ISBN-13 978-1-933495-44-6

Cover design by Brian C. Conley.

Text design by Katherine Robinson Coleman.

Printed and bound in the United States of America.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wicks, Robert J.

Riding the dragon : 10 lessons for inner strength in challenging times

/ Robert J. Wicks.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 1-893732-65-7

1. Spiritual life. 2. Conduct of life. I. Title.

BL624.W515 2003

291.44--dc21

2003007149

She welcomes each day with enthusiasm,

laughter, curiosity, and boundless love

for everyone she meets

I am completely bowled over

by her spirit of spontaneous joy.

For my granddaughter,

Kaitlyn Marie Kulick

SPIRITUAL AND PERSONAL GROWTH BOOKS

BY ROBERT J. WICKS

Streams of Contentment

Prayerfulness

Crossing the Desert

Snow Falling on Snow

Simple Changes

Everyday Simplicity

Sharing Wisdom

Living a Gentle, Passionate Life

After 50: Embracing Your Own Wisdom Years

Circle of Friends (with Robert Hamma)

Seeds of Sensitivity: Deepening Your Spiritual Life

Touching the Holy: Ordinariness, Self-Esteem, and Friendship

Living Simply in an Anxious World

Availability

Contents

These days... we are apt to seek out a therapist to... help us get the dragon back into its cave. Therapists of many schools will oblige in this, and we will thus be returned to what Freud called ordinary unhappiness, and temporarily, heave a sigh of relief, our repressions working smoothly once again. Zen, by contrast, offers dragon-riding lessons.

DAVID BRAZIER

We should not just be a fan of dragons; we should always be the dragon himself. Then we will not be afraid of any dragon.

SHUNRYU SUZUKI

Preface to the Tenth Anniversary Edition of Riding the Dragon

Recent and somewhat fascinating findings have brought psychology into alignment with that which the spirituality literature of world religions has long claimed to be true with respect to suffering. In the area called posttraumatic growth studies are reporting now that some people who have encountered severe stress, dramatic loss, or trauma experience a positive paradox. They do not simply endure their pain and return to a quality of life similar to what it was before the trauma occurred. Instead, they experience new psychological growth and spiritual depth that would not have been possible had they not undergone a trauma or severe stress in the first place . The lesson from these findings, then, is thatalthough no one should want to suffer dramatically (and when it does happen it certainly should not be underplayed or denied)for some who are open to new possibilities, the terrible occurrences can actually turn out to be the source of unforeseen personal development.

Although these psychological findings were generally not available when Riding the Dragon was written over a decade ago, the philosophy underlying each of its chapters is in accord with them: namely, when all of lifeboth the perceived good and badis faced directly with a sense of openness, lifes promises are more fully realized. Moreover, this is not only important for the person experiencing struggles but also for those they may touch after absorbing the new lessons learned about gratitude, impermanence/the fragility of life, simplicity, meaning-making, and compassion.

As the following pages will point out, there is no guarantee that tough times will result in greater gentleness, wisdom, and a more grateful compassionate demeanor. But, the possibility is there for those who are open to itso why not try it? Certainly, when life falls apart, dont you deserve whatever good can come your way? And, it only takes one thing: openness to change and to the possibility that you will be gifted anew in some unforeseen way during and after these tough times of loss, trauma, loneliness, and great stress.

In the darkness, if we are open to seeing our helplessness and facing our loss and trauma directly, the result will be to experience the cardinal psychological and spiritual virtue of humility. When this occurs, wondrous results become possible; because when you take humility and add it to knowledge, you get wisdom. And when you add this gift of wisdom to compassion, you are in a position to offer selfless love. What more can you ask for than that?

By facing the dragons of reality and truth about our lives, much unforeseen growth, depth and promise become possible. It is not easy to face our lives at times. No one wants to experience, and it is not easy to face, loss, trauma, serious stress, and loneliness. That is very true. However, if we can learn to ride our dragons rather than run, hide from, or attack them, it can be transforming.

It is true, then, that what is written in psychological and various scriptural texts needs to be embraced: the truth shall set you free. And that is what this book is aboutthe new freedom and wisdom within reach when we open ourselves to all of life, includingmaybe especiallyduring our challenging times.

When life is overwhelming, you deserve all the support you can get. This is essential not only so you can return, as much as possible, to life as it was (though this rarely occurs completely) but also so that something more wonderful can happen, allowing you to share your life in ways never before considered possible. If in some way the following pages of Riding the Dragon can enable this to happen, I will be very grateful. You deserve whatever support you can get at this tender time in your life.

ROBERT J. WICKS

LOYOLA UNIVERSITY MARYLAND

Acknowledgments

I am grateful for the wonderful, gentle, and hopeful stories shared with me by Carol Barry, Veronica Cavanaugh-Kennedy, Lucille Winston, Luise Ahrens, and Cindy Boland. Stories like yours help me and others to find, deepen, and share ours. Thank you.

The help Karyn Felder offered me while typing and retyping version after version of this book with care and quiet enthusiasm kept me on track. This little book was in process for almost two years, so her patience and attention to detail made all the difference.

Finally, for her deep, honest, and loving review of this and all of my previous books, I cant put into words my appreciation for my wife Michaele. When I have had the faith and courage to ride the dragons in my life, she has had to take much of the heat in order to help me back on when I fell off. Thank you and I love you.

introduction

Every problem has two handles.

You can grab it by the handle of fear or the handle of hope.

MARGARET MITCHELL

A young woman who was studying to be a counselor volunteered some of her free time to sing and play the organ for funerals at her church. During one such occasion, a small, slender little boy came upstairs to the music loft to see her after the service. For him to come upstairs alone was a little odd since children usually dont wander around at a funeral. She asked him if he knew where his parents were. He told her in a very matter-of-fact way, Well, my mommy is downstairs and she said I could come up to see you. But my daddy is over there (pointing to the casket downstairs).