Colby Ross - Through a New Lens

Introduction

So where should I start? My name is Colby Ross. For six years I watched my life turn to ruins in a matter of days. Its amazing how you can go from the top to the bottom in the blink of an eye. Dont worry; this isnt a sob story or personal narrative. In fact, you will find very little about the trials I have faced. I do this for a reason: I did not want this book to be about me. Countless self-narratives talk about what people went through and how they conquered their problems. Although these are inspiring, they also take away from the difficulties we face as individuals.

Humans naturally compare themselves to others in every aspect of their lives. We read stories about great suffering but belittle our own difficulties. It doesnt matter whether you are rich, poor, healthy, sick, strong, or weak; everyone has their own fight. The only thing that varies is the lens through which we see it. In this book, you will read about questions you may have asked yourself but were scared to acknowledge. Maybe you felt guilty, or maybe you have been led to believe many of the lies society has taught you. You will find passages in this book that are angry, sad, frustrating, joyful, hopeful, and motivational. But please dont think this is a self-help book. You will learn that I have very little respect for people in the business of motivational speaking, life coaching, or preaching. Yes, I hold beliefs, values, and opinions, but I also understand that people believe in things that are different from what I believe. I used to try to convince people to believe what I did, but I gave up when I realized that life isnt black and white but rather shades of gray. Everything is up to interpretation and question. Those who dont question are sheep following the herd, but it is the wolves we must reckon with. I have been at the top as well as the bottom. I have been strong but also weakphysically, mentally, and spiritually. I have traveled the world, learning much about culture and coming to realize that the United States does not constitute the entire world. Its a country that at its very core is flawed. We are in a rat race, trying to get to a destination that does not exist.

I consider this book an instruction manual on how to take a different approach to lifes challenges. I address a variety of topics, some of which you can relate to and others that may just make you question. You may agree with what I write, or you may think I am crazy. But remember, this is merely the lens through which I see the world. I believe less is more, which is why every topic is addressed in a thousand words or less. I believe that if you cant get to the point in a thousand words, then its not worth talking about. Simplicity is harder than complexity. Anyone can use fancy words and useless information to fill a page. But it takes a true teacher to break down complex ideas in a way that anyone of any age could understand. I am by no means a writer. My grammar isnt great, and trust me, I made my editor earn every dollar correcting my spelling. But I want you to take the core principles and ideas I share and make them your own. If you lose interest in one of the essays, then dont bother reading that section; just skip to the next one. Why waste your time on something that doesnt strike a chord from within?

I ask just one thing, and that is for you to keep an open mind. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I will never be some great philosopher or self-help guru, but I can teach you to be strong physically, spiritually, and mentally. Sometimes the key to your prison is right in front of you; you just dont know how to work the lock. Let me show you how.

We Cant Blame Others if They Dont Know How We Feel

You probably can tell by now that I am not a big fan of people who beat around the bush. In my past, I worked for many companies where I met all sorts of people. One thing I cant seem to wrap my head around is why people let shit bottle up inside them. So many people harbor emotions because they are afraid to hurt someone. They think that because they dont voice how they feel, they are protecting someone from potentially having their feelings hurt. I always have been a straight shooter. When I go on dates, I lay all my cards on the table. I dont like the games people play, and I do not tolerate passive-aggressive behavior. Many people have things that bother them, but its hard for them to express what they are feeling to someone else. This is a bigger problem than we realize. In fact, its worse than not telling them at all. What we dont see is that when we bottle up things inside ourselves, even though we may not express them verbally, we do physically. People arent stupid; they know when we are acting differently or something is upsetting us, but they cant figure out what they are doing wrong or how they can change the behavior thats upsetting us. Its funny how often I hear people blaming someone privately because they dont have it in them to speak directly to that person. In reality, we cant blame someone if they dont know how we feel. We cant sit here bitching about the way a person acts when they dont know that what they are doing bothers us. You cant expect a child to have manners if they havent been taught any, and you cant expect someone to read your mind when you are upset.

Now, every equation has two sides. Numerous times we express how we feel, and that person continues to upset us in a certain way. In that case, we can blame them. In fact, it is important that we do. We must hold them accountable. Listening is the most important part of communicating, and like anything else, it is the give-and-take that promotes healthy relationship problem solving. We cant blame another person if we internalize what is upsetting us. Eventually all pressure must be released, and the person who is upset is likely going to explode. We cant control these feelings if we let them build up to that point. Trust your relationships to be able to handle kinks, but more important, trust yourself to voice your concerns. After all, whats a relationship if you cant communicate?

Dont Forget Where You Come From

I will not lie to you and tell you that I came from humble beginnings. I did not. In fact, I came from a privileged background. When my mom got divorced from my father, my stepdad and my mother started a business that took off. We moved to Florida from a studio apartment in Chicago. From the age of five onward, I grew up with luxuries and privileges many kids would kill for. I traveled the world, went skiing every Christmas, and lived in a beautiful house on the water. But just because it looked good on the outside doesnt mean it always was. Like many people whose lives look worthy of envy, there was always more than what meets the eye. I have spoken before about my difficulties growing up emotionally. It was not easy for my mom and me; everything came at a price. Without going into too many details, the moral of the story is that I dont forget where I come from. I may have had it all outwardly, but internally I struggled for much of my childhood. For many years I resented this struggle, trying to figure out how a God of love could allow so many of us to suffer. As I matured, I learned to see life through a new lens. I learned that for us to become men and women, we must have reasons to grow into one. You dont get taller without growing pains, you dont get stronger without feeling the burn, and you dont become spiritually wiser until you face difficulties that give you reason to.

Now, we have all heard the countless motivational speeches and quotes that tell you what we go through makes us who we are. This is the only thing I actually agree with when it comes to self-help gurus. The reason I believe this is because I experienced it firsthand. As I grew up, I slowly saw the layers that folded over me to make me who I am today. Your trials have shaped you as an individual, and they are unique to who you are as a person. Many of the most successful people did not have it easy in some way or another. Whatever we become, we must never forget where we come from. We always must remember those who helped us along the way, and we must always stay humble. The minute we forget to be humble, arrogance will do it for you. Its easy for us to breathe, but we appreciate breathing only when we cant. There is no such thing as a self-made individual. Despite what you have heard, everyone needs somebody sometime. Everyone has had some sort of a mentor or guide along the way. Its important to return the favor by being a beacon of light and hope for another person. I wont pretend that I have always taken this advice. Many times I have gotten cocky when things seemed to be going right in my life, but reality always finds a way of reminding us when we are out of line. Some choose to listen, and others keep going, thinking they are invincible. Just remember that every empire in history has fallen at its peak of power. When we are flying high, we can fall even lower.