Kristi Watts - Talk Yourself Happy: Transform Your Heart by Speaking Gods Promises

This book is dedicated to the love of my life.

My smile.

My heart.

My joy.

My happy.

My son.

Chase

Contents

It was January 1, and while the world celebrated a new year, all I could think was, I cant believe Im facing another year of nothing when all year Ive been praying for something to happen. This was officially year two of life without a job. Not an easy thing when youre a divorced, single parent whose spouse bailed on you and your son years prior, pillaging all bank accounts and leaving you high and dry to fend for yourself.

But it wasnt just the no-job thing or even the God, have you noticed my bank account is on empty? thing. It was the What in the world is going on in my life? thing. And the Where did I go wrong? thing. I didnt get it. I had done everything I knew to do, but I was quickly becoming heartsick and hope depleted. In the past, it was hope that had kept my engine of faith moving forward. But these days, my engine light was on and my hope in God was sputtering to a halt.

My life needed to change and I longed to be happy. In the Christian world, to say that you want to be happy is often met with a sideways glance and a frown. To seek happiness is to seek something superficial, temporary, and circumstantial, I was told as I grew up in church. Its not about being happy, its about having the joy of the Lord.

I get it. Im not going to argue. But I dont completely agree with that premise. I believe that happiness and joy are interrelated and completely dependent upon each other. David said, In your presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11 ESV ). But what makes that joy full or complete? Its the happy.

The happy moments that come in the form of God taking action in our lives.

The kind of action that blesses, heals, helps, guides, loves, and restores.

The kind of action that collectively fulfills our lives and, as a result, brings us into his presence where there is fullness of joy.

Its all about those God moments. Those moments when you know... that you know... that you know that God is actively working with you and for you, because he loves you. I love those happy moments, because they continuously show us that God is trustworthy. One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 16:20: Whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he! ( NKJV ).

Did you know that happiness is one of the many things God desires for us? In fact, the Greek word for blessed is makarios, which means happy. There are more than twenty-seven verses in the Bible that mention happiness. If the Word of God is a reflection of the heart of God, and if we can see through his Word that God recognizes the importance of happiness in our lives, then Im not one to argue with him. Bring it on!

The problem I was facing that January, though, was that no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt find the happy. I didnt know if I was blind to it or simply too marred from walking through the battlefield of life to see it. Whichever one it was, all evidence of what I knew to be happiness seemed to be gone.

It felt as if Gods hand was so far away from me, I was beginning to believe that my God moments had become a thing of the past. So much so, I couldnt smile and I couldnt remember the last time I had laughed. My heart was so heavy that tears sprang up at the slightest mention of anything. I felt as if someone had injected my face with an overdose of Botox, and any expression of joy was restrained by the heaviness within my heart.

Did I do something wrong, God? I thought as I sat alone on my couch. Are you angry with me? I asked, not really expecting a response back. I had prayed and fasted so much in the past couple of years that I eventually told myself, Why bother? Theres nothing else I can say to God that I havent said at least a million times over. It felt as if my prayers were hitting the ceiling, and God had placed my life on the bottom of his to-do list. I felt alone in my struggle and was fully convinced that God had checked out, along with the rest of the world.

Heres the crazy part. In my arrogance, I felt that I deserved better. Sixteen years serving in Christian ministry should count for something, right? I had lived a good Christian life, so God was supposed to give me good! Wasnt that how life worked? You do good things, so you get good things? But my life didnt feel good. And I was in a genuine quandary as to how I had gotten to this place and, more important, how to get out.

I just wanted to be happy again.

As soon as the phone rang, I knew it was my mother. You talk about a true woman of God; she is the real deal. My mother was the one who led me to the Lord when I was only five years old. As I sat on the couch in my family room remembering that day in my parents bedroom, I quietly wished I could go back to the mind-set of that little girl.

Without hesitation or reserve, that little girl unabashedly placed her love and trust in the Lord. She talked to God all the time and could sense his presence in every aspect of her life. But now that girl was a full-grown woman with a suitcase full of life experiences that begged to stand in the way of fully trusting anyone. Even God.

Happy New Year! my mother said over the phone. How are you doing today?

My response was brief and stoic. I didnt have much to say.

She could sense my struggle, so she tried even harder to change my mood by sounding more upbeat and encouraging. It didnt work.

I wasnt in the mood to talk, but I muddled through the conversation anyway. The worries of life and the weight of discouragement had taken its toll. My mind inadvertently zoned in and out of the phone conversation until it was lured back at the mention of a struggle one of my sisters was going through. As I listened to my mother talk, my mind flashed back to when I had gone through a similar battle. But then my mind zoomed past the struggle and landed on the way God had responded and intervened.

I began to remember how God healed my broken heart when it felt as if it was shattered into a million pieces. I remembered how God supernaturally provided for me and my son with things only he knew we needed. And I remembered how God sent the right people at the right time to open the right doors for us.

Suddenly, now fully engaged in the conversation, I began to tell my mother what I had remembered. If God did it for me, then hell do it for her! I said, with a new sense of rekindled hope in my voice as my words began to sink into my mind and change my heart.

The memory banks of Gods goodness in both of our lives were unleashed. We couldnt stop talking about our personal experiences. Remember when God did this... remember when God did that... ! we exclaimed, talking over each other. We were more than encouraged in the moment.

We were recharged by the hope we have in knowing who God is.

We were renewed by reminding ourselves of the vitality we gain by living in the presence of God.

And our personal circumstances were redefined because we chose to see our lives through the eyes of Christ rather than through the limitations of our own perspectives.

Our words were like lightbulbs illuminating the handprint of God within our lives. They revealed countless moments of rescue, blessing, healing, deliverance, help, comfort, and love. As I verbally recounted Gods Word, Gods promises, and Gods hand on my own life, the weight that had been a suffocating force lifted like an early morning mist in the summer sun.

The smile that had evaded me for so long revealed itself once again.