Dr Michaela Dunbar - Youve Got This: Seven Steps to a Life You Love

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First published by Penguin Michael Joseph in 2022

Copyright Dr Michaela Dunbar, 2022

The moral right of the author has been asserted

, copyright Dr Russ Harris, ACT for Worrying, Ruminating & Obsessing (July 29, 2021)

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ISBN: 978-0-241-54575-1

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To every girl who ever doubted herself.
Trust me, youve got this.
Love, Michaela x

Let me be honest with you, psychology is a career I kind of fell into.

For a long time I didnt even know clinical psychology was a real job I thought it was just something you saw on TV dramas. And it certainly wasnt the sort of thing a girl from rowdy Lewisham would grow up thinking was an option for her. At my school, if you left without a baby, that was considered a win.

But here we are!

I was a low-key nerd at school. I wasnt academic, but I worked hard, kept out of trouble and, as a result, I managed to get an undergraduate degree. I chose to study psychology purely because Id quite enjoyed it at A level and didnt really know what else to do.

I ended up falling hook, line and sinker for it. The more I learned, the more fascinated I became, and by the time I got accepted on to my doctorate I knew there was nothing else I would rather be doing with my life.

A major reason for that was wanting to help empower women to unlock their full potential. I worked across lots of different client groups during my research roles and placements, but it was with them that I always got my best results. I felt most energetic and passionate working with women.

The women I was seeing were ambitious and driven but trapped by anxiety, overthinking, imposter syndrome and a crippling fear of failure. And so lacking in confidence that they were probably giving only 55 per cent of themselves.

We know that women are already at structural and systemic disadvantages as soon as they step into the workplace, and here was a whole group of people whose talents were being stifled even further by their own difficult emotions and intrusive thoughts. They were successful in their fields and working on huge projects with global brands I could clearly see how brilliant and bright they were. I just needed them to join the dots and believe it themselves.

As someone who had spent her whole life wrestling with anxiety and doubt, I knew how they were feeling. I am unapologetically myself today, but it took time to get to this point. I am a wounded healer who is not above struggle, and Im going to share with you more about my journey throughout this book.

Before we go any further, you should know that my style of therapy is different to a lot of the prescriptive psychology out there. I like to cut through the bullshit, and Im not a fan of jargon. I dont have a therapy voice. You know, all softly spoken and head-tilty. My sessions are a mix of fun and serious. We can joke not everything has to be heavy!

Sure, I use the trusted and established models, but I also need to connect with people, validate them and show empathy, and leaving the NHS to set up my own private practice has given me more freedom to do things my way.

In this book were going to talk about stuff that is hard, but Im going to give it a lighter flavour. This is an easy introduction to sorting out your mental wellbeing, and I hope we can also chip away at some of the stigma that still exists around seeking therapy or admitting we need help.

For some reason, even now, theres shame in saying: Im not OK, I feel shit, or I cried for an hour last night and woke up feeling worse. Instead, we tend to say: Yeah, Im good, thanks. How are you? with a smile, regardless of the turmoil going on beneath that brave face.

I used to be a hundred per cent guilty of this. Youd never catch me telling people my problems I was the therapist, after all! I finally managed to break what Dr Russ Harris calls the conspiracy of silence, except I started by sharing my thoughts with a few hundred thousand Instagram followers and then I made my way back to my real-life bestie and told her too!

The result of this was both overwhelming and underwhelming for me. On the one hand, I felt good. But when the judgement Id feared from others, which for years had stopped me speaking up, never actually came and I was just left feeling better how anticlimactic for my catastrophic and melodramatic thoughts was that?!

Since launching @MyEasyTherapy in October 2019, weve created a lovely (not so) little community where people share their experiences and help each other. I can hardly believe there are so many of us more than 700,000 but it feels really cool to be a part of it.

So, thats me. How about you? Do you feel good enough to be able to get through the issues that are holding you back? If the answer is currently no, were going to get you to yes. This will work for you. Its hard but, you know what? Its not that hard. Its doable.

The thing you think is unique to you and makes you somehow defective? No. This is a human being issue, not a you issue. And if you take on board what were going to explore together, there is no way you wont see a change by the end of it.

Each one of these chapters is about setting the foundations for anything in life you want to go on to do next. They will give you the basics that will keep you afloat, hopefully for ever.

I want you to promise me one thing though: that you wont let this book gather dust on the shelf (its too cute for that). Read it, implement these practices and you will become a person who can have any thought, and any feeling, and still do what the f*** she needs to do to get to where she needs to be.

You deserve this, and Im excited for you because I can totally see whats in there. Just remember, Im here, right behind you all the way. So lets do it together.