Michael Corey Barnes - Blindsided, Finding Joy Through Tragedy

Copyright 2014 by Michael Barnes All rights reserved, including the right ofreproduction in whole or part in any format. First edition published August, 2014 All production designs arethe intellectual property of the Author and his agents and are usedunder license. For information regardingbulk purchases of this book, digital purchase and specialdiscounts, please contact the Author. Manufactured in the United States ofAmerica ISBN978-1-9905630-0-6

Dedication I would like to dedicatethis journal to my son Luke and my wifeTracey. The love I have for my sonis what influenced me to write this journal. It is my chance toshare with him the journey God took me on to fall in love withChrist.

I pray that the words I have written will draw his heartcloser to God. Finally, my sweet wifeTracey has painstakingly shared in much of the writing process.With compassion and patience she has allowed me to reflect back onmy journey while bringing forward many of the wounds that willalways be a part of me. She has offered me her shoulder to cry onwhen the writing process opened wounds, and comforted me as I wentthrough the process of putting them into a story with the hope thatI could help others. She has patiently listened to my story timeand time again, guiding some of the writing with suggestions forimproved readability and clarity. The completion of thisjournal was a direct result of my love for my wife, my son, andChrist. Tracey, I love you.

May the journey we continue to sharetogether be one that draws us both into the hands and heart ofGod. Acknowledgements One of the first things Ilearned when life humbled me, was how much I needed my community offamily, friends, clients and co-workers. I have always found itdifficult to ask for help when I am struggling. My pride standstall, unwilling to give way and prevents my community of loved onesfrom serving me when I need them the most. Being a follower ofChrist, I do understand the internal blessing you feel when youhelp someone in need. It truly is an opportunity to bring glory toGod when your heart is open to serve; you feel God nudge you, youfollow the lead of the Holy Spirit, and then watch God work Hismiracles.

Sometimes its hard to tell who is blessed more, youorthe person youve helped. Understanding this, I knew when my wifeleft that I needed to allow my community of loved ones to help methrough this trial. I knew allowing them to help me was not onlyblessing me, but was also an opportunity for them to be blessed byGod. It is with the deepestgratitude that I have an opportunity to acknowledge my community ofloved ones that stood in the gap for my son and me and helped usboth manage an extremely challenging circumstance in our lives. Youhelped us move forward providing emotional, spiritual and financialsupport. I truly cannot thank you enough for the godly example youshowed to my son and to me.

Unfortunately, I do nothave enough space to thank everyone who helped me and my son, but Iwould like to thank these individuals personally for your help andsupport: my business partner Jon Black for taking a great deal ofthe burden of running our business as I adjusted to thedifficulties of the separation. My clients Tam and Norma de St.Aubin, Maureen and Meredith Barkley, and Seymour Levin for thefinancial support they provided me as I adjusted to surviving on asingle income. There is also one more couple who has requested toremain anonymous but the story of the financial assistance theyprovided me is included in this journal. Thank you for giving me anopportunity to see faith in action. I would like to thank mymother, Marti Davis for her love and emotional support as well asshowing up at my house every Monday morning at 5:30 AM so I couldcontinue to work and provide income for my son. Hatfield. Hatfield.

I am very thankful for theadvice, support, and guidance she provided me and my former wifethat helped us to minimize the initial emotional wounds of theseparation for him. She played a vital role in the healing processfor us all and I will always hold her close to my heart. My heartfelt thanks go tothese individuals for a number of different reasons: Beth Anderson,John and Ruth Harris, Art and Shelley Fadde, Gene and Linda Matinas well as my entire Divorce Care classmates, the Divorce Careprogram, my entire personal training staff at DownTown Fitness onElm, and all my clients and friends. I cant thank you enough forbeing a part of Gods plan to bring healing and reconciliation tomy heart. I think it is important tounderstand how difficult it was for me to share such a personallife experience. This was one of the most challenging parts of myjourney because I did not want to emotionally hurt my former wife.I knew that sharing our story would expose parts of our life thatcould place her in the vulnerable position of being judged.

All Ican say isit takes two for a marriage to work and two for amarriage to fail. Therefore, I would like to thank my former wifefor allowing me to share such a personal part of our life with thehope that it will point other hearts toward reconciliation and helpspare the fragile hearts of children who are often hurt byseparation and divorce. Finally, there are anumber of contributors to this journal I would like to thankpersonally for your ideas and editing during the writing process.My father Charles Barnes, John dElia, Anne Osborne, Janet WardBlack, Chris Lewis, Kathy Sohn, Don Miller, Gerard Davidson, myfather-in-law Steve Gallop, GT Freeman, Jeff Jones, my formerbrother-in-law Alex Shelton, my publishing consultant Mike Simpson,and my wonderful wife Tracey Shrouder. Your contributions havehelped an inexperienced writer share this personal journey with thehope that it will help others find and experience the healing powerand forgiveness found in Christ. THE PREFACE This forty-day journal waswritten as God took me on a journey to find myself after I had beenblindsided by the loss of my marriage. My journey began with melying on the floor crying out to God in agony, but by His mercy Iwas lifted out of the pit of despair.

God picked me up by themiracle of the Holy Spirit He put in me. As my pride fell away, Ibegan to see with clarity the wisdom of Gods love story found inmy Savior Jesus. As I surrendered to the Holy Spirit, I experiencedmy first real relationship with Jesus. The words in this journalreflect my personal journey to find and experience the love ofChrist inside me. It is my hope that my story helps bring healingand reconciliation to you. P SALM 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard mycry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; heset my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put anew song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will seeand fear the Lord and put their trust in him. I pray that the wordswritten in this journal will point your heart toward the healingpower of Jesus. I pray that out of your struggle and yoursuffering, you will find peace and experience the love of God foundin the Holy Spirit. As His love heals your wounds, I pray that youwill experience the joy and miracle of this amazing gift that livesin you.

Finally, I pray that you will see that sharing His love andforgiveness with others is part of His plan to bring the healingpower of Jesus alive and into this broken world. Part One My Story: Finding Joythrough Tragedy The Preparation What happens when someoneyou love dearly hurts you so deeply just breathingseems impossible? What happens when the pain from betrayalmakes everything inside you want to lash out in anger? Whatwords can possibly make sense when these terrible woundscause us so much pain? Why, God? Why would Youlet this happen to me? Why would You take apart something Ithought You had put together? Why do You let horrible thingshappen to people who love You? Why, God, why? Where are You inall of this, Lord? All I wanted was to be a good man and trustYou, and this is what I get in return? Why do You let this worldYou created cause so much pain and sorrow? What if the answer to allthese questions was: My child, I just want you to be closer toMe.? This forty-day journal waswritten as I struggled with those agonizing questions whenmy wife of eleven and a half years walked away from ourmarriage for a co-worker. I was wallowing in a heap of self-pity,wondering why God would allow this to happen to me. I thought Iwas a good husband, a good provider for my family, and a goodfather to my four-year-old son. This just didnt seem to makeany sense. Ten years prior to thislife-altering event, I had given my heart to Jesus and slowlystarted to give control of my life over to God.