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David Waywell - The Secret Lives of Monks: From Atheism to the Zombie Apocalypse

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David Waywell The Secret Lives of Monks: From Atheism to the Zombie Apocalypse
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Lo! On the second day, God said: let there be light entertainment. And thus were monks created!
A book for atheists, agnostics, and perhaps a few believers too, The Secret Lives of Monks is your chance to join the only cult that promises more fun than a deep-sea baptism.
The monks might not help you save your soul but with their mixture of philosophy, stupidity, wit and irreverence, they might just make you laugh.

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David Waywell - The Secret Lives of Monks: From Atheism to the Zombie Apocalypse
The Secret Lives of Monks: From Atheism to the Zombie Apocalypse
David Waywell
The Secret Lives of Monks: From Atheism to the Zombie Apocalypse

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THE VITRUVIAN MONK TO CREATORS EVERYWHERE BUT PARTICULARLY THE VOICES THAT - photo 1THE VITRUVIAN MONK TO CREATORS EVERYWHERE BUT PARTICULARLY THE VOICES THAT - photo 2THE VITRUVIAN MONKTO CREATORS EVERYWHERE BUT PARTICULARLY THE VOICES THAT KEPT ME AWAKE THROUGH THE MANY LONG NIGHTS IT TOOK ME TO DRAW THIS BOOK:PENN JILLETTE (PENNS SUNDAY SCHOOL), ADAM SAVAGE (STILL UNTITLED), RACHEL MADDOW (TRMS) & HARRY SHEARER (LE SHOW)

ON THE MATTER OF MONKS
It is a sign of these belligerent times that I have to remind readers that the monks in this volume bear no resemblance to monks living, dead, currently enjoying the afterlife, or reincarnated, perhaps as a moose or a legume. Nor is the book aimed at any one religion. It is, rather, my attempt to reconcile some of my own paradoxes: an interest in faith with the deep, abiding belief in a godless and largely deterministic universe. Whether its fake news, alternative facts, diet plans or some miraculous nose clip that will help you stretch your ankles, supernaturalism is on the rise. Yet its often simply too easy to argue the scientific view, whilst ignoring the fact that humans need art, stories, mystery and the humour that exists in the cosmic comedy that makes actors of us all. That, ultimately, is the only purpose of the book.

I hope it makes you laugh and, by laughing, you feel momentary relief from the hard burdens of this world. We need monks because we are all, in some small way, monks ourselves.

