Tony Campolo - Why I Left, Why I Stayed: Conversations Between an Evangelical Father and His Agnostic Son on Christianity

I AM HONORED THAT MY husband and our son asked me to contribute to this book, but I wish there was no need for it. The story of how Bart came to lose his faith and how this change affected both his life and his fathers contains much pain and many misunderstandings. I have lived in the midst of that pain and misunderstanding, loving both men with all my heart and finding much to admire in each of them.

I never could have predicted this turn of events. When Bart was a little boy, he was such a kind, considerate, and caring child that I often wondered if he was a Christian from birth, even though I knew that wasnt possible. Still, he wasnt very churchy until he became a teenager and joined the large and dynamic youth group at a nearby church. Suddenly he was going to Bible studies and prayer meetings many times each week. One day he asked if I had noticed any changes in his behavior. As I said, Bart was always a good kid, but when he asked me that question, I realized he had been extra good of late, carefully noticing when I needed help or a word of encouragement. Thats what I told him too. Good, he said firmly. Because Im a Christian now, and I would hate it if that didnt make a difference.

I didnt know Tony as a little boy, but being a Christian was certainly making a difference in his life when we met in college. I was dazzled by my husband before I married him. Truth is, I still am. Tony has always been on fire for Jesus, and even as a young man, he was a brilliant speaker who used his gifts to tell other people about the Jesus in whom he believed. As the years went by, it became also a very important part of Tonys preaching and teaching to tell people about the Kingdom of God and how all of us were called to join God in changing this world into what God intended it to be.

I confess that I often hoped Tony had enough faith for both of us, because a great deal of the time I was not sure if I was a Christian or not. I didnt feel the things Tony and many of our friends said they felt, nor did I ever hear God speaking to me. Sometimes, however, the whole story of Gods grace seemed quite wonderful to me, and as I fell in love with Tony Campolo, I told myself I was a believer. Yet, if I am honest, I know I literally wished some of those believing times into my life because I knew that only a Christian could be Tonys wife.

After we married, and Tony learned more about my doubts, he gave me some very good advice. If I lived the way I thought a Christian would live, he told me, God would surely meet me there. So I tried my best to be a good pastors wife, truly caring for our congregation, and especially finding meaning in visiting the elderly ladies who could no longer get out to church.

Tony was right. God did meet mein the hospital room of a dear older lady I had come to love. Helen was frightened because she knew she was dying, and in my desperation to help her, I asked God to help me. The Holy Spirit came into that room and guided me to help my friend know Gods grace and be assured of heaven. Jesus Christ has been real to me ever since that day. What I deeply regret is that that day came far too late for my children to have been raised by a truly authentic Christian mother. My son was nineteen and off at college when Jesus became a real part of my life.

Even as a doubter, I was always thankful when Tony took Bart along with him on ministry trips, and as parents we were delighted to see our son develop many of the same gifts his father had when it came to speaking in front of a congregation. Bart learned from his father about helping people to know who Jesus was, and it seemed to follow quite naturally that Bart began to do the very same kind of ministry. Of course, our son had his own set of gifts too. Bart was a great preacher from an early age, but he also cared very much about individuals who were hurting and instinctively knew how to relate to people who were poor or on the margins of society.

Tony and I were thrilled when Bart married a wonderful woman who shared his love and concern for people who needed it. I cannot count the many vulnerable people Bart and Marty invited to live in their home and to whom they gave hours and hours of loving care. They changed the lives of manysome of them folks I admit I would have had a very hard time inviting to live in my home.

Unlike Tony, who explains in this book how he saw Barts faith ebb away over a period of time, I was completely shocked when Bart told us that he no longer believed in God. After all, God is love, and I still saw my son loving people as well or better than anyone I had ever known. I was deeply saddened as our conversations made it clear to me that in Barts mind, God had no part in his ministry or in the rest of his life.

What convinces me of how serious Bart is about not believing in God is the fact that admitting it has made his life almost impossibly difficult. All of the places where he had worked, spoken, and run conferences were Christian places. He is no longer able to lead or work at any of them. Practically speaking, at just over fifty years of age, my son finds himself having to start his professional life all over again.

Of course, since his deconversion has become public, Bart has come under criticism from many Christians, which makes me angry. What exactly would these folks have him do? Would they like him to live a lie for the rest of his life, or at least until his parents are dead and gone? Well, Tony and I certainly wouldnt want that. There would be no way that we could share our hearts and our own deeply felt beliefs with Bart if he were less than honest with us. I am proud of Bart for being an authentic secular humanist when pretending to still be a Christian would have been a whole lot easier.

If not for Barts honesty, this book would not exist. Nor would it exist unless Tony wanted more than anything to keep his close relationship with the son he loves unconditionally.

If you are wondering why I am not consumed with fears for Bart, or why I still find so much about my son to celebrate, it is because I believe with all my heart that the God I know in Jesus Christ is still very involved in Barts life, just as God was part of my life a long time before I fully realized it. For me, that is true, even if it does not feel true for Bart right now.