Mary Paterson - The Monks and Me: How 40 Days in Thich Nhat Hanhs French Monastery Guided Me Home

Praise forThe Monks and Me

A magnificent book that eloquently juxtaposes Thich Nhat Hanh's Buddhist philosophy against modern day livinginspired, as seen through Paterson's eyes. This book is a revelation of spirituality in quotidian things, of balance and fragility in the midst of chaos, and most of all a testimony to mindfulness. It is a must read for anyone who wants simple recipes for ethical living. Paterson's exploration uncovers the bedrock for social development through personal excellence.

Sema K. Sgaier, PhD, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Alive with deep truths resounding loud and clear in the small, amazing moments of everyday life, Paterson reminds us of what's possible when we take the time to stop, look, and listen. An entertaining and juicy primer on the basic guidelines for a richer life.

Ragini Michaels, author of Unflappable

I enjoyed this book enormously. It reminded me in the most concrete terms what I already know but tend to forget: Take joy, have compassion, be patient, pay attention, let go, slow down. Wake up! Each little storymy favorite may be the one about the boy saving the antsis a reminder to us all to be kind and be present.

Margaret Hawkins, author of A Year of Cats andDogs and After Schizophrenia: The Story of My Sister'sReawakening after 30 Years

There's nothing better than a Buddhist with a sense of humor. Mary Paterson shares her vision of a joyful, committed Buddhism that can help us live gracefully in this very strange world. I feel better already.

Brian Haycock, author of Dharma Road

Through her engaging stories, Mary has brilliantly interwoven the teachings of the Buddha with real life experiences, giving this ancient Eastern wisdom present-day relevance. Full of courage, honesty, and humor, this is a deeply moving account of a sacred pilgrimage that reveals insights on how to live joyfully. With open heartedness and grace, Mary brings us along on a fascinating journey of discovery.

Xiaolan Zhao, CMD, author of Inner Beauty and Reflections of the Moon on Water

I feel like I have just returned from a 40-day retreat at Plum Village. Mary Paterson describes her experience in such a lively and loving way that it has actually become mine!

Barbara Tammes, author of The Blueprint for BuildingYour Castle in the Clouds

Copyright 2012 by Mary Paterson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Hampton Roads Publishing, Inc. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

In, out poem reprinted from The Heart of the Buddha's Teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh (1998) with permission of Parallax Press, Berkeley, California, www.parallax.org.

Cover design by www.levanfisherdesign.com/Barbara Fisher Interior by StanInfo

Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available on request

ISBN: 978-1-57174-685-6

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For my mother and father, with love

I would like to take a moment to clarify that I have written about my forty-day pilgrimage to Plum Village based solely on my own observations and reflections, as I attempted to absorb and apply the teachings of the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, within his Buddhist monastery in France. My writings are not meant to be a scholarly examination of the teachings of the Buddha or those of Thich Nhat Hanh. And, importantly, my discoveries are in no way connected to Thich Nhat Hanh's specific counsel. For comprehensive insight into the vast and intricate teachings of the Buddha, I encourage you to explore the many exemplary books written by Thich Nhat Hanh.

All the names of the people within this book, including my fellow pilgrims, have been changed. I also modified identifying details in order to preserve anonymity. The following people granted permission to appear as themselves: my brothers, David and Iain. Also, Doug is really Doug. My fellow pilgrim, Stuart the Scot, is really a Scottish man named Stuart, and I might add that the Scot was delighted to appear in this book, even without knowing what I would say about him, trusting soul. And finally, the Sisters Pine, Prune, Hanh Nghim and An Nghim have all graciously granted their permission to be included as themselves.

The affectionate name for the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh is Thy (pronounced Tie), which is Vietnamese for teacher. I regularly use his affectionate name throughout this book.

And one more thing before we start: I want to express my deep thanks to you for entering into this journey with me. I have written The Monks and Me for you.

May you take refuge within your wise self and be guided Home. And may that bring you great joy.

In the stormy ocean of life, take refuge in yourself.

THICH NHAT HANH

M y mother died many years ago. After her death, I found great healing through the Eastern teachings of yoga and meditation. But I also noticed something else. The more I practiced and applied these dynamic techniques, the more joy I felt, and the richer my experiences in the whole of my life. These masterful practices acted as a kind of life support for all my various difficulties and challenges, the ones that come with being human. But, here's the thing: even though yoga and meditation benefited me immensely, I didn't consistently apply these teachings in my life. And then my father died. And there it was. I felt I had nowhere to stand. I had lost the connection to my familiar inner Home.

Death can be a destabilizing force. And when it touches you closely, you must somehow discover a way to find and rebuild your secure Home. A forty-day pilgrimage is what I came up with. The longest meditation retreat I had ever undertaken had been ten days in length. Maybe forty days would bring me closer to the strength and love and Home I needed to reconstruct. Maybe a six-week pilgrimage with a wise monk at the helm would not only bring deeper healing from the deaths of my parents, but also serve as guidance throughout the turbulent waters of life. This ocean, as we all know, is sometimes calm and sometimes stormy. All of us need to be well-equipped for those stormy days.

In yogic science, cycles are often used to enhance life-affirming habits and advance one on the path of wisdom. A forty-day sacred journey supports the philosophy of the ancient yogis. Within many cultural and spiritual traditions, the span of forty days is recognized as a key interval in which the unfolding and recognition of truth happens. Christ prayed and fasted for forty days in the desert to prepare for and understand his purpose; so did the prophet Muhammad in a cave. Moses was transformed by this time on Mount Sinai. In the forty-day Christian season of Lent, followers give up a pleasure or vice. And the Buddha enjoyed the peace of enlightenment under the Boddhi tree for a period just exceeding forty days.

I was forty years old when my father died. Knowing that a forty-day spiritual practice has the power to be incredibly transformative, entering into this forty-day journey of renewal at this time would be to honor synchronicity. So, under a cold November sky, with the mystical number forty by my side, I crossed an ocean and set off for my pilgrimage. For six weeks I lived essentially as a nun, alongside the Sisters and Brothers of Plum Village, in their beloved Buddhist community in the Aquitaine countryside of France. During their monastic winter retreat, under the tutelage of world-renowned Vietnamese Zen master, author, peace and human rights activist, and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Thich Nhat Hanh, I meditated, gardened, walked, reflected on life, communed with pilgrims from all over the world, and looked my various demons straight in the eye as I listened intently to a wise eighty-four-year-old monk talk about the sacred and ancient teachings of the Buddha.