Sarah Raymond Cunningham - Beyond the Broken Church: How to Leave Church Problems Behind Without Leaving the Church

ZONDERVAN

Beyond the Broken Church

Copyright 2006, 2014 by Sarah Raymond Cunningham

Previously published as Dear Church

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr., Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

ePub Edition March 2014: ISBN 978-0-310-33695-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cunningham, Sarah.

Dear church: letters from a disillusioned generation / Sarah Cunningham.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-310-26958-8

1. Church controversies. 2. Generation X Religious life.

3. Generation Y Religious life. I. Title.

BV652.9.C86 2006

262 dc22 2005037177

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Cover design: Kirk DouPonce/Dog Eared Design

Cover photography: iStockphoto

Interior design: Katherine Lloyd, The DESK

Printed in the United States of America

14 15 16 17 18 19 20 /DCI/ 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To all those whove been exhausted by church,

whove been worn out, gossiped about,
and run dry.

For those whove experienced oppression at her hand,
whove seen her power abused,
and shed tears in her wake.

For those inside and outside the churchs walls,
whove heaved upon her their hopes and dreams,
and who sit on the sidelines or look on from a distance,
feeling, at least at times, disappointed and abandoned.

This book is for you.

Contents

Preface:
This Is Important

Dear Readers,

This is not a book about being disillusioned. Its a book about moving beyond it.

Like many of you, I used to fiercely believe the church was the most powerful source of hope on the planet. Then I grew up, or should I say, grew up further and stumbled into that painful, expanded awareness that sometimes comes with adulthood. There I encountered a lengthy list of religious flaws and a side of the church that appeared far from hopeful.

Unfortunately, I was not the only one. So many young adults have left their pews in search of escape, or maybe in search of a better way, that we quickly have become the focus of in-depth studies on religious trends. A multigenerational group of exhausted, depleted, and often jaded former church attendees can be seen wandering in the cloudy landscape just outside the churchs doors.

Almost everyone, it seems, has a story to tell about some painful or disastrous encounter with the church. And that ache manifests itself in different ways. Some abandon the church scene to run for what they deem more gracious or authentic hills, while others quietly swallow weekly helpings of resentment from the front row or even from the stage of the church sanctuary.

However you manage your frustrations, this book is for you. Its for those of you who have walked through dark stages of disillusionment in the past, its for those of you who are disenchanted with church right this minute, and its for those of you who havent hit the hard stuff yet but are just wise enough to suspect imperfect days lie ahead.

The chapters ahead may also be a starting point for those seeking to better understand a son or daughter, family friend, or former youth group member who grew up in church only to disappear from the pews altogether. And the appendices contain extensive resources that provide insights for church and denominational leaders for those of you who have been caught off guard by the gradual exodus of the young and now worriedly wonder about the future of your graying congregations.

You are all welcome and needed to make this ongoing conversation a healthy one. I hold on to hope that together we will find the best next steps in sifting our reality, as a church who must move beyond our imperfect moments to bear hope to the world.

You, like me, have likely surrendered to the idea that as long as humankind lives in freedom, we will experience suffering. Similarly, I suspect as long as we have convictions about our faith, we will also have disillusionment. I hope, though, that as long as we have disillusionment, we will fight toward better days together.

Headed toward fullness,

Sarah

Introduction:
Read This First

Books that promise to delve into disillusionment with organized religion raise suspicion. Rightly so.

I wouldnt expect those of you who are worn down by church to eagerly believe these pages will somehow retroactively correct the injustice in your faith story or instantly soothe the wounds youve incurred. Your disillusionment is complex, layered, and shaped by your story and particular events unique to you.

A book cant penetrate all the details of your journey, nor can it single-handedly heal your religious injuries. Unfortunately, there is no simple, overnight formula for righting your journey. I can only offer the ideas and actions that eventually created breathing room for me, that pushed out the institutional walls closing in on me and gave me space to feel whole and connected again. I hope youll find that some of the things that prompted me toward well-being are not only worthwhile to my story but hold value for you as well.

To those of you serving in the church, I also understand why you may be hesitant about the title Beyond the Broken Church. You are committed to the mission of Christ and your local church, and you may feel defensive about those who take aim at the good faith work going on in your community. And rightly so.

You will find some cynicism here, and it may be hard to absorb. These honest, sometimes angst-filled, even sometimes immature feelings represent a hard and vulnerable time in my spiritual development. And while I was tempted to delete or polish some of the frustrations I voiced before they were preserved in this book, to try to present a more refined or sophisticated version of myself, Ive decided to leave most of the original tone intact.

The truth is Ive walked through some tragic church-related events. It hasnt been easy. And I sometimes vented in ways that I would later consider over the top. But the emotions of that stage were real, and allowing them to grace these pages in all their messy glory makes me a more relatable friend to those moving through disillusionment.

I hope you can see, as you read, that it is not my aim to bash the church. I could never take a stab at the church without drawing blood from my own skin, because church is a deep and sacred part of my identity.

If you read the book through to the end, I think youll actually find Im a familiar face the archetype of many cowlicked and pigtailed children who grew up performing Christmas plays or belting out songs with exaggerated motions in your Sunday school classes and sanctuaries. Consider, for example, the two excerpts from my books below. My guess is youll find pieces of yourself or those you love in my story.