Shaun Usher - Letters of Note: Grief
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Letters of Note was born in 2009 with the launch of lettersofnote.com, a website celebrating old-fashioned correspondence that has since been visited over 100 million times. The first Letters of Note volume was published in October 2013, followed later that year by the first Letters Live, an event at which world-class performers delivered remarkable letters to a live audience.
Since then, these two siblings have grown side by side, with Letters of Note becoming an international phenomenon, and Letters Live shows being staged at iconic venues around the world, from Londons Royal Albert Hall to the theatre at the Ace Hotel in Los Angeles.
You can find out more at lettersofnote.com and letterslive.com. And now you can also listen to the audio editions of the new series of Letters of Note, read by an extraordinary cast drawn from the wealth of talent that regularly takes part in the acclaimed Letters Live shows.
For all who have lost
PENGUIN BOOKS
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
penguinrandomhouse.com
First published in Great Britain by Canongate Books Ltd 2021
Published in Penguin Books 2022
Compilation and introductions copyright 2021 by Shaun Usher
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
constitute an extension of this copyright page.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Usher, Shaun, compiler.
Title: Letters of note. Grief / compiled by Shaun Usher.
Other titles: Grief
Description: [New York] : Penguin Books, 2022. | Series: Letters of note ; 8
Identifiers: LCCN 2021025586 (print) | LCCN 2021025587 (ebook) | ISBN 9780143136781 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9780525508281 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Bereaved personsCorrespondence. | Grief. Classification: LCC BF575.G7 L483 2022 (print) | LCC BF575.G7 (ebook) | DDC 152.4dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021025586
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021025587
Cover design & illustration: Colin Webber
pid_prh_5.8.0_139121902_c0_r0
The book you now hold is a carefully curated collection of thirty-one letters, the earliest written in 45 bc , the most recent in 2019, from the pens and typewriters of novelists, spiritual leaders, activists, musicians, politicians, poets and everyday folk, sent from addresses in all corners of the globe.
Tying them all together is grief, an emotional process we are all destined to experience as we stumble blindly through life for grief is our natural reaction to loss. It is the pit that forms in our stomach as a loved one walks away, or the paralysing wave of darkness that arrives just as someone dies. Grief can cause pain and tears, bring strange consolation or overwhelm. It can sometimes do all at once. We can grieve the loss of anyone or anything, be it a person, an animal, a job or a dream, and it is important to remind ourselves that there is no correct way to do so, for although grief is universal, it manifests differently for all. By its very nature, the grieving process is often lonely. Some people grieve in silence, either through choice or circumstance; others need to find a way to put their grief into words, to make sense somehow of the experience and translate it into a recognisable form. Maybe, just maybe, if it can be articulated, it can help us, in some way.
Over the years I have compiled many different collections of letters, on subjects ranging from Love to Art, from Music to Sex, from War to Dogs. It is no exaggeration to say that researching this particular volume, Grief, has been, all at once, the most heartbreaking, enlightening, fulfilling and rewarding of them all. To be able to read the words of those who have lost so much, and the words of those attempting to console, even a little, those who are grieving is something of an honour.
It is my hope that Letters of Note: Grief may act as another tool with which those of you who are suffering loss can ease your pain, by reminding you that you are not alone in your suffering, that there have been others out there and will be others again. Similar paths have been walked.
Shaun Usher
2020
To most people, Mary Ann Evans is better known as George Eliot, a pen name which adorns the covers of her seven novels including, most notably, Middlemarch, A Study of Provincial Life, which is considered to be her masterpiece. It was in July of 1870, a year before that novels publication, that Eliot wrote this letter. Her friend, Lady Lytton, was dealing with the recent loss of her uncle, George Villiers, 4th Earl of Clarendon, who for all intents and purposes had for many years acted as her father.
Harrogate
I did not like to write to you until Mr. Lytton sent word that I might do so, because I had not the intimate knowledge that would have enabled me to measure your trouble; and one dreads, of all things, to speak or write a wrong or unseasonable word when words are the only signs of interest and sympathy that one has to give. I know now, from what your dear husband has told us, that your loss is very keenly felt by you, that it has first made you acquainted with acute grief, and this makes me think of you very much. For learning to love any one is like an increase of propertyit increases care, and brings many new fears lest precious things should come to harm. I find myself often thinking of you with that sort of proprietors anxiety, wanting you to have gentle weather all through your life, so that your face may never look worn and storm-beaten, and wanting your husband to be and do the very best, lest anything short of that should be disappointment to you. At present the thought of you is all the more with me because your trouble has been brought by death; and for nearly a year death seems to me my most intimate daily companion. I mingle the thought of it with every other, not sadly, but as one mingles the thought of some one who is nearest in love and duty with all ones motives. I try to delight in the sunshine that will be when I shall never see it any more. And I think it is possible for this sort of impersonal life to attain great intensitypossible for us to gain much more independence than is usually believed of the small bundle of facts that make our own personality. I dont know why I should say this to you, except that my pen is chatting as my tongue would if you were here. We women are always in danger of living too exclusively in the affections, and though our affections are, perhaps, the best gifts we have, we ought also to have our share of the more independent lifesome joy in things for their own sake. It is piteous to see the helplessness of some sweet women when their affections are disappointed; because all their teaching has been that they can only delight in study of any kind for the sake of a personal love. They have never contemplated an independent delight in ideas as an experience which they could confess without being laughed at. Yet surely women need this sort of defence against passionate affliction even more than men. Just under the pressure of grief, I do not believe there is any consolation. The word seems to me to be drapery for falsities. Sorrow must be sorrow, ill must be ill, till duty and love towards all who remain recover their rightful predominance. Your life is so full of those claims that you will not have time for brooding over the unchangeable. Do not spend any of your valuable time now in writing to me, but be satisfied with sending me news of you through Mr. Lytton when he has occasion to write to Mr. Lewes.
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