Jason Clark - Surrendered and Untamed: A Field Guide for the Vagabond Believer

The Believe Switch

The Audible Voice

Made good on grace, surrendered to the winds

Up and away, the life I was born to live

Note: I have changed the names in the following story because its funnier... and because my sister told me too.

Have you ever heard the audible voice of God, the actual, audible voice? On a daily basis I encounter God through reading, or prayer, and of course music. Throughout the day, He speaks to me. And then there have been the profound, unmistakable meetings with God where Ive experienced the power of His presence in my heart, mind, body, and soul.

But there was one time I heard Him speak audibly. Its only happened once and this is what He said: Youre kissing another mans wife.

When I was ten years old, the kids in my class started to tease me about Wonder Woman (name changed). There was a song they loved to sing when Wonder Woman and I were in the same room. It went like this: Jason and Wonder Woman sitting in a tree / K-I-S-S-I-N-G / First comes love, then comes marriage / then comes a baby in the baby carriage. Its a catchy tune; it gets in your head.

The song really didnt bother me much; I was only slightly embarrassed. But more than anything, I was surprised. In all honesty, at that point in my life I hadnt even thought about the love part yet. And why were we in a tree?

But the kids kept singing the song and Wonder Woman seemed nice, so I started considering it. Ten children seemed about right, I even came up with a few namesTalon, Blade, and Lightning... and then of course Thunder. And as far as the kissing was concerned, did we really have to?

One night my dad overheard my sister, Aimee, and I talking about the impending nuptials. He called me over. Jason, you are too young to be thinking about girls. And that was that, the wedding was called off and I stopped thinking about Wonder Woman and our ten kids. When I was young, many things were just easier. If Dad said, Dont worry about it, well, then I stopped worrying about it.

However, three years later I met Princess Leia (again, name changed). She was my sisters best friend. I liked her and I didnt need anyone singing songs about baby carriages to be convinced. She was pretty and nice and, well, I dont think my dad could have talked me out of this one. I was smitten.

For months, Aimee, Princess Leia, my friend Fonzie (yeah, Fonziewhat the heck?), and I would hang out. Our favorite place was the mall, and between the mall and youth group, Leia and I developed a friendship that would make you giggle.

Then one night our youth group had a big cookout at a farm that belonged to a church member. It was one of those magical nights with a bonfire, a hayride, caramel apples, and of course, the princess. Leia smelled nice and she laughed at my jokes and at one point we began to hold hands. It was absolutely amazing.

Late in the evening, we all went for a walk. Somewhere along the way, Aimee and Fonzie lagged behind, and suddenly I was alone with Leia. I could hear the Tiffany song in my head, I think were alone now, there doesnt seem to be any one a-rah-hound... I was holding her hand and I could barely breathe. Before I could think of anything to say or do, she kissed my cheek, then turned and ran back to the bonfire, laughing.

About four months later my family moved to the Northwest and Princess Leias family moved to Indiana. But Leia and Aimee stayed in touch, and over the years the princess and I would write each other and occasionally talk on the phone. I never forgot that kiss, and so when she came out to visit us one summer, we picked up right where we left off. At the age of seventeen, Princess Leia officially became my girlfriend, and at the age of eighteen, I left home for a job.

This job allowed me to travel through Indiana on a regular basis. As Princess Leia lived with her parents, whenever I came through I would stay at her house and we would go out on a date. Love, true love. I wrote her a beautiful song about climbing mountains and swimming oceans just to see her. Imagine that Bryan Adams song from Kevin Costners Robin Hood and you pretty much got it... It made her cry.

When I wasnt with her, I would spend hours writing her letters and dreaming about what life would be like with her in it. In fact, there were no future scenarios without her. In my mind we were married with kids, already pros at the K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

One night while I was praying, I realized that I had given an awful lot of my heart to Princess Leia and hadnt even considered asking God about it. I began to converse with God, and as I did, He pointed out that I had gone pretty far down the road of my future without including Him in any of the decisions. Then God asked me if He or Princess Leia was first in my life. When I realized that I couldnt answer this question correctly, I became depressed and frustrated.

Over the next month I agonized in my prayer life as God kept gently bringing this question back to my heart. Finally I said, OK, God, I want to put You first, but I really like Princess Leia. Whats a man to do?

I felt like God asked me to take a break. I was frustrated and yet I trusted God and His love. And so in my heart I determined that the next time I saw Leia, I would obey God and put our relationship on hold. The next time I saw her ended up being the following week.

I arrived in the afternoon and spent a few hours with her family before taking her out on a dinner date. I planned on breaking the news over dinner, but the way she looked at me got me worrying about her feelings. But I knew she loved God and I felt that she would not only understand but would also probably be quite impressed with my godliness. Still, I decided to wait and tell her after dinner. Maybe in the car, I thought.

After dinner we drove around until eventually we found a church parking lot. It was a true country churchin the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. I planned on telling her during the drive, but she was holding my hand. When we parked, I turned on the tape deckU2s I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For. I rolled down the windows and we took a blanket and sat on the hood of the car. OK, God, Ill tell her now, I thought. Then I kissed her.

And then I heard it. I kid you not. In an audible voice, God said, You are kissing another mans wife!

It was so loud and so strong that I jerked back from Princess Leia. I looked at her to see if she had heard it, but she simply looked confused; apparently she hadnt heard anything. But I had. I was so shaken up, not just by my failure but also by the message. Princess Leia wasnt mine. Bono cooed, I still havent found what Im looking for...

Princess Leia married a nice fella a year or two later.

That seems long ago now, in a galaxy far away. You know, Gods plans for our lives are so much grander than ours. His thoughts always surpass ours. His dreams are bigger and better than we could ask or imagine. His goodness is beyond our comprehension. I learned this firsthand a year later when, at Bible college, I met my wife-to-be, my Karen. No one is more perfect than she is. And God knew this! He saw my future and said, It is good! On top of all of that, I get to kiss her! We have three perfect kids with really cool names, and thats better than any man could hope for. As Bono says, Even better than the real thing.