David Chernikoff - Life, Part Two: Seven Keys to Awakening with Purpose and Joy as You Age

Reb Zalman was seventy-two years old when I met him in 1996. I had known about him for many years before we met in person. He was a much-loved and somewhat controversial spiritual teacher who embodied authentic lovingkindness, deep wisdom, and incredible chutzpah. I met him shortly after he came to Naropa University as a recipient of the World Wisdom Chair, a recently endowed position in the religious studies department. At the time I was in my mid-forties and teaching meditation and psychology in the Transpersonal Psychology graduate program at Naropa.

One of the benefits Naropa faculty members received at that time was the opportunity to take as many course credits as we taught without having to pay for the classes. When I heard that Reb Zalman was offering a course called Rituals for People Helpers, I immediately signed up. I was on a soapbox at the time in relation to how completely our society had dispensed with meaningful rites of passage and other rituals designed to mark the passing of our lives. In our zeal to create a secular, scientific worldview, I felt strongly that we had gone too far and largely lost touch with the inherent sacredness of life.

The course, held at a local Unitarian Universalist church, was very much what I was looking for, and Reb Zalman was every bit as charismatic and engaging as Id been told he would be. After the second class, I spoke to his assistant and arranged to meet with him individually. I wasnt exactly sure why I wanted to meet with Reb Zalman. Something deep beneath the surface of my awareness was operating, and I was granted only a very occasional glimpse of it before it once again disappeared like a black cat in the dead of night.

On the appointed day, I stayed after class and met with Reb Zalman in the room he was using as a temporary office at the church. He greeted me warmly as I settled into the chair across from him and began to speak. Im not really sure why I wanted to meet with you. Ive known about your teachings and your work for quite a while. I worked with two of Ram Dasss organizations at points along the way, and he spoke very highly of you. I paused at that point, unsure how to proceed. Reb Zalman held my gaze without the least sense of being in a hurry. He was completely attentive, and his presence invited me to show up in the same way.

Heres whats going on, I said, releasing the cautiousness and fear I was struggling with. My life looks really great from the outside. Im forty-six years old. I have a wonderful wife and a beautiful five-year-old daughter. I enjoy the classes I teach at Naropa and love the students. My private practice is thriving, and I often have a wait list. Im one of the guiding teachers for the Insight Meditation Community of Colorado. All of these activities represent long-held aspirations that Ive been blessed to be able to bring to fruition in my life.

I looked up, and Reb Zalman had an expression of curiosity on his face. His whole body seemed to be saying, Andwhat led you to want to see me?

The problem is, I continued, Im dying on the inside. Im too busy, carrying too much emotional responsibility, and feeling hooked on being a helper and a good guy. All of these people are coming to me with outstretched arms, both literally and figuratively. They seem to be looking for the good father, for the unconditional love they didnt experience at earlier points along the way. Its way too much for me to carry. Who am I supposed to turn to? Who is supposed to support me? I guess thats why Im here. I need a mentor. I need help myself, from someone who recognizes that I have challenges and difficulties, too. I think Im here to ask you to be a mentor to me. Someone who can teach me to live a balanced life, a life in which I care for others and also care for my family and for myself. Yes, I think thats why Im here.

Reb Zalman hadnt said a word since I began my Woody Allen-esque monologue. When I stopped, he smiled in a way that felt like sunshine emerging from behind a cloud. After a brief pause, he said, Thats perfect. You be the papa. Ill be the grandpa. Ill take you on.

I felt stunned at first, unsure of the implications of what he was saying. At the same time, the whole situation felt so completely right. I savored the moment and took in the brilliant light and warmth of his love. Clearly,