Clark Berge ssf - Running to Resurrection: A soul-making chronicle

Reading Running to Resurrection reminded me of the words of St Irenaeus of Lyons: The glory of God is a human being fully alive. This book is about Brother Clark Berge SSFs journey to becoming a whole human being. Particularly in relation to being an alcoholic, it is a profoundly inspiring story of redemption. While being deeply challenged and healthily disturbed, I loved the way Clark integrated the relationship between our physical bodies and our spiritual journeys, making reference to a wide range of texts to illuminate what he says. His deep honesty about his own brokenness and innermost struggles, and his degree of self-disclosure and vulnerability, will encourage many on their own tortuous journeys towards resurrection. While the book will have particular resonance for members of religious orders, those suffering from addictions and same-gender-loving persons, all of us on our own journeys of discipleship will be encouraged by what they read. Using his time as Minister General of the Franciscans living in greatly varied contexts, interwoven with running as the backdrop to much of the book, enables the reader to also harvest the fruit of those years. The ability of Brother Clark to describe places and the continuum of the physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual gives the writing a visceral quality. While the book has many memorable passages, I especially loved his homily to the baboons. Running to Resurrection is food for the soul and invites all of us to participate in the resurrection here and now. I am sure St Francis of Assisi enjoyed reading it as much as I did and you will too. Father Michael Lapsley SSM, Institutefor Healing of Memories, Cape Town, South Africa

Also by Clark Berge

The Vows Book: Anglican Teaching on the Vows of Obedience, Poverty and Chastity

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

With love and gratitude to my mother,

Marian Berge

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12.12

First, thanks to my family, my mother and late father, my siblings and their families whose love and support is unconditional.

Thanks to my brothers in the Society of St Francis around the world for their help and support. It has been an adventure growing up in our community. The stories I tell about our life together are told with deep affection. It was an honour to be the Minister General and I am grateful every day for our Franciscan vocation.

I also wish to thank the community of recovering alcoholics around the world who have listened, laughed and cried with me, and pushed me to reflect deeply on my life and to change the way I think and live. Because of them I have had a taste of a life that is happy, joyous and free.

For intellectual stimulation and inspiration during long walks in San Francisco, thanks to Dave Richo. Paula Gooders book Body had an electrifying, liberating impact on me. The book provided a biblical and theological grounding for my reflections, giving them some gravitas. I feel that the way she presents St Paul in a new light is a huge gift to Christians, especially those wishing to heal wounding ideas about their bodies. Although I have never met her, I feel a kinship with her and am grateful for her work. I owe so much to the late Jon Bankert SSF for his loving, provocative friendship, helping me to discover the joys and pains of religious life and to persevere in our vocation.

In preparing this typescript for publication many thanks to VK McCarty for flying to England and spending a week poring over the penultimate draft of this book, sharing her prodigious skill and devotion in editing. She is a dear friend. Thanks to Lorena Touchet, Andy Quinn, Richard Carter, Patrick Woodhouse and my mother for reading and commenting on the typescript with care and insight. Thanks to Patrick Woodhouse for his beautiful photograph of me, and to him and his wife Sam for their great encouragement in all things.

My gratitude goes to Linda Carroll and Joanne Hill and also to Christine Smith, Mary Matthews, Rachel Geddes, Josie Gunn and all at Canterbury Press for their advice, support and hard work.

And a great shout out to the universe for the joy of running, experiencing the presence and love of God in so many places, with so many people, on such a beautiful, fragile earth.

Soul-making includes our bodies Intentional soul-making involves paying attention to movements, activities and relationships that animate us and seeking to engage in something that brings life to as many aspects of our being as possible, as regularly as possible. (Paula Gooder, Body, p. 42)

Running has become a wide-open frontier where my body and spirituality converge, a playground of embodied living. I realized this when a friend asked me about my running during our weekly Bible study.

When I run, I told her, I feel joy in the beauty of the plants and trees, the seashore, the animals and birds I see. I feel part of the neighbourhood, and love greeting people. I feel refreshed even when I am physically tired. I feel stronger, more light-hearted. Often, I solve problems that are preoccupying me, if only to decide they arent really problems. I can even shake off writers block in sermon preparation.

Molly looked at me for a moment, then commented: That sounds like prayer.

Exploring this prayerful, playful practice is the story of this book. Running has helped heal some wounds Ive suffered for a long time, it has forced me to reckon with my strengths and weaknesses, gifts and liabilities as an adult. Running has opened a path for me to what Eugene Peterson in Practice Resurrection calls resurrection life. For years Id lived with the blahs, a dull, half-asleep feeling. Like a rainy Saturday afternoon, this feeling hung between me and the world, blocking the sun, thwarting the unfettered joy for which I longed. There wasnt a crisis, but after five years without alcohol and nearly 15 years as a Franciscan brother I had to acknowledge that something still wasnt right with my life. The heaviness of my heart and belly weighed on me. Eventually, just living with that feeling wasnt good enough. I had no idea what the cause of my problems was. Physically, I was very aware of, and impatient with, lower back pain. Emotionally, I still felt a festering irritation with life and lashed out at others with angry words and gestures, though I worked on changing these behaviours with a therapist and in recovery from alcoholism. My spiritual life was more by rote than a real adventure. And I was only 45 years old. I began to explore different kinds of healing.

A chiropractor kneading my spine and coccyx planted the first disquieting seed of a conversion to a more active life by asking what kind of exercise I did. Clean the house, rake the grass, wash windows, I reeled off the list defensively, in the same manner Id snap before when people asked how much I drank: Not that much! Whoever said half a case of beer was too much? Deep down, after five years without drinking, I knew he was looking for a different answer. I repented of my sarcasm but was reluctant to put in more effort to feel better. Wasnt that his job?