Sharee Samuels - A Funeral for My Fat: My Journey to Lay 100 Pounds to Rest

Copyright 2016 by Sharee Samuels

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Jane Sheppard

Cover photo: iStockphoto

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-0492-3

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-0493-0

Printed in the United States of America

This book is dedicated to my incredible husband, Andre.

And to my wonderful parents, Brian and Kandyce, who raised me with love, encouragement, and a mind-set to accomplish my dreams. Thank you, Mom and Dad.

Contents

Introduction:

My Best Friend

M y best friend and I decided we wanted to lose weight. But working out was too hard for us. We would try, but give up. I thought that running was boring and hurt too much, and I just didnt have the endurance to do traditional gym workouts. My best friend wanted to, though. It was a constant battle between her wanting to work out and me not liking the discomfort I felt. My best friend could keep going; Id decide that we would stop.

I turned the focus to food.

Before, we would eat junk food whenever we wanted: fast food, cookies, cake, soda, chips, pizza, corn dogs, frozen burritos, pizza pockets. My friend always ate what I ate, even if she really wanted something else.

I was so tired of being overweight! I hated myself for eating copious amounts of junk food. It was her fault! Why didnt she stop me? She knew what my goals were, so why was she not making it easier by helping me stay on track?

We were best friends, but we would fight all the time. It typically ended with me telling her how much I hated her and how ugly and worthless she was. The whole time I was verbally ripping her apart, I knew it was my fault I felt this way. But I was so frustrated I had to take it out on her. She didnt stop me from eating the bad food! And she didnt make me work harder. So she was to blame too, the way I saw it.

The next day I decided I was no longer going to eat. We were no longer going to eat. Shed complain about how hungry she was. She would constantly ask me when we could eat; I would tell her she was fat. And that she would always be fat if she didnt stop eating. I hated her. I was glad she was hungry. She should be hungry! It was her fault we were both so fat and ugly.

That whole week, all we ate was a cup of soup and an orange.

I felt fat, tired, and ugly. My friend was fat, tired, and ugly.

One night I found myself crying in my bathroom. I just wanted to be pretty! Why could I not be pretty?! I was so ugly. It wasnt fair. My friend was there, so I started telling her how disgusting and ugly she was. I was shouting in her face, screaming that she was a failure and no one would ever want to be with someone as hideous as her. She was fat, and I was fat.

She was exhausted, I could see it in her face. She didnt look healthy, and she looked so sad I stared at her until I couldnt take it anymore. I hit her. And as the mirror broke, I could see my best friend staring back at me through all the broken pieces of the mirror, crying with me.

In this life, we are our own best friend. Friends for life. One body, one life, one team.

How crazy would it be if we talked to our friends that way? If we walked around and constantly told them how unattractive they are, how disgusting their stomach and thighs look? Made comments that no one will love them because of their enormous body? Of course we would never talk to our friends that way; if we did, we wouldnt have many left. If we wouldnt talk to our friends that way why do we feel its okay to talk to ourselves that way?

When did it become okay to tell yourself how repulsive you are, how you dont deserve to eat because your body is too disgusting to look at? How youre not worthy of happiness because your thighs touch when you walk? It sounds crazy, I know! But, sadly, it happens every day. We are guilty of shattering our best friend, destroying our own hopes and dreams because of our self-destructive and negative ways. And when did taking up space become the most repulsive thing that a person could do?!

Dark days happen; storm clouds roll in and bring the worst weather with them. So how can you prepare for that?

With rain comes growth. That rain is what makes us stronger and able to complete the climb to our goals. The rain will come with slippery slopes, but that doesnt mean you have to stop and build your life in the muddiest rain puddle you find. You can choose to keep moving forward, even on days when you feel gloomy.

Choosing to love yourself is the most powerful tool you will ever have on your journey. Learning to love yourself is the first step in creating the life you want to live. Your self-love will be a driving force on the days when you feel ready to give up and turn back. When you and your body work as a team and you hold each other accountable, you can accomplish anything! When you fuel your body with healthy foods, your body will reward you with endurance to power through those workouts. When you give your body rest days, your body will return the strength to tackle the week. When your body feels good, you feel good. When you treat your body poorly, you wont walk around feeling like a rock star. I stopped treating my body like a foreign object working against me, and began to treat my body like the best friend it is. And that friend was the person who helped me reach my goals. I would not be the Sharee I am today without the 256-pound Sharee deciding to fight for our goals.

Sure, self-love sounds easyI mean, how hard can it be to love yourself? But it is challenging, especially in a society where youre constantly told you need to improve every aspect of your life. From your appearance, the car you drive, and your waist-to-hip ratio, to the technology you use, your job, your relationships, your family, and how you handle stress nothing is untouched regarding societys standards of how we can improve our lives and become ideal and socially acceptable people. But that doesnt mean you have to conform to societal norms or ideals.

The most valuable and important aspect of any healthy life is your ability to love yourself regardless of your flaws. And so what if youre flawed?! I actually hate using the term flaw, because honestly, welcome to real life, where thighs touch, or dont touch, and people stare because your legs are stick thin; real life, where skin stretches, arms wiggle when you move them, hips have love handles, back fat is a thing, and one boob is bigger than the other. Its not a crime to be a real person. Its not a crime to be thin, and its not a crime to take up space. Its not a crime to be you. And if someone has a problem with that, it says more about them than you.