Nadia Bolz-Weber - Salvation on the Small Screen?: 24 Hours of Christian Television
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- Book:Salvation on the Small Screen?: 24 Hours of Christian Television
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Copyright 2008 by Nadia Bolz-Weber.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
Cover design by Rob Carmichael
Cover photos by Janet Loo
Interior design by John Eagleson
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bolz-Weber, Nadia.
Salvation on the small screen? : 24 hours of Christian television / by Nadia
Bolz-Weber.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-59627-086-2 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-1-59627-194-4 (E-book)
1. Television in religion - United States. 2. Television broadcasting
Religious aspects - Christianity. I. Title.
BV656.3.B65 2008
269.260973-dc22
2008024254
Seabury Books
445 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10016
www.churchpublishing.org
For Matthew,
my long-suffering husband,
without whom I would not have
the most beautiful things in my life
5:00 a.m. The Stranger
(Seriously, my Savior would not wear bangs)
5:30 a.m. Paula White Today
(Boosting Gods self-esteem)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
Simul lustus et Peccator
6:00 a.m. Jesse Duplantis Ministries
(Being Charlie in Gods chocolate factory)
6:30 a.m. Enjoying Everyday Life with Joyce Meyer
(Am I a victorious, powerful, stomp-on-the-devils-head Christian?)
7:00 a.m. Changing Your World with Dr. Creflo Dollar
(Resisting the cherry danish with Gods help)
7:30 a.m. John Hagee Today
(At the Ethan Allen Middle East Apocalyptic NewsDesk)
8:00 a.m. Breakthrough with Rod Parsley
(Do the prayer line people have to use stripper names?)
8 30 a.m. Today with Marilyn and Sarah
(I didnt know stickers could do that)
9:00 a.m. Believers Voice of Victory
(The Secret, televangelist-style)
9:30 a.m. Best of Praise the Lord
( Siegfried and Roy go to Burning Man)
11:00 a.m. Behind the Scenes
(Liberals in heaven?)
11:30 a.m. Paula White Today
(Forgetting about kangaroos)
12:00 p.m. Life Today
(In the down-homey log cabin of millionaires)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
The Grassley Six
12:30 p.m. This Is Your Day with Benny Hinn
( Catching the mic in one smooth motion)
1:00 p.m. The 700 Club
(Pentecostal Romper Room)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
What Are People Getting Out of This?
2:00 p.m. John Hagee
(How is a frozen pizza recall news, or Christian,
or Christian news?)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
What Makes Something Christian?
2:30 p.m. Breakthrough with Rod Parsley
(l wonder ifRaise eyes to heaven was on
the teleprompter?)
3:00 p.m. Praise the Lord (PTL)
(Don Ho sings the bad theology ofyour childhood)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
Prayer
5:00 p.m. Ancient Secrets of the Bible
( CorningWare is ruined for me)
5:30 p.m. Rediscovering the Kingdom with Dr. Myles Munroe
( Religion as government)
6:00 p.m. Behind the Scenes
(I think all this anointing has just given me the runs)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
Christology, Pneumatology, and the Absence of Language
6:30 p.m. The Hal Lindsey Report
(Meet my dad)
7:00 p.m. Joel Osteen Ministries
(McPreachys good-time prosperity piata)
7:30 p.m. Ever Increasing Faith
(Every word in the Bible is true. We know this because
the Bible says its true, and, as we already said, every
word of the Bible is true.)
8:00 p.m. Praise the Lord
(Heartbreaking, inspiring, limbless day on PTL)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
What Is Really Being Sold on TBN?
10:00 p.m. Against All Odds
(The session in which I pass out)
10:30 p.m. Life Focus
(Exploring menopause with my ex-boyfriend)
11:00 p.m. The Dream Center with Tommy Barnett
(Dont fake your own kidnapping just because youre
having an affair)
11:30 p.m. This Is Your Day with Benny Hinn
(You cant go wrong combining gold lam shoes and
a Nehru jacket)
Intermission
Reflection on the Blank Screen
Do They Believe It?
12:00 a.m. Pastor Greg
( Sublimated homoeroticism is funny)
12:30 a.m. The Ramp
(Getting under the glory)
1:00 a.m. Virtual Memory
(Seriously? Theres a Book of Jonah)
1:30 a.m. Bananas
(Christians dont need beer and the F-word to be funny)
2:00 a.m. Xtreme Life
(How would Jesus surf?)
2:30 a.m. Team Impact
(Jesus of Nazareth: Lamb of God, or cagefighter?)
3:00 a.m. Childrens Heroes of the Bible
(Ive become a monster)
3:30 a.m. BJs Teddy Bear Club
(Dancingpoultry time!)
4:00 a.m. Greatest Heroes and Legends of the Bible
(Through the rabbit hole)
To say that Christian television is not my thing doesnt even get close. Christian music, Christian bookstores, Christian television, pretty much any aspect of what some call the Christian-Industrial Complex, is not my thing. Meanwhile, I have a blog called Sarcastic Lutheran, I am married to a Lutheran pastor, am involved in the start of a new postmodern, urban Christian community and, God willing, will soon be ordained to the office of Word and Sacrament ministry in the Lutheran Church, all of which is to say, Im pretty Christian.
Im not alone. Simply stated, there are two Christianities in America. (There are countless more Christianities in America that do not fit into the following categories, but humor me.) Group A are Christian and typically still are part of the dominant culture. They read books from the New York Times bestseller list, watch the Simpsons, and listen to pop music. These folks are more likely to belong to the moderate-to-progressive mainline denominations. Group B are also Christian, and they read books and watch TV, but they read Christian books and watch Christian TV and listen to Christian pop; these folks are more likely to be found in the conservative evangelical, Pentecostal, or fundamentalist sector of the church. So what happens when you take someone from Group A and expose her to twenty-four hours of Group B in the form of an entire day and night of Trinity Broadcasting Network? That is the question Seabury Press asked me in the summer of 2007. A year later, this book is one answer to that question.
Honestly, my first reaction to the pitch from Seabury to watch twenty-four consecutive hours of TBN was doesnt the Geneva convention address that somewhere, like right after waterboarding? But soon the idea grew on me, and I began to think of it like Theological Fear Factor or Religious Super Size Me, which made it sound kind of fun. So my first question was, naturally, Can I invite my friends?
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