Tolbert McCarroll - Three Gifts for Spiritual Wayfarers: Courage, Faith, Doubt

COMMENTS ON TOLBERT McCARROLLS WRITINGS

A moving spiritual journey of a man with courage and creativity which leads to new forms of spiritual life and social involvement. Hans Kng, author of Christianity: Essence and History

Brother Toby refuses to simplify the difficulty of doing good in a fallen world. He teaches us all how to look through the broken window at the stars. Paul Monette, author of On Becoming a Man

McCarrolls spirituality is grounded in the earth itself, but it soars into the infinite. Jonah Raskin, author of American Scream: Allen Ginsbergs Howl

A kindred spirit Bill Moyers, PBS

rich in honesty, insight and compassion that can make our hearts more tender, more discerning and more capacious. Parker J. Palmer, author of Let Your Life Speak

cries out against the indifference and callousness in church and society. Henri J. M. Nouwen, author of The Wounded Healer

Both tough and comforting. It challenges and assures at the same time. Mario Cuomo, former Governor of New York

clear, direct, psychologically and intellectually sound and very practical. Morton T. Kelsey, author of The Other Side of Silence

I read this book, and I found I had new hope again. Randy Shilts, author of And the Band Played On

deeply beautiful Madeleine LEngle, author of The Crosswicks Journal

A superb work by an unconventional monk that will nest in your heart and quicken your imagination forever. Cliff Edwards, author of The Shoes of Van Gogh: A Spiritual and Artistic Journey

ALSO BY TOLBERT McCARROLL

Stepping Stones: Daily Reflections by an Unconventional Monk (2016)

Seasons: Through the Year with a Contemporary Monastic Family (2010)

A Winter Walk: Transcendent Moments When the Trees are Bare (2006, 2018)

Thinking with the Heart: A Monk and Parent Explores His Spiritual Heritage (2001)

Childsong/Monksong: A Spiritual Journey in the AIDS Pandemic (1994)

Morning Glory Babies: Children Living with AIDS and the Celebration of Life (1988, 1989, 1990)

A Way of the Cross: An Ancient Path in Ordinary Life (1985)

Guiding Gods Children: A Foundation for Spiritual Growth in the Home (1983)

The Tao: The Sacred Way (Edited) (1982, 2018)

Notes from the Song of Life: A Spiritual Companion (1977, 1987, 2011)

Exploring the Inner World: A Guidebook for Growth and Renewal (1974, 1976)

THREE GIFTS for SPIRITUAL WAYFARERS: COURAGE, FAITH, DOUBT

Copyright 2018 by Tolbert McCarroll

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the author or the publisher.

First Edition

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Printed in the United States of America

Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McCarroll, Tolbert (1931- )

Three Gifts for Spiritual Wayfarers: Courage, Faith, Doubt

ISBN: 978-0-9827329-7-7

1. Spiritual. 2. Multi-Faith. 3. Personal Growth.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018962466

SOMETIME MANY CENTURIES AGO, an an old man resting under a tree in Asia and reflecting on his life had an interesting thought. his thought was that, in order to walk on a spiritual path, three things are necessary: great courage, great faith, and great doubt. he must have shared it in some way, because the idea caught on and came down through the ages in the east and the west. often the words were a little different. but the concept was and is the same. that is what this book is about or at least that is my intention.

The monk Thomas Merton (1915-1968) once wrote that all spiritual books had to be in some way autobiographical in order to be authentic. That will be true of this book as well. It is a book about me and how I see the world. It starts with my mother, Viola, a Catholic French-American. The doctors advised her that if she carried me to term it was very likely that she would lose her life. She and my Scotch-Irish father decided to give it a try and thus I entered this world thanks to two very courageous people. That was in 1931. There had been an idiotic and bloody World War followed by the Great Depression. We were poor, but so were most other people. Our landlord set our house on fire hoping to collect the insurance, not knowing we were in it. My father got us out. More courage.

I was born in southern Mississippi, which had at the time invented new forms of slavery. My parents and their families were, fortunately for me, as committed to racial equality as was safe in that place in those days. When I was in the second grade, I was taken to see an African-American school. It had a dirt floor, no electricity, no books. When I came out into the sunlight, I was told, Dont forget what you saw. I havent. Neither have I forgotten the night when the Ku Klux Klan broke into my mothers little Catholic church and vandalized it.

I often felt in those days that each child was handed a script showing them what role they were to play in life. Fortunately, I grew up among role-breakers. My mother worked in offices when few women left the home. My father invented devices which made the transporting of grain more possible and efficient on the railroad. They were exceptions. I was surrounded by people living out their roles in life until years after college.

My own existence was fairly ordinary until high school, when I felt a strong urge to live a spiritual life. The only option I knew then was the Catholic priesthood, so I attended a seminary attached to an abbey. It was a pretty miserable experience, but there were bright moments. I learned a lot about life and walking the way of Jesus of Nazareth from a Swiss lay-brother, Fidelis Schoenenberger. He took care of the pigs and I helped him on many weekends. After three years, it became obvious to the teachers and to me that life in the seminary was not a good fit. I left, and there followed marriage and a family, along with college and law school. Then came a career in a firm representing labor unions with plenty of experiences in court.

Somewhere along the line, my yearning for a spiritual path renewed itself. I was fortunate to make contact with friends of the same persuasion. After a couple of stumbles, I found myself among people with humanitarian interests, living in the San Francisco Bay Area at a very exciting time. In the late 60s and early 70s, we became rather deeply involved with Humanistic and Existential Psychology, which pushed the bounds of psychology beyond mental illness to subjects like love and improving our ability to live positive and fulfilling lives. It was just a short hop from there to find the bridge between psychology and spirituality, as well as between Eastern and Western spiritual paths.