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New York, NY 10020
Copyright 2001 by Yasmin Davidds-Garrido
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.
For information address Atria Books, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Davidds-Garrido, Yasmin.
Take back your power : how to reclaim it, keep it, and use it to get what you deserve / Yasmin Davidds.1st Atria Books trade pbk. ed.
p. cm.
1. Hispanic American womenLife skills guides. 2. Hispanic American womenSocial conditions. 3. Hispanic American womenPsychology. 4. Conduct of life. 5. Control (Psychology) 6. Power (Philosophy) 7. Sex roleUnited States. 8. Sex (Psychology) 9. Man-woman relationshipUnited States. 10. FamilyUnited States. I. Title.
E184.S75D355 2006
305.48868073dc22 2006045868
ISBN-13: 978-1-4165-2314-7
ISBN-10: 1-4165-2314-6
ATRIA BOOKS is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Grateful thanks to the following:
Steven Carter and Julia Sokol for granting us permission to use excerpts from their book Men Love Women Who Love Themselves (New York: Dell Publishing, 1996).
Claudia Colindres and Third Woman Press for permission to print an excerpt from the book The Sexuality of Latinas (Berkeley: Third Woman Press, 1989).
Visit us on the World Wide Web:
http://www.SimonSays.com
To the Powerful Women in My Family
My loving Mami, for your unconditional lovemy beautiful sister, Judy, for your constant source of strength and supportmy soul sister, Karina, for your protection up above the cloudsmy beloved daughter, Divina, for your love that is so pure and preciousand my adoring niece, Isabella, whose presence in this world has brought new meaning to life
To My Sisters in Spirit
Yvonne Lucas, Alexandria Olmos, Carrie Lopez, Nancy Landa, Ruth Livier, Sylvia Martinez, Michelle Dulong, and Xitlalt Herrera, whose constant source of love has given me unlimited strength and undeniable courage
and
To the One Man Who Has to Put Up with Us All
My brother-in-law, Michael Wright, for your devotion and protection
I love you with all my heart!
Empowerment
- The act of investing oneself with power
- The process of enabling or permitting oneself the right to succeed
- The ability to be in control of ones own destiny
- The strength to make the most of ones potential
- The determination to define life by ones own terms
Why This Book
Who needs another female self-empowerment book? Consider the following:
If in your need for approval and what you consider to be love you allow disrespect in your life, you are giving your power away.
If you are not standing in your truth, you are giving your power away.
If you allow someone to speak to you in a derogatory or degrading way, you are giving your power away.
If you dont speak up when you know you should, you are giving your power away.
If you lower your standards in order to be accepted or liked, you are giving your power away.
If you are not your authentic self, you are giving your power away.
If you stay in situations you know are not good for you, you are giving your power away.
If you say yes when you want to say no, you are giving your power away.
If you agree with people you know are wrong, you are giving your power away.
If you stay silent when you know you should speak up, you are giving your power away.
If whatever you are made to feel ashamed of is what you really are, you are giving your power away.
If you allow negative influences to invade your mind and sap your energy, you are giving your power away.
If you do something you dont really believe in, you are giving your power away.
If you live life on lifes terms instead of your own terms, you are giving your power away.
If any of the above rings a bell deep inside your head, this book is for you.
I dedicate this book to every woman who has ever felt sad, frustrated, alone, scared, unsatisfied, compromised, or depleted. I know how it feelsIve been there, too. But I also know how it feels to be completely satisfied, self-aware, respected, confident, and powerful because I learned some very profound truths along the way. Think about it. Who are you really living your life for? What forces are influencing your decisions? How did you come to be the woman you are today? If your answers dont lead straight back to you, if you are living someone elses version of your life, the truths I share in this book are invaluable to you.
This book is about your inherent powerthat internal flame youve either fed or stifled for most of your life. Your power is your life force, and you must learn about it and honor it if you want to be a whole woman. Do you remember the essence that sparked your dreams and imagination when you were a child? The natural instinct you took for granted that quelled your fears and gave you the confidence to express the real you? By rediscovering that spark, and then maintaining the fire that grows from it, you can reclaim your power and live life on your terms. There is no reason your desires and goals should ever be beyond your grasp, because, ultimately, you hold the key to your future. You can choose either to fuel your fire or to allow others to diminish the flame to a flicker, perpetuating everything thats holding you back.
If you want to control your own life, you must learn to make your own decisions. If you want the ability to bring your purpose to the world, your first commitment must be to reclaim and protect your life force, which is your power. Women who own their power are beautiful losers in the sense that they have lost all fear of shame, embarrassment, and criticism. They have lost all unnecessary inhibitions and concern for what other people might think, and they take risks they have weighed carefully because they have no choice but to honor their inner voice.
Its every womans dream to find success and happiness. I am here to tell you that all things are possibleeven if you are on the verge of giving up. Women who have made successful changes in their lives have had to fight. I know from experience. And by studying the lives, mind-sets, and habits of empowered women, I learned just how similar we all are. Every woman has a unique story, though weve often been taught to keep our thoughts and opinions private. If you can break free from negative cultural messages and see yourself in a new light, you can be unstoppable. When you analyze your past and the influences that affected your development, you can learn to break patterns that are holding you back from realizing your true potential. There is a diamond in the rough that lies deep in your soulteach it to sparkle like the precious gem it is. Once you recognize the impact your subconscious mind has, you can use your own powerin the form of intuition, faith, courage, and self-respectto become the writer and director of your own life story. When we are given the opportunity to learn about ourselves, we turn the power on, we realize our dreams, and we pass our successes to future generations.
To all women whose hearts are aching for courage and inspiration:
We need to begin sharing our pains, joys, and challenges with one other. We need to stop feeling ashamed of our experiences, no matter how awful they may seem, and we must stop judging. We need to work to discover how to command respectfrom our families and spouses, from our communities and colleagues. Its only by talking, by considering, by opening our eyes, hearts, and minds that we can control our own destinies. But like everything in life, this is a decision that you have to make. Be prepared to take a journey of self-discovery and self-love, and know that ultimately, you, too, can create your own self-fulfilling prophecies. Adelante mujer! You go, girl!