Marilu Henner - Wear Your Life Well: Use What You Have to Get What You Want

WEAR

Your Life

WELL

USE WHAT YOU HAVE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

MARILU HENNER

WITH LORIN HENNER

For Michael, Nick, and Joey

The best reasons for wearing my life well

Contents

Years ago I was having lunch with my good friend Jim Brooks, the brilliant three-time Oscar and nineteen-time Emmy Awardwinning director and writer. We get together a few times a year, ever since our old Taxi days, and he is one of my favorite people, not only because he is brilliant and funny, but also because he is genuinely interested in everything, especially the inner workings of the human mind. (You gotta love a guy like that!) So here we were sitting and having a great old time when we both happened to notice a woman a few tables away. She was beautiful, fit, and well dressed and could have been a model from a magazine article on having it all. Except for one thing.

Everything about her mood said, I hate my life.

Im sure she was just having a bad day (and certainly Ive had my share of days when I couldve looked the same to nosy restaurant patrons), but the sight of her gave the two of us plenty of food for thought and discussion. Why do you think shes unhappy? Jim asked, ever the inquisitor. I have no idea, but it looks like life is wearing her down. Her life is wearing her, rather than the other way around. Weve all been there. But its not enough just to wear your life; you have to wear your life well!

Jim and I talked a lot that day about what wear your life well means, and over the years Ive thought about that phrase many times, especially when I see someone worn down by life or feel that way myself. What Ive come to realize is that the key to wearing your life well is to fully understand what you have and, equally important, know what you want. You have to take a profound look at your dreams, goals, and aspirations, followed by a good, hard look at your assets, resources, liabilities, and talents. And then, you have to figure out a way to bridge the gap between the twowhile learning to enjoy the adventure!

We all know people who seem to have it allgreat job, home, family, and so onbut every time you talk to them, they sound miserable. A lot of this negativity radiates from how someone was raised and what he or she was taught to expect from life. Those who grew up thinking the world owes them something, or that life should not be a struggle, tend to struggle their whole lives. On the other hand, there are many people who dont seem to have very much, or are loaded down with many responsibilities, but it doesnt matter. They love life! Every time you see them, theyre smiling. Theyre always optimistic, and they have great faith in their resources and relationships. They can see the bigger picture, and it looks damn good. Struggling doesnt matter to them, because they are wearing their life well. They know how to make things work for them, and you get the feeling that they wouldnt change places with anyone else, because they genuinely love what life has to offer!

The question How much do you love your life? is perhaps the best indicator of how well you are wearing yours.

Are you happy? Are you living the life you want? If not, for whom are you doing it all? Are you living for other people? Are you guided by your own plan or by the design of others? Do you see your life as a daily grind, or are you eager to face each day and every new challenge? Do you get along well with your family, friends, relatives, and coworkers, or do you harbor anger, resentment, or guilt? Are you working toward a dream, or are you daydreaming about not working? Are you working the coat, or burying yourself within it? In essence, do you wear your life well?

If you are wearing your life as if it came off the rack, how much are you willing to change that? You have to honestly ask yourself what is and isnt working. You have to analyze your life from every angle and be willing to make some hard choices, even if it means shaking up someone elses life in the process. Chances are, whatever is not working for you is not working for them either, but neither of you has been willing to risk the change. You cant be afraid to be honest with yourself and others. This book may force you to be more truthful than ever before, but I promise it will be worth it!

For the last ten years, I have been creating and teaching weekly classes on diet, fitness, career, and lifestyle on my Web site, Marilu
.com. These are very intensive, highly supportive discussions and workshops that have led to an abundance of life-changing moments for me and for thousands of members around the world. Believe me, in ten years, we have talked about everything, but the variety of topics weve explored together could be categorized into several basic themes. The more deeply we explored these subjects, the more I realized that mastering all of them is fundamental for living life to the fullest and wearing your life well. Ive used these classes to prepare the chapters of this book, so that I can include the wealth of information I have gained over the years from our members. These issues, and the classes that cover them, are the backbone of this book.

The classes at Marilu.com change frequently throughout the year, and there are some classes the members cant get enough of, especially the ones we explore in depth in this book: The Mindfields of Self Sabotage; Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone and Facing Your Fears; Learn to Love the Food That Loves You; Detox 101; Setting Up Your Environment to Win; The Role of Your LifeYOU, the Character You Were Meant to Play; Radar and Resilience; Use It or Lose It; Loving Your Stress Before It Kills You; Sharpen Your Presentation and Detox Your Style; Booty Camp Blitz (for when you need to get in shape fast!); and our favorite subject... SEX!

Not long after I started working on this book, doing research and interviews and gathering and organizing material, I was offered the opportunity to be on the show Celebrity Apprentice. I was concerned at first about putting the book on hold, but then I realized that working on two projects at the same time often benefits both rather than hindering either. I realized, too, that almost every book Ive written was crafted while working on another project. I wrote Total Health Makeover while starring in the show Chicago on Broadway. I was doing Chicago again, this time in Las Vegas, while writing I Refuse to Raise a Brat. Healthy Life Kitchen was written while I was shooting a TV movie. I did the national tour of Annie Get Your Gun while writing Healthy Kids, and I was working on Broadway in The Tale of the Allergists Wife while writing Healthy Holidays. This book turned out to be no exception.

Im glad I took on Celebrity Apprentice in the middle of writing this book, because it gave me a perspective I would not have had otherwise. Sometimes in life youre set on a path, and you dont even know why youre following, it but you trust the world and your instincts enough to know that the reason will eventually reveal itself. It turned out that I could not have had a more perfect experience to correlate with this book. I learned more about myself and others by observing how we all handled being tested in such a cutthroat, stressful, time-condensed environment. It was more than gratifying to me to realize that everything I was writing about rang true with the celebrities I was competing against. It was a powerful reconfirmation of the core philosophies of this book, because I watched them all in action!

Every person on the show was dealing with comfort zones, self-sabotage, and facing their fears. Many people showed how well they use what they have to get what they want. I witnessed those who were quick-witted and dynamic at tasks because they trusted themselves to stay in the moment. I could see evidence that the most successful people were those who had learned how to use it, not lose it. I recognized the advantage of knowing how to set up your environment to win. I saw time and time again that presentation was even more important than what was being presented. I watched people who were brilliant at tuning into their radar, and those who failed themselves and others because they didnt know how to read a room. I witnessed people use their sex appeal to get what they needed in the most attractive ways. I watched people lie, cheat, beg, borrow, and stealbut we were playing a game, and it was all in the name of charity! And I learned again what Ive always known: Resilience and being able to get over it are the most important qualities to possess in order to get where you most want to go.