Guus Kuijer - The Bible for Unbelievers: The Beginning: Genesis

Copyright 2012 by Guus Kuijer, Amsterdam, AthenaeumPolak & Van
Gennep
Translation Copyright 2016 by Laura Watkinson

First English-language edition April 2016.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the
prior written permission of the publisher.

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Book design by Jon Gilbert

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Kuijer, Guus, 1942author. | Watkinson, Laura, tranlator.
Title: The Bible for unbelievers : the beginning : Genesis / by Guus Kuijer ;
translated by Laura Watkinson.
Other titles: Bijel voor ongelovigen. English
Description: Regular Edition. | New York : Seven Stories Press, 2016.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015046819 | ISBN 9781609806767 (hardcover)
ISBN 9781609806774 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Bible. Genesis--Paraphrases, English
Classification: LCC BS1235.7.K85 2016 | DDC 222/.1109505--dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015046819

Printed in the United States

987654321

It began with a word. It was a word that came into my head and didnt belong anywhere. And the word was:

GOD

It was an insubstantial little word, but it appealed to me. It radiated power, but meant nothing and had nothing to do. I thought: This is how everything began. When there was nothing, there was a word that was very powerful, meant nothing, and had nothing to do.

So I gave the word eyes, ears, hands, and feet.

Then, when God could look around, he thought: I cant see anything. Whats the point of looking when theres nothing here?

God was all alone in the void.

Thats just the way it is, he said with a sigh. Theres nothing here. Ill just have to make something out of it.

No sooner had the words left his mouth than something happened, and God stared in amazement at his left hand.

Hey! he said. Theres something here.

In his hand was a small ball. God stared hard because he had something to look at now. Have I created something out of nothing? he wondered. How is that possible?

God pondered for a hundred years, and then said, It doesnt matter how its possible. But what can I do with it? Thats a better question. What would happen if I threw this ball?

He looked at the ball and said, I am... curious!

Gods heart tingled with excitement. Im going to do whatever occurs to me, he thought, because thatll be fun.

He counted to three and, whee!, the ball flew into the void and burst apart with an earsplitting bang. BANG!!

God was startled. Good heavens! he exclaimed. What a big bang!

There was such awesome power packed into the little ball that bits and pieces went flying in every direction. God hadnt expected that.

This is going to be really big, he thought. Any moment now somethings going to happen thatll swallow me right up.

The bits and pieces flew farther and farther apart, creating space.

God had never lived anywhere before, but he was living somewhere now. And it was such a mess. Everything blew apart, crashed and smashed. The sparks flew. It was chaos.

Thats what you get for being curious, thought God. But fine, whats done is done.

God thought he had made the little ball explode, but perhaps it would have happened without himwho can say?

One things for certain, though: God wasnt bored anymore, because everything was so out of hand now. I think this chaos needs some order, he thought. Its tiring me out.

God hoped there was some kind of plan for getting everything in order, but it was such a huge mess that it seemed impossible.

Please let the beginning begin, he thought. He waited patiently for a million years, but still the beginning had not begun.

Its not going to begin by itself, he thought. So maybe I need to do something about it. But what? God racked his brains and felt horribly powerless. What could just one god do about so much clutter? Why was he all alone?

Everything I can see came out of that ball, he mused. But where did I come from?

He didnt know. And where were the other gods?

So many questions.

When God realized worrying wasnt helping, he started to think. When exactly had the ball in his hand come into existence? Wasnt it after hed said something?

The word! God cried in delight. The power is in the word!

It was as if he suddenly understood everything. He even understood what he was. I am a word. An almighty word, a word like an explosion!

Its good to know what you are! Now God was sure he existed.

In the beginning was a word, he thought. And that word was me. So the beginning began long ago.

He realized he could have come to that conclusion earlier and was astounded by his slowness.

One word leads to another. Which word shall I utter now?

He looked around. Hed already noticed a million years ago that the light and the darkness were horribly mixed up together. It wasnt light and it wasnt dark. Everything was wrapped in a kind of haze.

I made it all too gray, thought God. This is going to ruin my eyesight. So what am I going to do about it?

For a few thousand years he searched for the right words, then said, Let there be light. And there was light.

God saw that it was good, because now he could see everything so much better. He saw an incredible number of stars that were in fact moons. Planets, mumbled God, then the moons began to circle little orbs. So those were the planets.

Not bad. Not bad at all, said God. This is a pretty fine creation.

Did I make this or is it all just nature? He thought about it for a few million years and came to a bold decision. You know what? he said. Im just going to say that I made it. And if anyone knows better, they can say so.

A million years are as one day for God, and he found that two days had gone by.

The third day began.

God looked at all those moons spinning around the planets and thought: The stars are too hot, but I should take a closer look at these planets. Maybe Ill find a place where I feel at home.

He took his time, so the day lasted a million years.

Most of the planets were as dry as dust and as cold as the moon, but he discovered a planet that was blue with water.

That looks like a nice spot, thought God, because where theres water, theres...

He didnt get any further because he had no idea what he wanted to say. I dont have any words for this yet, he thought, but I can feel deep down that water is good for something.

When he came closer, he saw the water was full of mud. That was a bit disappointing, because there was nowhere to stand. Fortunately he knew the word spirit, so he could hover like a spirit over the mud.

The water needs to be separated from the mud, he thought, then therell be land on one side and sea on the other. Itll be possible to walk on the land and swim in the sea. When thats done, Ill call this planet earth, because its a good place to take root.

Volcanoes started exploding everywhere. High mountains formed, and deep valleys. The water flowed into the deepest valleys and the land dried out.