Jason Boyett - O Me of Little Faith: True Confessions of a Spiritual Weakling

J ason Boyett is a blogger, writer, and speaker who lives in Amarillo, Texas. He is the author of several books, most notably the Pocket Guide series (including Pocket Guide to the Apocalypse, Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, and Pocket Guide to the Bible).

Jason has been featured on the History Channel and the National Geographic Channel and writes regularly about religion and popular culture. Follow Jason online at www.jasonboyett.com and twitter.com/jasonboyett.

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ZONDERVAN

O Me of Little Faith

Copyright 2010 by Jason Boyett

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

ePub Edition MARCH 2010 ISBN: 978-0-310-56334-1

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Boyett, Jason.

O me of little faith : true confessions of a spiritual weakling / Jason Boyett.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-310-28949-4 (softcover)

1. Faith 2. Boyett, Jason. I. Title.

BV4637.B69 2010

234.23-dc22

2009051034

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, Todays New International Version TNIV. Copyright 2001, 2005 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

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To my grandparents, John and Mary Boyett and John and Cleta Brown, who despite incredible hardships have maintained a strong, inspiring faith and passed it along to the rest of us.

I am a Christian. I have been a Christian for most of my life. But there are timesa growing number of times, to be honestwhen Im not entirely sure I believe in God.

There. I said it.

So now you know, and we can both relax and talk about it. Confessing the presence of spiritual uncertainty in my life is a relief. I can breathe easier now because I dont have to pretend. I dont have to hide my conflicted feelings when we talk about Jesus and the Bible. I dont have to feel like a jerk if you, or anyone else, look to me as some kind of spiritual expert or teacher. I dont have to tiptoe around the word most of us hesitate to use in church or around Christian friends because it freaks us out so much.

Doubt.

Now that its out in the open, I can strip off my happy Christian mask, climb down from whatever pedestal Ive hoisted myself up on, and be who I really am: a committed follower of Jesus who occasionally finds himself wondering if maybe, just maybe, weve made this whole thing up.

Lets back up for a minute though, because there will be plenty of room in this book for me to talk about myself. What I want to discuss here, at the beginning, is you. Lets talk about whats going through your head right now. I have a feeling you might be thinking one of two things.

The first is this: Hes not sure he believes in God? The last thing I need to read is the navel gazing of some self-absorbed, relativistic, weak-minded writer who struggles with faith. If you have so much trouble believing in God, dude, why dont you quit writing books and start reading the Word? (You might start with James 1:6.) Pray or something, but quit blabbing about it. Its bad enough that youre questioning your own faith. Dont pull us down with you!

Is that your response? If so, thats fine. Dont worry about it, because its not unexpected, and I totally forgive you for calling me weak-minded. Also, I admit to being a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind, as James so colorfully puts it. Im not especially proud of being a doubter. Like treading water in the ocean during a tropical storm, it can be exhausting, uncomfortable, and fairly dangerous-but Im not going to pretend that it doesnt have some redeeming qualities.

Nor am I going to get defensive. Youre a little mean, perhaps, but not entirely wrong in wanting me to shut up so I dont mess up the current quality of your belief. I dont want to do that. So if you are rock-steady in your faith and have no interest in reading a book about doubt, then by all means, put this one down. Put it back on the shelf. Walk away slowly and enjoy your blessings. Firm faith is a gift. Im happy for youI wish I could be you.

But Im not. Which brings us to a second potential reaction to my doubters confession. Its one of recognition and relief: I completely understand about the doubt thing. What youre going through? Same here. I have doubts, too. Big ones. I try to ignore them, I try to fight against them, and I try to pray for more faith. But no matter what books I read or what sermons I hear, I cant get rid of these doubts.

If you identify with me, keep reading. Maybe were on the same road and we can walk together. Its not the straight, easy road to faith. Its no smooth interstate highway with well-lit rest stops and clean restrooms and lots of gas stations. Its not always purpose-driven. Its not the road where the driving comes with a great soundtracka crisp satellite radio connection to the Almighty.

Nope, ours is the doubters road. Its a winding, weird back road that never seems to get anywhere fast. This road is poorly lit, cratered with potholes, and far from flat. Every once in awhile it steers up into the mountains, where the air is fresh and the views are spectacular. But mostly it unwinds its graveled way through valleys, across deserts, and past sketchy small towns. The soundtrack of Gods voice crackles on the A.M. band through speakers that have seen better days.

Its far from boring, of course, and eventually we may even reach the same destination as those on the faith superhighway. Theres a lot to be gained by taking the road less traveled, but this is one scenic route that rarely gets recommended.

You know what its like. Youve doubted in the past. Maybe youre wracked with uncertainty right now. Or maybe youre preparing for the future. You realize that your faithwhile active and vigorous todayis nevertheless fragile. At this point things are moving along nicely, but you cant guarantee theyll stay this way. If something terrible happens, will your faith survive? Will you cling to Jesus when your headlights barely brighten the road ahead and all you hear is static?

Ive had the opportunity to speak about my journey of doubt at colleges and churches and in small groups, and Im always surprised at the number of people for whom the topic is deeply resonant. Thank you for being honest about this stuff, people say. Theyre usually whispering, and they lean in like theyre about to tell me a secret. Actually, I feel the same way you do. Almost all the time. Its good to know Im not alone.