Gem Fadling - Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads

A few years prior, we had launched our own non-profit, Unhurried Living. It had been a wonderful experience and yet the same dynamics that make it amazing, also make it stressfulbuilding something from scratch, discerning how best to serve, creating continuous inspirational content, training, teaching, and travel. I love every part of what I do. But as we were building our organization, I experienced recurring run-ins with my newfound ambition and an anxious straining. These bouts of anxiety would build up and about once a year, I would hit a wall. I would continue to work but inside, the car was running out of gas and the type of fuel changed without notice. My body would speak up (usually through exhaustion), and I would make necessary adjustments in my thinking and in the way I was working.

To be clear, I was, in fact, drinking my own unhurried Kool-Aid: I was practicing the things we teach people through Unhurried Living and had done so for years. And yet there was still something about the way I was (or wasnt) managing my anxiety and stress that began to take a toll. The fourth yearly occurrence of this pressure ended up being more than I could handle with my regular patterns. Looking back, I now see that the unaddressed voices of the Stressed Achiever and the Inner Critic were wreaking havoc.

At the time, we were talking with a consultant about a new program we were going to launch along with the marketing efforts surrounding it. Before I knew it, this conversation triggered me, and I descended into a spiral of anxiety. We were rolling along just fine until the consultant mentioned the timeline: the new program would begin in just one month. In his mind, the timing made sense because we would be riding the wake of another offering. But hearing that date sent shock waves through my body.

Youre not ready.

Youll never keep up.

What are you thinking? You cant do this.

There isnt enough time.

What if it doesnt work?

These were just some of the thoughts that comingled with my adrenaline and sent me into fight or flight mode. This became the handle that turned on the flow of anxiety. These thoughts flooded in like a raging river, I accepted them as my own, and I became overwhelmed at the idea of beginning a new aspect of our work. Undiscerned thoughts will often do this. Rather than leaving our thoughts unexamined, it is better to engage the Inner Observer, that aspect of ourselves that can step back from the subjectivity of the moment. The Inner Observer is a non-biased aspect that can help us, along with the Holy Spirit, to take time to notice, discern, and respond. I had become acquainted with my Inner Observer many years before but, for some reason, she took the day off, and I was swept away by the roaring rapids of anxiety.

Even with my regular spiritual practices, I was unable to manage the level of stress I was feeling. I continued to push, and, at the same time, I didnt pause to process the anxiety in my emotions or my body. Unconscious drives kept the spigot turned on. So, I called my former counselor for a checkup.

I would find out later from my counselor that I was experiencing the pulsating release of adrenaline, and thankfully he helped me learn how to manage this dynamic. Normally, once adrenaline is released, it washes through. However, I felt the heightened sensations in my body and then added lots of unhelpful thoughts that culminated in ongoing, anxiety-producing aftershocks. For a few weeks, I was on high alert all day, every day. I began to feel like the sole of a worn-out shoe; I was moving forward, but I had no traction.

I began to feel like the sole of a worn-out shoe; I was moving forward, but I had no traction.

In addition, I knew I would need a refreshed re-working of my thoughts as they sent me into the ongoing, unrelenting, pulsing waves of anxiety. I was being invited to dig down even deeper into the well to find new levels of some much-needed freedom.