David B. Ostler - Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question, 2nd ed.

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Ministering to Those Who Question

David B. Ostler

Greg Kofford Books
Salt Lake City, 2019

Copyright 2019 David B. Ostler

Cover design copyright 2019 Greg Kofford Books, Inc.

Cover design by Loyd Isao Ericson

Published in the USA.

All rights reserved. No part of this volume may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher, Greg Kofford Books. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of Greg Kofford Books.

ISBN 978-1-58958-726-7 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-58958-719-9 (hardcover)

For additional resources visit http://www.bridgeslds.com

Greg Kofford Books

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Library of Congress Control Number:2019944874

As I look back on my years of Church service, I realize that there are many who unnecessarily suffered because I didnt know how to effectively minister. I didnt know how to comfort them in their challenges, I didnt know how to mourn with them. To them, I offer this book, asking for their forgiveness. And since I am still learning, I ask for forgiveness of the mistakes of effort and understanding that I will yet make.

Introduction

Bridges

This book is about usnot about us and them. We are unified as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, even though sometimes we may have differing kinds of faith. For some of us, our belief feels easy and complete. We believe all the principles taught in Church settings, have a strong testimony, and find deep meaning in Church teachings and doctrines. Others of us lack certainty but have confidence and hope in the gospel. And for some of us, our faith has changed, and we no longer believe as we once didor even at all. Despite these differences, we are all Saints trying our best to find happiness and meaning in our lives and to be accepted and serve and love those around us.

I wrote this book primarily for those of us who believe, so we can better understand those of us who struggle to believe and those who struggle to maintain belief. A gap in understanding often separates believers and those classified as nonbelievers or doubters. When that gap is wide, it is more difficult to minister, show compassion, or mourn with those who mourn. As a result, those of us who dont believe as we once did suffer, experiencing loneliness and a sense of not belonging. But understanding why some of us have lost our faith helps to create a bridge and allows us to reach and minister to our brothers and sisters.

I have a strong testimony of our Heavenly Parents and our Savior Jesus Christ. From a young age I knew that they cared about me and knew who I was and what was in my heart. The gospel of Jesus Christ has been a natural part of my life. I try and base my life on the principles taught by the Savior, and although I have made my mistakes, I have peace knowing that the Saviors Atonement makes it possible for me to change and provides healing for those parts of me that are broken and sick.

I have family and friends who no longer believe in the doctrines that I hold dear. It hurts. I love them and want them to value what I believe and hope to be true. Because of these feelings, I have tried to understand why they no longer believe. I have asked them, listened to their reasons, studied social science, read religious history, and studied scripture and the words of our current Church leaders. I have conducted surveys of members, leaders, and those who no longer believe. I have read articles, books, and other material by Latter-day Saint writers, including Patrick Mason, Terryl and Fiona Givens, Adam Miller, Bruce and Marie Hafen, and others. the works Ive read are directed to those who are currently experiencing a crisis of faith. This book, on the other hand, is for those who in one way or another strive to minister to those who are struggling with belief.

In this book, I use the term faith crisis to describe the state of dissonance and distress that some may experience regarding their belief in the Church and its teachings due to some sort of traumatic church eventincluding discovering new information about the Church that conflicts with their own understandings, disagreeing with a Church policy or doctrine, or having a difficult encounter with a Church leader. The usual result of such a crisis is the loss of faith in some or all of the foundational truth claims of the Church. Often the person who experiences a faith crisis was a fully believing member, a temple recommend holder, a returned missionary. They are thrown into disarray, completely unsure what they believe.

In the course of writing this book, I talked with a bishop who encountered the effects of a faith crisis during his first year of conducting tithing settlement interviews. Meeting with a stalwart couple, he thanked them for their service. In response, the couple awkwardly said, Bishop, we have decided to leave the Church. The bishop was shocked. He had no idea that they had been struggling with their belief; it was a faith crisis that had triggered their decision. They, their children, and all their future descendants were now alienated from the Church. Their decision to leave may have caused those they served or served with to also question the Church.

I began studying the root causes of why people no longer believe while I was serving in a calling in our stake. Working under the direction of our stake presidency, my wife and I served for eighteen months as Church service missionaries. Our calling was to work with the almost one thousand singles in our stake. (This assignment excluded those in the local single wards, since they were in other stakes.) About 80 percent of our stakes singles were not attending church. We sent a letter to each of the nonattending singles, asking them to tell us why they no longer participated. They could complete an anonymous online survey, call us, or send us text or email messages. We told them we wouldnt preach to them; we just wanted to listen and to better understand why they no longer attend. Although the response rate was low, we learned that many felt that Church leaders didnt understand their concerns and situations. Combined with external research, we brought this information back to stake and ward leadership to help them in their ministering efforts. We realized that there are few resources available to local leaders to systematically understand Latter-day Saint disaffiliation, nonattendance, and loss of belief.

To where I could lead discussions on aspects of Latter-day Saint faith. I also interviewed about forty members and local leaders about faith crises and their experiences. I use many of their stories and comments in this book. Through all this research, I came to four major conclusions:

1. Ward and stake leaders could better understand members experiencing a faith crisis. Leaders frequently lack insight into both the issues leading to faith challenges and the pain, loss, and isolation these faith challenges can produce. This lack of understanding makes it more difficult for leaders to help members who are struggling to believe.
2. Ward and stake leaders recognize the need to address faith challenges but say they would value training on how to address them. They often have no tools or training to minister to those with faith challenges.
3. Because we as members and local leaders frequently dont understand these challenges, Church members experiencing a crisis of faith are largely unwilling to share their concerns and often appear to their families, ward members, and ward leaders to be completely believing. This can make it difficult to recognize how common faith challenges are among members.