Joyce Rogers - Grace for the Widow: A Journey through the Fog of Loss

Copyright by Joyce Rogers

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 248.86

Subject Heading: BEREVEMENT \ GRIEF \ WIDOWS - LIFE SKILLS GUIDES

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from New King James Version, copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the King James Version.

I dedicate this book to my BelovedAdrian Rogerswhom I have loved since I was but a child. He was filled with love, wisdom, courage, and integrity. I miss him greatly, but I rejoice that he can be with the One he loved so much.

Adrian invited multitudes to come to Jesus. I invite you now to come to Jesus with your burdens and sorrows. If you don't know Jesus personally, surrender your all to Him today.

I want to give thanks to all those who helped bring this book to fruition.

Thanks first of all to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Who has sustained me in my darkest hour of grief and brought me through the fog of loss. He is there for me every day and has given me hope for my tomorrows.

Thanks to Thomas Walters at B&H Publishing Group, who first was excited about my manuscript and saw a potential to reach other widows who were going through the loss of their beloved.

Thanks to Kim Stanford, my managing editor, who has guided me and helped me refine these pages to make them more presentable.

A special thanks to my family, who read my manuscript and encouraged and prayed for me during this process and who loved me and helped me through the fog of my grief. A special thanks to my son, David, who gave special attention to proofreading.

Thanks to Cathy Allen, Pat Westbrook and Pat and Charles Mason, who read my manuscript and gave valuable and insightful suggestions.

Thanks to Trent Hall for permission to use his wonderful poem, What Is It About Heaven?

Thanks for widow friends of mine, who prayed for me and inspired me in my journey through the fogfirst, my beloved sister, Doris Swaringen, then my precious friends, Mary Buckner, Elizabeth Griffin, Mary Gustafson, Kathy Sorrell, Virginia Harrison, and Vonette Bright.

To God be the glory!

This book is about a journeya journey through the fog experienced by the new widow. I have been on this journey so I can assure you that the fog will lift. The piercing ache in your heart and the flood of tears will diminish.

I don't make this promise out of the store of my own strength, but out of trust in the eternal promise of God: Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5).

I want to share some timeless truths that have guided me through this darkest night of my soul. I want to encourage you to take time to reflect on the good memories and to take time to heal from this gaping wound. It will take time and Jesus.

Jesus is the healer of broken hearts. He is mending my heart as I depend upon Him. If you hand your broken heart over to Jesus, He will mend yours also.

Life is so mundane and so daily. I want to give you some practical pointers for dealing with the round of everyday life as you journey through the fog.

I have been there. I have longed for Adrian's arms to be around me and to seek his counsel in difficult issues that have come since he passed away. I have said to myself, If only I had someone to tell me what to do next! I have cried out to God when I went to bed alone at night, Help me, help me! And He did.

I've been to the grocery store and wondered, What do I buy now? Before I always thought of what Adrian would want. I'm learning to say, Thank you for the memories!

I'm asking the question, Who am I now that Adrian is gone? I'm looking to Jesus for help today and hope for my tomorrows. I can assure you that He is more than sufficient to meet all your needs.

I've been to the grave, and I know he isn't there. I know that I should remember, but that I shouldn't linger. I'm learning to live by faith in a real worlda world in which things don't always turn out the way you wished.

I'm learning to take this journey one step at a time, leaning hard on Jesus. I'm learning to let Him fight my battles for me. Jesus is the Lord of hosts. He is my spiritual husband's name (see Isaiah 54:5).

I'm letting Him use my grief to identify with the sorrows of others and to point them through the fog. Yes, the fog will lift as it has for me. But life isn't easy. It will always be lived depending on my Guide, the Lord Jesus Christ. He is my good Shepherd. I commend Him to you. If you hold on to His hand, He will lead you through the fog.

Adrian and I had just retired after fifty-four years as pastor and wife. We were looking forward to the retirement yearsnot to retire from ministry, but to allow a younger generation to take the lead.

My husband loved pastors, and he was looking forward to spending much of his retirement time training younger pastors, and I, to train their wives.

We loved to travel and planned to spend time with one another seeing different places as we continued to serve the Lord. We also wanted to spend more time with our children and grandchildren, and the new great grandchild who was on the way.

I had been a pastor's wife since I was eighteen years old. We were married in college and served a small country church one hundred fifty miles from our college. Then I became a mother and many years later a grandmother. That's all I have ever known and all I ever wanted to be.

Barely two months after Adrian's retirement the news camecolon cancer, which had spread to the liver. Everyone was shocked. But, we had faith in our great God and knew He was able to heal. We did all we knew to do, medically and nutritionally, and turned it over to God.

My husband was a remarkable man. He never complained. He kept goingtraveling, preaching, and ministering to others.

About six months later he developed a cough, and I was concerned. The doctor sent him for an MRI. It was pneumonia. They sent him straight to the hospital.

When they put him on oxygen, I remember Adrian saying, I'm so glad to be here. Our personal physician, Dr. Mark, advised me to call our children to come to the hospital right away.

Our son, David, a missionary in Spain, immediately made the journey. Our oldest son, Steve, came from Florida; our daughter, Gayle, from Atlanta, Georgia; and our youngest daughter, Janice, came from Memphis, Tennessee. The next day they were joined by their families.