You want it both ways, to be the sun And the clouds that smother it, the heart And the heart that breaks it, meaningless suffering And the truth That redeems it.
4
You want it both ways, to be the sun And the clouds that smother it, the heart And the heart that breaks it, meaningless suffering And the truth That redeems it.
Nice work If you can get it But you wont get it From me. You offer yourself Like an apple reddening Within my reach, dangling On the lowest branch, a generous Hermeneutical fragrance Drenching every event, trivial and tragic, In eau d significance . After all, What choice do I have? Your angels Torched the trees Of life and knowledge, Although Ive made a decent living Battening On their ashes. You too Have a taste for ashes. Of ash. Of something Burned a long time ago And still burning Somewhere close to my mouth, the smoke of you Clogging my nostrils, A cry for help Ive become too bored To notice.
You woo me with the fruit Of your intimacy, infinity thick As star-sparked honey, fine-toothed combs Of forgiveness, the barely-remembered Coo of a mother Singing me to sleep on her shoulder, My first bicycle, the welling sun-warmed Strawberry juice Of forever. You wash the dying Off my hands And stand there With an indecipherable expression As I die again. No wonder I cant stand you. No wonder I crave your presence, apple blazing In the blazing crotch Of historys burning branches.
5
Yes, its true, Ive lost The world you gave me, The blue and luminous world, Round as a marble, In which, if I squinted, I could always see you Shimmering in slow oxbows, Mirroring the rivers Mallard iridescence, sketching your face In castellated clouds And sidewalk cracks And the twitchy industry of ants Insatiable hunger to scour Your every cleft and crevice.
6
You dont want me To forgive you.
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You dont want me To forgive you.
You dread the thought That I might photosynthesize The obsidian sunlight Radiating from your skin. You cant bear What might blossom From the sickness-seeds you sowed In the soil of my flesh, Blackened shoots, like something charred By forgiveness, the forgiveness You cant bear The earth of me to bear When nothing made of earth Is made to photosynthesize The terrible spectrum of death and life You radiate from your skin. You try to turn From the shoots growing toward you From the holes you opened In the earth of this flesh That receives your touch As something that hurts And hurts too much To do anything But forgive.
7
Joy comes in the morning You say, as though you expect me To believe you. You Come in the morning, Its morning and instead of joy You come, and you expect And I expect And neither of us believes Were anywhere close To joy this morning. Even joy Doesnt believe We will ever come To expect her.
Every morning Without joy you come To tell me to expect What doesnt, mourning with me every morning As though you expect me To start believing Joy comes in the morning Because every morning, Unexpected and mourning, You come.
8
So here we are, alone at last, With only loneliness Between us, roses of loneliness choking Exhausted trellises Of limbs and metaphysics, the overpowering Fragrance of loneliness Overpowering my resistance To the slowly opening rose Of your infinitely loving Indifferenceyou call it holiness As you climb the tiny Wounded trellis Of my humanness.
9
Yes, I hear the question In your voice, your voice In the question that wrenches My stars of pain Into constellations, twins and serpents And a woman who has no face Staring in a mirror At the emptiness Between them. Yes, emptiness Is my answer to your question, A small, swept space That neither storms nor aches, a little orphaned mouth Whose lips are made of silence. Yes, I understand Your silence in the face of a woman You cannot face Because you have erased her Attempts to find some shape, Some constellation, In your glimmering syllables of pain That seem to ask her Nothing. Yes, I know that nothing Is the only voice In which you can speak without shattering, Though as you can see Something in me has already shattered, Some piece of body in my soul, some Metaphysical window That kept you out Or kept me in Or kept up the distinction Between your nearness beating Like a heart And the excruciating sky Of your absence.