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Koshin Paley Ellison - Untangled

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Untangled: summary, description and annotation

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Though we are seemingly more connected to our world than ever before, many of us cannot ignore a nagging sense of loneliness and isolation. To keep this anxiety and discontentment at bay, we can search for connection through unhealthy distractions, believing these will bring us true nourishment. And yet, loneliness is on the rise, exacting detrimental effects on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing. Even those of us who have succeeded in the ways that society applauds, often feel unanchored, disengaged, and purposeless. If true pleasure is what we desire, how do we look past the surface, to discover a life filled with meaningful connection and genuine relationships?Untangled is a welcoming guidebook to finding expansive ease and true joy through what is traditionally called the eightfold path, one of Buddhisms foundational teachings. Psychotherapist and Zen teacher Koshin Paley Ellison compassionately walks readers down these eight roads, leading them on a path of transformation and to experience true joy. Combining teachings from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, Paley Ellison equips readers with the tools needed to untangle our tangles and make profound change, inside and out. Infused with Paley Ellisons own anecdotes of his life as a young gay kid facing abuse and discrimination, this approachable guide will help you transform your ever day interactions, your most intimate relationships and offers a path for social healing. It is an ancient cure thats up to the challenge of healing the modern dysfunction of our times.

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Copyright 2022 by Koshin Paley Ellison Cover copyright 2022 by Hachette Book - photo 1

Copyright 2022 by Koshin Paley Ellison

Cover copyright 2022 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.

Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.

Balance

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First Edition: November 2022

Balance is an imprint of Grand Central Publishing. The Balance name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Paley Ellison, Koshin, author.

Title: Untangled : walking the eightfold path to clarity, courage, and compassion / by Koshin Paley Ellison.

Description: New York : Balance, 2022.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022019633 | ISBN 9781538708309 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781538708323 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Eightfold Path. | BuddhismDoctrines.

Classification: LCC BQ4320 .P35 2022 | DDC 294.3/42dc23/eng/20220609

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022019633

ISBNs: 978-1-5387-0830-9 (hardcover), 978-1-5387-0832-3 (ebook)

E3-20220906-JV-NF-ORI

Praise for
Untangled

With tender, searing honesty, Koshin Paley Ellison shows us how to find peace and inner freedom right in the heart of our struggles and pain. The writing is heartfelt and charming, theres a fresh retelling of the Buddhas wisdom, and each page shines with insightful suggestions for a life that is brave, honest, and filled with love. Ive never read a more compelling, liberating book.

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Buddhas Brain, Hardwiring Happiness, Resilient, and Making Great Relationships

Untangled is a love letter to the broken-hearted. It is a balm for what ails us. Koshin Paley Ellison writes with the wit, wisdom, and loving embrace of one who has walked the path of heartache and loss and discovered the comfort of our shared humanity embedded in that experience. Each of us can be nourished by his words; each of us needs to be untangled so that we may live well and love each other. This is the book the world needs now.

Jerry Colonna, author of Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up.

In Koshin Paley Ellisons wonderful book Untangled, he places the classical framework of the Buddhas Noble Eightfold Path in the context and complexity of our daily lives. The clarity of his open heart and deep wisdom shine on every page.

Joseph Goldstein, author of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening

This wonderful, thoroughly contemporary, totally engaging presentation of Buddhist wisdom uses sources as diverse as the Buddha and Dogen and Cinderella and Einstein and Star Wars and the authors grandmother, echoing the instruction that the Buddha gave to monks whom he had trained as they left his community to become teachers themselves: Teach the holy Dharma in the idiom of the people. Koshin has done that! And I love it! It is a pleasure to read.

Sylvia Boorstein, author of Happiness Is an Inside Job

What!?? An approachable Zen Master? Whos willing to be vulnerable and is comfortable with hugs and tears? In Untangled, Koshin Paley Ellison reveals just such a Zen Master. In effortless prose full of personal stories and simple exercises, he offers a way for anyone who is willing to practice the Buddhas path of healing and transformation.

Norman Fischer, Zen priest and author of When You Greet Me I Bow: Notes and Reflections from a Life in Zen

Koshin Paley Ellison pays as much attention to inner practice as he does outer life. Here is a guide who approaches you with respect. Here is a friend on the page.

Padraig OTauma, author of Poetry Unbound

Personal, practical, intimate, and illuminating. Untangled is filled with vivid stories that give the practitioner much to think about and even more to feel.

Laurie Anderson, avant-garde artist, composer, musician, and film director

Sadly, many of us get tangled by the reality of everyday life, which for many results in suffering. In this wonderful book, we are given the opportunity to get untangled, allowing for greater clarity and insight to not only understand the meaning of being present but, ultimately, our purpose in life.

James R. Doty, M.D., founder and director of the Stanford University Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE)

Koshins book Untangled guides us to find peace using Buddhist teachings. Koshin is a role model for Buddhist monks.

Kodo Nishimura, makeup artist, Buddhist monk, and LGBTQ activist

Koshin Paley Ellison engages us from a life of hard-earned wisdom, showing us a way out of our countless tangles toward a path to freedom.

Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

For my uncle Victor Honigmann, who was the first person I heard speak openly of terror and trauma as the gate to walk through toward healing and love.

The inner tangle and the outer tangle

This generation is entangled in a tangle.

And so I ask of Gotama this question:

Who succeeds in disentangling this tangle?

SAMYUTTA NIKAYA

Truly, is anything missing now?

HAKUIN EKAKU ZENJI (16861769)

BEFORE YOUR JOURNEY IS THERE A BEFORE Caminante no hay camino se hace - photo 2
BEFORE YOUR JOURNEY
(IS THERE A BEFORE?)

Caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al ander. (Traveler, there is no path to follow, you make your own way as you walk.)

ANTONIO MACHADO

W hen I was eight years old, I told my mother that I wanted to grow up to be a Zen Buddhist monk. Today I am a Zen monk dedicated to serving my Zen students and training people in contemplative approaches to care and medicine. All the time I work with dying people, and only a few of them know they are dying. I am also a sensual person. I have always loved to feel the warmth of the sun on my arm, run my fingers through the grass, or notice the light flickering through the autumn leaves. As a child, I loved to watch the beauty of the clouds moving over the treetops. As a poet friend of mine likes to say, I was ravaged by beauty. It shook me up.

I enjoyed these pleasures of the body, yet my experience of the body was also indelibly marked by growing up in a home that held violence and fear: an unstable, unpredictable home. I was raised by loving, ethically idealistic people with, at times, a huge gap between that and how they actually functioned in the world. At a very young age I learned that my body could end. One of the people who lived in my house would often go into rages. You could hear their voice rising, but the scariest sound was the knife drawer opening and the screaming after that, without knowing exactly what was going on from where I was curled up inside the locked upstairs bathroom. I wish I could tell you more details of what happened. I can tell you my body was on high alert. I felt the lack of safety and was keenly aware that this bodymy bodywas in danger.

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