TOLA FISHER - Still Standing: 100 Lessons from an Unsuccessful Life

I was 29, living in a flatshare in London, drunk texting my almost ex-husband to try to get him to sleep with me again. I missed him so much it was painful, but this was a record low. God had let my daughter die and my marriage fall apart, so I hadnt been to church in months. I was barely functioning at work and found myself wondering: how had I gone from having everything to suddenly losing it all?

My plan was to be married with three children by the time I was 24. I loved boys, children and entertaining; I was ambitious too. The perfect poster girl for a promising future professional highs alongside domestic success. As it happens, I was engaged at 24, married at 26, bereaved of our child at 28 and divorced by 30. So far, so not according to plan.

As a perfectionist and a Christian this felt like failure on an immeasurable scale. In church, where a womans Sunday Best is too often having the perfect nuclear family, people would frequently ask if I had a family. Apparently, my parents and siblings didnt count. As a millennial, Im surrounded by messages that suggest societal expectations for women have changed, but for Christians, the age-old message can often feel the same: get married, have babies, live a great life! But even if you do get there, is there where we find contentment?

As a journalist, writing has always been therapeutic for me, and this book is born out of journals from my wilderness years years during which the lessons from my testimony have really taken place. Divorced and childless, I had well-meaning friends who encouraged me that when I remarried or had another baby, things would feel completely different. But God does not want us to wait until we have what we (think we) want to live the amazing life he has for us. Theres a scripture in John 10.10 in which Jesus says, The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly. This is a lifestyle I truly believe in and am learning to live by, not because of who I am or what I have, but because of who God says I am and what he has for me.

Recently one of my friends said that she loved how I celebrate myself. At first, I was offended; was she saying that I was a show-off? In reality, she was actually talking about the way I live. I dance on tables, wear my best lingerie every day, pop bottles of champagne at any and every opportunity, and love God through it all admittedly, some days better than others. It is not because Im fancy. Its because God has shown me that despite the pain, life is full of opportunities to live an abundant, joyful life. Life is a gift from God, and if we look hard enough, there is always something to celebrate. So whatever situation you find yourself in, I hope that as I share some of the things God has taught and continues to teach me, these bruised and broken, sometimes completely bonkers, accounts will encourage you to live that John 10.10, full of abundant life that God came to give. My prayer for you is that no matter how many knocks you take, you will find yourself still standing.

Two years ago, after pitching it to more than 100 publishers and literary agents, it was Philip Law, SPCKs Publishing Director who saw the potential in Still Standing and sent it on to my wonderful editor Elizabeth Neep. After reading my hard won manuscript, she said, This is a great first draft! Thank you Elizabeth for championing my writing and showing me how the book process works, and to SPCK for giving me the yes I had been searching for.

Mum taught me to read and write and I recognize that without her early intervention, the trajectory of my life could have gone very differently. Love you Mumma. To my dear friend Valerie Jeannis, Im amazed that you believed in me so much that you sent me a guide on how to write a book, long before I put pen to paper. Ill never forget that. There are many people who have encouraged and supported not just my writing journey but also my life and there isnt enough space to list everyone here (blame my editor for the one page limit!). But I want to mention a few of those who really pushed me as I slow jogged towards the finish line by listening to me moan, reading my drafts and being first in line to buy