Introduction
What are Monks?
WELCOME TO THE MONASTERY OF SILLY WALKS NEW MONKS ARE CAREFULLY SELECTED - photo 3WELCOME TO THE MONASTERY OF SILLY WALKS NEW MONKS ARE CAREFULLY SELECTED - photo 4WELCOME TO THE MONASTERY OF SILLY WALKSNEW MONKS ARE CAREFULLY SELECTED OTHERS ARE NOT SO CAREFULLY SELECTED - photo 5NEW MONKS ARE CAREFULLY SELECTEDOTHERS ARE NOT SO CAREFULLY SELECTED MONKS ARE LIKE DEEPLY SPIRITUAL - photo 6OTHERS ARE NOT SO CAREFULLY SELECTEDMONKS ARE LIKE DEEPLY SPIRITUAL MONKS HAVE TO SACRIFICE MATERIAL - photo 7MONKS ARE, LIKE, DEEPLY SPIRITUAL...MONKS HAVE TO SACRIFICE MATERIAL GOODS SOME MONKS ARE FUNKY MONKS BUT - photo 8MONKS HAVE TO SACRIFICE MATERIAL GOODSSOME MONKS ARE FUNKY MONKS BUT MOST ARE JUST PLAIN SEXY MONKS HAVE - photo 9SOME MONKS ARE FUNKY MONKSBUT MOST ARE JUST PLAIN SEXY MONKS HAVE KNEES LIKE HARDWOOD DECKING - photo 10BUT MOST ARE JUST PLAIN SEXYMONKS HAVE KNEES LIKE HARDWOOD DECKING MONKS IN CARDIGANS ARE CALLED NUNS - photo 11MONKS HAVE KNEES LIKE HARDWOOD DECKINGMONKS IN CARDIGANS ARE CALLED NUNS THE BROTHERS ARE MASTERS OF CAMOUFLAGE - photo 12MONKS IN CARDIGANS ARE CALLED NUNSTHE BROTHERS ARE MASTERS OF CAMOUFLAGE CAN YOU SPOT ALL 10 HOW TO DRAW - photo 13THE BROTHERS ARE MASTERS OF CAMOUFLAGE (CAN YOU SPOT ALL 10?)HOW TO DRAW A MONK Book One A Monks Day BROTHER LUCAS DECIDED TO HAVE A - photo 14HOW TO DRAW A MONK
Book One
A Monks Day
BROTHER LUCAS DECIDED TO HAVE A LIE IN UNTIL 330 AM BROTHER CLARENCE HAD - photo 15BROTHER LUCAS DECIDED TO HAVE A LIE IN UNTIL 330 AM BROTHER CLARENCE HAD - photo 16BROTHER LUCAS DECIDED TO HAVE A LIE IN UNTIL 3.30 AMBROTHER CLARENCE HAD A BELT FOR EVERY OCCASION ALL MODERN MONASTERIES ARE - photo 17BROTHER CLARENCE HAD A BELT FOR EVERY OCCASIONALL MODERN MONASTERIES ARE FITTED WITH LUST SCANNERS THERES NOTHING A - photo 18ALL MODERN MONASTERIES ARE FITTED WITH LUST SCANNERSTHERES NOTHING A POSTMAN FEARS MORE THAN A MONK IN HEAT BROTHER LUKE - photo 19THERES NOTHING A POSTMAN FEARS MORE THAN A MONK IN HEATBROTHER LUKE COULDNT BELIEVE SOME OF THE NONSENSE HE WAS MEANT TO READ - photo 20BROTHER LUKE COULDNT BELIEVE SOME OF THE NONSENSE HE WAS MEANT TO READOTHER MONKS WERE IN AWE OF BROTHER HUBERTS VOW OF CELERY BROTHER FRANCIS - photo 21OTHER MONKS WERE IN AWE OF BROTHER HUBERTS VOW OF CELERYBROTHER FRANCIS ABOUT TO PREACH TO THE SPARROWS WITH HIS WOODEN MALLET OF - photo 22BROTHER FRANCIS ABOUT TO PREACH TO THE SPARROWS WITH HIS WOODEN MALLET OF PURITYBROTHER MORRIS DEVELOPED NEW HYGIENE MEASURES DURING FLU SEASON ONE DAY - photo 23BROTHER MORRIS DEVELOPED NEW HYGIENE MEASURES DURING FLU SEASONONE DAY BROTHER STEPHEN SPROUTED WINGS BROTHER STEPHEN WAS DISAPPOINTED TO - photo 24ONE DAY BROTHER STEPHEN SPROUTED WINGSBROTHER STEPHEN WAS DISAPPOINTED TO LEARN ABOUT THE DEAD SEAGULL STUCK TO HIS - photo 25BROTHER STEPHEN WAS DISAPPOINTED TO LEARN ABOUT THE DEAD SEAGULL STUCK TO HIS BACKBROTHER TIM LIKED TO REMIND PEOPLE THAT HE WAS EX-SAS BROTHER TOM ENJOYED - photo 26BROTHER TIM LIKED TO REMIND PEOPLE THAT HE WAS EX-SASBROTHER TOM ENJOYED BREAKING BREAD WITH OTHER MONKS BROTHER MARK HAD - photo 27BROTHER TOM ENJOYED BREAKING BREAD WITH OTHER MONKSBROTHER MARK HAD FINALLY FIGURED OUT A WAY TO MAKE MILKING THE COW FEEL LESS - photo 28BROTHER MARK HAD FINALLY FIGURED OUT A WAY TO MAKE MILKING THE COW FEEL LESS SINFULSO FAR BROTHER ANDREWS DEEP-SEA BAPTISMS HAD A 60 CHANCE OF RECOVERY HE - photo 29SO FAR, BROTHER ANDREWS DEEP-SEA BAPTISMS HAD A 60% CHANCE OF RECOVERY
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