Tom Chapman - How to Listen so Men will Talk: 4 Steps to Get Men Talking About Their Mental Health

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tom Chapman is an award-winning barber, author, public speaker and international educator. He spends his time delivering talks at universities, schools and events, attending industry shows and appearing in the media, trying to reduce the stigma surrounding male mental health problems and suicide and campaigning for improved mental health facilities and suicide prevention. Tom is a global barber director and has travelled the world cutting hair onstage in front of thousands of people, from LA to Hawaii to Brazil, Australia and beyond.

In September 2015, Tom founded the Lions Barber Collective (LBC), which started as a group of international barbers raising awareness about suicide prevention and mental wellbeing. He believes that the barbers shop is a great, safe place for men to talk.

In 2017, the LBC launched BarberTalk, a training tool for hair professionals across the globe to Recognize, Ask, Listen and Help those in their chairs. From the success of this course, the LBC expanded these programmes, which are now endorsed by Habia (recognized by the UK government as a standard-setting body) and are part of their Continuing Professional Development (CPD) course. Tom has plans to turn the model into a regulated, non-industry-specific qualification that will be recognized globally.

Tom has received a Points of Light award for his outstanding volunteer work from the UK Prime Minister and received a royal endorsement when Prince William requested to meet him in 2019. He is the author of The Barber Boom (2018), BarberTalk (2019) and a childrens book, The Mighty Lions and the Big Match (2021). He lives in Torquay, UK with his wife and two boys.

Toms vision is of a world free from suicide, and to achieve this he is striving to create non-clinical, non-judgemental safe spaces where people feel comfortable to open up and speak about their mental health, and from where they can be signposted to support and information.

Connect with him on Instagram @tomchapman_hair or on Twitter at @HeresTommy.

Published in 2022 by Welbeck Balance

An imprint of Welbeck Trigger Ltd

Part of Welbeck Publishing Group

Based in London and Sydney.

www.welbeckpublishing.com

Design and layout Welbeck Trigger Ltd 2022

Text Tom Chapman 2022

Tom Chapman has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the Author of this work.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronically, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owners and the publishers.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

UK eBook ISBN 978-1-80129-066-1

US eBook ISBN 978-1-80129-094-4

Typeset by Lapiz Digital Services

Note/Disclaimer

Welbeck Balance encourages diversity and different viewpoints. However, all views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this book are the authors own and are not necessarily representative of Welbeck Publishing Group as an organization. All material in this book is set out in good faith for general guidance; Welbeck Publishing Group makes no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, with respect to the accuracy, completeness, suitability or currency of the contents of this book, and specifically disclaims, to the extent permitted by law, any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose and any injury, illness, damage, death, liability or loss incurred, directly or indirectly from the use or application of any of the information contained in this book. This book is not intended to replace expert medical or psychiatric advice. It is intended for informational purposes only and for your own personal use and guidance. It is not intended to diagnose, treat or act as a substitute for professional medical advice. The author and the publisher are not medical practitioners nor counsellors, and professional advice should be sought before embarking on any health-related programme.

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To all the grandfathers, fathers, sons, brothers and those who listen to them

FOREWORD

This excellent little book will give you the tools you need to help someone you know talk to you. It will help you encourage men to work through problems by learning to open up about their mental health something that, historically, men have struggled to do.

By following the Steps in this book, anyone can learn techniques that will encourage discussion, which is the first step toward healing issues like depression and anxiety.

I am concerned about male suicide. Although still relatively rare, you might be shocked to learn that its the most common cause of death in men under 49, and is almost twice the rate of women. And I believe we can do so much more to help men who are struggling with their mental health: it begins with a conversation.

Tom and the Lions Barber Collective have paved the way. They show that ordinary people with a little bit of training can do extraordinary things, guiding people through their mental health problems and create open conversations.

Dr Peter Aitken MBChB MRCGP FRCPSYCH DCH DRCOG FHEA

Hon Associate Professor, University of Exeter, College of Medicine and Health

Member, Steering Group, ZeroSuicide Alliance

Former Medical Director & Executive Lead for Suicide Prevention Devon Partnership NHS Trust, UK

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

Its likely youve picked up this book because youre worried about someone you know perhaps a husband, partner, friend, son or colleague. You have noticed that theyre down, struggling, anxious but they also wont (or cant) articulate it. You dont know what to say; how to start the conversation. And you dont want to make things worse, insult or embarrass them.

Mens mental health is a complex and, at times, intimidating topic. Alongside a general knowledge about mental health, youre also working against decades of ingrained ideas about what is acceptable to talk about and whats not. Youre fighting against ideas such as boys dont cry, real men dont show emotions and its weak to have a mental illness.

This book wont tell you how to diagnose a mental illness and you will not become a medical practitioner or counsellor after reading it. It is not our place to put a label on someones behaviour but the good news is, you dont need to in order to make a difference to someone who is struggling.

What this book aims to do is to enable you to have an impact on the men in your life by giving you the knowledge and tools you need to start and continue conversations in the best, most effective and helpful way. It will help you notice if someone is struggling, suffering or dealing with something, give you the words to ask them how they are, listen effectively and help signpost them to any help they may need.

You dont need to be a mental health expert to make a difference to someone who is struggling.

Whether its one particular person that has drawn you to this book or you just want to make an impact and start conversations around how men are feeling, you can be a set of eyes and ears in your community and your social circle. So many problems, if addressed early, can be solved by talking things through and offering support, potentially stopping people from experiencing depression, anxiety or other issues or even suicide.