David Glen Robb - Paul, Big, and Small

For Ruth,
who taught me to jump

Contents

Chapter 1

W hen I first met Lily, she burped in my face. We were seven at the time, and it was disgusting. I squeezed my eyes shut as if that could protect me from the warm, moist air that erupted from her stomach and spilled over me. It smelled like peanut butter and Fritos.

It happened at a small park near my house. Id gone to get a drink, and Lily was leaning against the cinder block wall next to the drinking fountain with her arms folded and ankles crossed. I thought she looked a little suspicious because she appeared to be trying too hard to look casual by staring off into the sky. Plus, all her friends were nearby, giggling.

I knew something was up, but I stopped to get a drink anyway. Lily was cute, and I figured it wouldnt be too bad to be the victim of a cute girls prank. She was long and gangly with big brown eyes and her hair in a big Afro. I was also intrigued by the fact that she was black. There werent a lot of black kids where I lived. Id only met two or three in my life up to that point.

Just before I got to the drinking fountain, Lily cut me off, leaned over, and took a big drink. I was puzzled. Why were her friends giggling so much? Then she lifted her head up from the fountain and leaned toward my face. There was a long, strange moment where I thought she was going to kiss me. I was thrilled and terrified at the same time. Then, only an inch from my lips, she opened her mouth and let out a deep, gaseous belch.

Lily smirked at me while her friends burst into an explosion of laughter. I tried to pretend it didnt bother me and gave her what I hoped was a youre so immature expression. She still stood between me and the drinking fountain, so I said, Could you please move? Im trying to get a drink.

Lily simply folded her arms and continued to smirk while her friends laughed even harder. I wasnt sure what to do. I didnt want to look like a wimp by backing down. On the other hand, I didnt dare push her out of the way. She was taller than I was, and if she punched as hard as she burped, I was really in for it. Just before I decided to walk away, she stepped aside.

As I was drinking, she asked, Whats your name?

I wiped the water from my mouth with the back of my hand and said, Paul. Whats yours?

Lily, she said.

I looked up into her face. The first thing I noticed was her smile. It was crooked, and she didnt have either of her two front teeth. Just glistening pink gums where they had once been. The second thing I noticed was the dark-brown spot on the side of her chin.

Is that a mole? I asked, pointing at it.

Her friends quit laughing and watched.

Lilys hand went to her chin, and her smile vanished. Yeah, so?

Is it cancerous?

Whats that mean? she asked. She sounded mad. I dont think she liked me pointing out her mole or that I knew a word she didnt.

I took a step back and said, It means you could die from it.

You cant die from a mole, she said.

Yes, you can. My mom did.

Lilys expression made me step back again. No, you cant , she said. Her hand dropped from her chin and became a fist.

I should have shut up at that point, but I couldnt. In my seven-year-old mind, I felt it was my duty to warn her of the danger she was in. If Lily had a mole, then she might have cancer. The doctors said my mom would have been fine if she had known about her cancer sooner. I said, Its true, and you could have cancer, and you could die.

Then Lily punched me in the face.

That mole was the reason I recognized Lily on my first day of high school eight years later. Being punched in the face had lodged the exact size, shape, and location of that little mole into my memory like a handprintor in this case, a fist-printin setting cement.

I fought the current of students in a congested hall between classes. No easy task when youre only four feet, ten-and-a-half inches tall and weigh ninety pounds. When youre as short as I am, its hot, humid, confusing, and claustrophobic to be trapped in a crowd. I felt like a baby calf separated from its mother in the middle of a wildebeest stampede. I tried to cut out to the side, aiming to duck through a doorway before I was trampled to death.

When I reached the doorway, I looked up and saw a silver womens bathroom sign. I panicked and tried to veer away, only to be knocked to the ground by somebodys chest.

Now, Im short and all, but this guy was way over six feet tall. He stood like a tree in the middle of the stampeding students. Sprawled in the shadow of his towering form, I somehow managed not to be crushed.

Sorry, man, I said.

Man? a distinctly female voice said.

In my defense, I generally navigated school hallways with my head down and my eyes on the floor. It was safer that way. No eye contact meant I was openly submissive and less likely to catch the attention of a passing alpha male. Teenage guys are a lot like dogs in that way.

But that meant I hadnt actually looked at the person I had run into. I just assumed she was a guy due to her height. When I finally looked up, I saw that the lamppost-sized person standing above me was definitely a girl. A black girl. And thats when I saw the mole. She loomed over me, looking down with an expression of disgust, her hands on her hips, but I couldnt help but think she was still kind of cute. But she was so tall .

Watch where youre going, twerp, Lily said as I struggled to get to my feet.

Sorry, I mumbled, my face burning. I didnt know whether Lily was angry or amused, because I didnt dare look at her. There was a long, awkward moment of silence. I felt like a minnow squirming in the shadow of a long-legged crane, waiting to see if I would be deemed worth eating.

She finally let out a huff, stepped around me, and continued on her way.

Stumbling to the side of the hallway next to the bathroom door, I put my back to the wall and watched Lily stroll off. She towered over all the other students, and they scrambled to get out of her way. I let out a sigh of relief. That was close. The last thing I needed on the first day of school was to get beat up by a girl.

I waited next to the bathroom until the crowd thinned and it was safe to continue. I was late to my next class, and the only seat left was on the front row. I hated sitting on the front row. I liked the back row. It wasnt because I was a troublemaker or anything. I just needed to stay invisible.

Staying invisible is how I survived school. I didnt talk in class unless absolutely necessary, all my clothes were neutral in both color and style, and my hair was ordinary and unremarkable. Besides the fact that I was abnormally short, I didnt stand out in any way, good or bad. I was like the human equivalent of one of those stick bugs that look like the branch of a tree: people could step right on me and never know I was there. I had mastered the art of social camouflage.

But to get to my seat on the front row, I had to step over these long, smooth, black legs. Very long, smooth, black legs. I glanced up, and there was Lily, looking at me. Even sitting in a desk, she was still taller than I was standing up.

She smirked and said, Hey, twerp.

Hey, I said. It came out as a pathetic squeak. I felt my face heat up again.

Lily looked me up and down. I would like to say she was checking me out, like she thought I was hot or something, but it wasnt like that. Id grown used to people looking at me like she did. Usually it was when I told them my age, and they were like, Youre fifteen? and then they looked at me again as if trying to decide if a fifteen-year-old guy could really fit into a body so small.