Phil Stacey - Made to Worship: Empty Idols and the Fullness of God

Made to Worship: Empty Idols and the Fullness of God

2021 Joel Philip Stacey. All rights reserved.

A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188

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IM BACKSTAGE on the set of American Idol, and I am absolutely terrified. Tens of millions will be watching tonights live show, and my nerves are shot. Simply breathing is difficult. Im sweating, and my legs are trembling.

I softly sing a Rich Mullins classicHold me Jesus, cause Im shaking like a leaf.

In a few minutes I will be escorted to the Idol stage to perform. While Im waiting I wonder, Why in the world have I gotten myself into this? All my dreams are right in front of me, but one misstep could cost me everything.

The pressure has been building steadily, to the point where Im having borderline panic attacks before each show. Its been this way for a few weeks now, and its not getting any better.

Finally, the most wonderful woman in the world decides shes seen enough. My wife looks at me with all the love she can muster. The conversation goes something like this:

Phil, you need to know that this is pride, Kendra says. Its eating away at you, and you need to get rid of it or it will destroy you.

Im perplexed. If this were pride, I reply, Id have at least some measure of confidence. What youre seeing right now is humility!

No, Phil. This is you being worried about how you come across on television because you want everyone to think youre good. But this isnt about you. There were thousands of auditions this year, and most of them were good. But those other singers arent here. You are. And I imagine the only way thats possible is because God has prepared a way for you to be here.

Seems to me that He has a purpose in all this. Seems to me that its in His hands. And if you can fully trust Him, youll stop worrying about how good you look and just start enjoying the ride. If you get eliminated, God has opened doors for you. If you make it through, God has opened doors for you. Either way, God will give you the grace to do whatevers necessary to accomplish His purpose.

Not only was Kendra right, her words immediately gave me a sense of peace. It wasnt about me. Id bought into the idea that I was born for this, that this was my big shot. But my life was not in the hands of the American Idol judgesSimon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Paula Abdul. My life was not in the hands of the millions of viewersvoters!tuning in at home. My life was in the hands of a loving heavenly Father who was fully capable of giving me supernatural singing abilities if He chose to do so. He was also capable of extending my run for no other reason than to use my Idol experience for His glory.

I know that He did use me. I received countless messages from Idol fans telling me how one performance or another moved them in some way. But my favorite message had very little to do with me.

The woman who wrote to me was a Navy wife. She and her husband were on the brink of divorce, and one of the few times the two of them were in the same room together, they were watching American Idol. Since I was also in the Navy at the time, she was rooting for me. Unfortunately, this particular episode was not one of my best moments. It was actually quite terrible. She recalled how Simon Cowell was dumbfounded by my whole performance.

Thats when an Idol camera focused on a woman in the audience. Kendra has a beautiful smile, and apparently she was beaming as she made eye contact with me from the crowd. The image cut back to me, but I wasnt looking at Simon while he delivered his critique. Instead, I was staring right at Kendra, which brought a smile to my face as well.

The Navy wife described feeling an overwhelming presence of love. She began to cry. Later that night, having looked me up online, she discovered I was a part-time worship leader. Strangely, it was her husband who first commented on the connection theyd witnessed between Kendra and me that night. That special connection, she told her husband, was because we had put God first in our relationship. After a conversation about how badly they both wanted their marriage to work, the couple made the decision to look for a Christian counselor and give their marriage one more try.

She told me that they had both committed their lives to Christ and had started attending a church close to their home. She said their marriage was reborn as they actively pursued a love built not on selfishness but on a foundation of faith. At the time I was probably more concerned about my lackluster singing, but God had done something special with that couple. God can create beauty from ashes, whether its a poor performance on American Idol or a rough few years in a dying marriage. He can work all things together for our good.

Her message moved me immensely. Even when Im at my worst, God is still able to use me! How liberating is that? It takes the pressure of a perfect performance off of my shoulders. My purpose isnt to entertain people or somehow manipulate them through the power of my vocal prowess. Its to bring glory to God.

Im not a singer. Im a worshiper. When I place what little I have in Gods hands, He takes it, blesses it, and uses it far beyond my wildest expectations.

I wish I could say that this couples story transformed my attitude completely. I cant. I wish I could say that the rest of my experience with the show was positive and uplifting. It wasnt. I wish I could say that I performed on American Idol for my children. I didnt.

I did it for myself.

Id wanted to be a singer my whole life, and I spent more time away from my kids during that year than I spent with them. My message on Idol was I want to encourage my kids to pursue their dreams. I dont know if they actually aired that comment on the show. They might have. But the truth is that I said that stuff when they stuck a television camera in my face because I thought it sounded good.