Isabelle Cornish - The Why

Published in 2022 by Murdoch Books, an imprint of Allen & Unwin

Copyright Isabelle Cornish 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 92235 135 7 Australia
ISBN 978 1 91166 815 2 UK
eISBN 978 1 76106 353 4

Cover and text design by Amy Daoud
Typesetting by Susanne Geppert
Back cover photograph Joe McGaffin
from The Work of Byron Katie. Reproduced with permission.

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright materials in this book, but in some instances this has proven impossible. The author(s) and publisher will be glad to receive information leading to more complete acknowledgements in subsequent printings of the book and in the meantime extend their apologies for any omissions.

DISCLAIMER: The content presented in this book is meant for informational and inspiration purposes only. The purchaser of this book understands that the information contained within this book is general in nature and not intended to replace individualised medical or mental health advice, or to be relied upon to treat, cure or prevent any disease, illness or medical condition. The author and publisher claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application or interpretation of the material in this book.

We acknowledge that we meet and work on the traditional lands of the Cammerayagal people of the Eora Nation and pay our respects to their elders past, present and future.

This book is a reminder to fight for the epic life you deserve!

TRIGGER WARNING: This text explores past traumas, eating disorders, mental illness and self-harm. If you are concerned about your mental health or that of a loved one, support is available. Contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or The Butterfly Foundation on 1800 33 4673.

Gender binary is a cultural or social construct that wants to put people in one of two boxes: male or female. I believe that this system does not celebrate individual expression, equality and diversity. Non-binary (or genderqueer) people are individuals that dont identify with being male or female, so instead of saying she/her/he/him, they often use the pronouns them/they/their. Gender nonconforming and non-binary individuals should be able to express themselves and be accepted without the limitation of gender binary. In this book, youll come across the terms feminine energy and masculine energy, but its important to note here that feminine energy does not solely belong to a person that identifies as a woman, and masculine energy is not limited to a person that identifies as a man. I support gender variance and all gender identities. I identify as a woman (she/her) so, for the purposes of this book, these are the pronouns I will often use.

It all started with a flyer.

Was it the answer to my hearts desire?

Before we dive in and your head starts to spin,

Id better rewind,

Give you some insight into my mind.

I was born on planet space,

Sent down to join the human race.

Id rather be dancing naked,

Than at a party wasted.

I love the ocean

And running in motion.

I have ADHD

And a red kelpie named Bee.

Im a girl that lives by her heart,

Lost in an imaginary art.

I am a woman in my twenties. A tad crazy (as you will be able to tell from reading this book), I live by my heart and have a deep love for health and wellness. Some of you may know me as an actor, influencer or health and wellness kiddo. However, what I value most is living an authentic life in alignment with my hearts desires.

Two of the things that I love most in life are acting and being in nature. When Im performing, I experience a beautiful flow state where everything around me disappears and Im wholly absorbed in the moment. I like to think of this state as being in the present in a zone where everything feels fun, effortless and awesome. This is the feeling I get when I spend time in nature, especially when Im in the forest or by the ocean.

I grew up in the Hunter Valley in New South Wales, Australia and I have three older brothers and an older sister. My school years were quite rough. During primary school, I was bullied about the shape of my body. I struggled to concentrate, which often led to me getting in trouble. I always felt different and like an outsider. I had not yet learned to love my intricacies.

During my teens, I was lucky to attend a performing arts high school. This school was outstanding for my creative development and growth. However, I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), so that made the academic side of high school very difficult for me. There were only a select few classes I could concentrate in sport, music and drama, for example. All I wanted to do was act. I devoted any moment I could to making homemade movies on a small VHS video camera. From age 15, I would skip school any chance I got. I would wait until my mum left for work then run back home from the bus stop.

I was a hurricane during those teenage years. My nights were spent drinking goon (very cheap wine) and my days were spent getting high and taking 5 hours to walk to the McDonalds that was only a couple of hundred metres away. I spent most weekends in my bedroom, tattooing my friends with a tattoo gun that I purchased from eBay. Yep, I know!

As time went on, I was still determined to pursue acting, and my family supported my creativity. But my mum was juggling work and study and couldnt afford to take time off to drive me to Sydney, so I had to wait until I was old enough to get there myself.

When that time came, Id travel roughly 3 hours each way on the train for one 10-minute audition. My hard work payed off and I began working on different TV shows. Over the next few years, I continued commuting while filming Dance Academy, Rescue Special Ops and Home and Away.

I was 17 when I started on the TV show Puberty Blues. A steady job enabled me to move out of my family home to Sydney. On paper, life was good, but inside I started to struggle. Spending my weekends partying in Kings Cross definitely didnt help.