Thom S. Rainer - Becoming a Welcoming Church

Other Books by Thom S. Rainer

We Want You Here

Who Moved My Pulpit?

I Will

Autopsy of a Deceased Church

I Am a Church Member

Transformational Church*

Simple Life*

Essential Church*

Vibrant Church*

Raising Dad*

Simple Church*

The Unexpected Journey

Breakout Churches

The Unchurched Next Door

Surprising Insights from the Unchurched

Eating the Elephant (revised edition)+

High Expectations

The EveryChurch Guide to Growth+

The Bridger Generation

Effective Evangelistic Churches

The Church Growth Encyclopedia +

Experiencing Personal Revival*

Giant Awakenings

Biblical Standards for Evangelists*

Eating the Elephant

The Book of Church Growth

Evangelism in the Twenty-First Century+

*Coauthor

+Editor

Copyright 2018 by Thom S. Rainer

All Rights Reserved

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-4627-6545-4

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 254.5

Subject Heading: CHURCH \ CHURCH FELLOWSHIP \ FRIENDSHIP

All Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible and CSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 22 21 20 19 18

To

Nellie Jo

Beauty. Compassion. Creativity. Love.

Forty Years of Marriage

Blessing

Acknowledgments

I f my count is correct, this book is number twenty-seven. I used to think no one read this little section on acknowledgments in my prior books, but I was wrong. I have been amazed to hear from readers who really want to know more about those who influence me, support me, and love me.

You see, this is the part where I give credit where credit is due. These few words are the behind-the-scenes reality of how such a book comes together. This section is not only a reminder, but an acknowledgment of the work and influence of others.

Thank you, B&H team. I am totally amazed how far we have traveled together. I am totally blown away to see how you have become the premier Christian publisher in the world. Thank you to all the B&H team, with specific nods to the leadership of Jennifer Lyell and Devin Maddox.

No work comes from my voice or keyboard without Team Rainer. Many of you have come to know them from the podcasts and the ThomRainer.com blog. You remember their names: Amy Jordan, Amy Thompson, and Jonathan Howe. They are the Nashville team. But over the past year, we have added two virtual team members: Jana Biesecker and Julie Masson. I mean it. I could do no effective work without this team.

I am blessed to be a part of the ministry and organization called LifeWay. I obviously cant name all five thousand employees, but I should. They deserve it. For now, let me give thanks for the leadership and friendship of LifeWays executive leadership team: Brad Waggoner, Selma Wilson, Eric Geiger, Tim Hill, and Joe Walker. You are all incredible leaders. I can never thank you adequately for all that you do for the Kingdom, for LifeWay, and for me.

One of the greatest joys in my life and ministry is the community of readers, listeners, and subscribers to the various aspects of my platform ministry. I am so grateful for all of you, whether our contact is my books, my blog, ThomRainer.com, my podcasts, Rainer on Leadership and Revitalize and Replant, or my subscription ministry, Church Answers. You have come to learn from me, but I have learned so much more from you.

Of course, you fully expect me to acknowledge my family. If you know anything about me, you know how much I love my family. As I write these words, I am getting ready to leave for a fortieth anniversary trip with my wife and love, Nellie Jo. Please read the dedication page. She deserves it and so much more.

I love and thank God for my three sons and their wives: Sam and Erin, Art and Sarah, and Jess and Rachel. But I am really thankful for the ten Rainer grandchildren they have given Nellie Jo and me: Canon, Maggie, Nathaniel, Will, Harper, Bren, Joshua, Collins, Joel, and James.

There are a lot of quotes and interview responses in this book. The names have been changed, and some of the details are different to protect the anonymity of those who were so gracious to speak with me. But all of the events are true.

Now to you the readers of this book: thank you. I do not take for granted you are reading one of my books for the first time or the twenty-seventh time. It is my prayer that this book will be used in your churches for gospel transformation. It is my prayer it will make a difference for the glory of God.

Indeed, it is my prayer that your church will truly become a welcoming church.

Chapter 1

D o you have one of those moments in your life when you realized you were not as cool, good-looking, friendly, or smart as you thought you were? I do.

I was a college freshman, dealing with two strong emotions. On the one hand, I loved my new state of independence. On the other hand, I hated my new state of independence. And those arent contradictory statements.

I thought it was so cool to determine my own schedule, to go where I wanted to go, and do what I wanted to do. Mom and Dad were out of my daily life.

But I missed the relationships, the security, and comfort of home. I was in a new place trying to be independent, trying to figure out what to do next, and trying to make new friends.

It was that latter category where I had a wake-up call: making new friends. You see, I thought Mark and I hit it off well. We seemed to enjoy each others company. We laughed at one another, and even helped each other with our freshman classes.

So I was particularly pleased when I overheard Mark talking to his parents on the phone. He talked about how much he liked me, how we had become great friends right away, and how I was such a cool guy.

I know. I should not have been eavesdropping. But I enjoyed hearing what a great guy I was so much.

Then he said something that did not make sense. He told his parents where my home was. But it was not my home. It was not even the same state.

It hit me. Mark was talking about someone else with my same first name. His new best friend was Tom, not Thom. I was not the funny and fun guy. I was not the cool guy. I was not his new best friend.

I was devastated.

Wake-up calls can stink. Reality can hurt.

Many churches need wake-up calls. I know. I have worked with hundreds of them on site, and thousands via phone, e-mail, and videoconferences. Many church leaders and members think their churches are healthier than they really are. Many leaders and members think their churches have better ministries than they really do. And many leaders think their churches are friendlier than they really are.

Before you read further, may I ask you a few questions? Are you willing to set aside your preconceived notions about your church? Are you willing to look at your church more honestly and more clearly? Are you willing to do what it takes to be a welcoming, gospel-centered church?

If not, please close this book, and move onto something else. Dont waste your time here. This book is for those who are willing to look in the mirror. This book is for those who are willing to face reality. This book is for those who are tired of the same, tame, and lame church life represented by too many congregations.