John Piper - This momentary marriage : a parable of permanence

This Momentary Marriage MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 1 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM Books By John PiPerGods Passion for His GloryDont Waste Your LifeThe Pleasures of GodThe Passion of Jesus ChristDesiring GodLife as a VaporThe Dangerous Duty of DelightA God-Entranced Vision of Al ThingsFuture Grace (with Justin Taylor) A Hunger for GodWhen I Dont Desire GodLet the Nations Be Glad!Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (with Justin Taylor) A Godward LifeTaste and SeePierced by the WordFifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to DieSeeing and Savoring Jesus ChristGod Is the GospelThe Legacy of Sovereign JoyContending for Our AllThe Hidden Smile of GodWhat Jesus Demands from the WorldThe Roots of EnduranceAmazing Grace in the Life ofThe Misery of Job and the Mercy of GodWilliam WilberforceThe InnkeeperBattling UnbeliefThe Prodigals SisterSuffering and the Sovereignty of GodRecovering Biblical Manhood (with Justin Taylor) and Womanhood50 Crucial QuestionsWhats the Difference?When the Darkness Will Not LiftThe Justification of GodThe Future of JustificationCounted Righteous in ChristThe Supremacy of Christ in a PostmodernWorldBrothers, We Are Not Professionals (with Justin Taylor) Spectacular SinsThe Supremacy of God in PreachingBeyond the Bounds (with Justin Taylor) MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 2 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM This Momentary Marriage A Parable of Permanence John Piper C R O S S W AY B O O K S W H E A T O N , I L L I N O I S MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 3 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM This Momentary Marriage Copyright 2009 by Desiring God Foundation Published by Crossway Books a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers 1300 Crescent Street Wheaton, Illinois 60187 Al rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Cover design and illustration by: Christopher Koelle and Matt Mantooth at Portland Studios, Inc. First printing, 2009 Printed in the United States of America Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission.

All rights reserved. All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author. MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 4 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM To Ruth and Bill Piper Pamela and George Henry whose marriages were broken only by death MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 5 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 6 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM Contents Foreword: Pendulums and Pictures by Nol Piper Introduction: Marriage and Martyrdom 1 Staying Married Is Not Mainly about Staying in Love 2 Naked and Not Ashamed 3 Gods Showcase of Covenant-Keeping Grace 4 Forgiving and Forbearing 5 Pursuing Conformity to Christ in the Covenant 6 Lionhearted and LamblikeThe Christian Husband as Head : Foundations of Headship 7 Lionhearted and LamblikeThe Christian Husband as Head: What Does It Mean to Lead? 8 The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission 9 Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters 10 Singleness, Marriage, and the Christian Virtue of Hospitality 11 Faith and Sex in Marriage 12 Marriage Is Meant for Making Children... Disciples of Jesus: How Absolute Is the Duty to Procreate? 13 Marriage Is Meant for Making Children... Disciples of Jesus: The Conquest of Anger in Father and Child 14 What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate: The Gospel and the Radical New Obedience MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 7 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM 15 What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate: The Gospel and the Divorced Conclusion: This Momentary Marriage A Few Words of Thanks Scripture Index Person Index Subject Index A Note on Resources: Desiring God MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 8 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM Foreword: Pendulums and Pictures Nol Piper I know some couples who think and feel so much alike that they can work together, minister together, live together, and raise children together with hardly any conflict. Well, there might be a couple like that.

But its not us. On personality analyses we two chart out as almost exactly oppo site. According to Ruth Bell Graham, thats good. Shes famous for say ing that if two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary. But there are times I think wed be more than willing to experiment with that kind of not being necessary. In our real life, I swing somewhere between two extremes.

At one end of the pendulums arc, Im in wonder: How in the world did I get such an amazing husband? What did I ever do that he should have paid me a bit of notice, never mind that he asked me to marry him? We took a marriage assessment during one of my blissful periods. The results placed me high on the idealism scale, recognizing few problem areas in our marriagein other words, according to the experts, fairly unreliable. Somewhere on that upswing is where I wish we could stay, where theres nothing hindering our enjoyment of each otherlike during one vacation in the Blue Ridge Mountains: Away Reading in rocking chair,Butterflies and black bear,Moss and mushrooms, MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 9 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM 10 ForewordPictures and poems,Songs and swing,Woodpeckers on wing,Worship and walking,Time for talking,Scrabble and sleep...A quiet to keep.With you. By contrast, when inertia and resistance are dragging us downward, Im asking myself, How in the world did we get into such a mess? What happened to make us feel this kind of disagreement and unhappiness? We observed our silver anniversary during such a season: Going for Gold What a way to prepare for our partywas it you who hurt me or I you?But our smiles were constrained to seem heartya veneer we were all too used to.May the next twenty-five be as great asthe first! they said with their hugs and smiles,while I tried to dream up an aliasId adopt after bolting for miles.But I knew I would stay. How could I fleethe one who knew me, yet loved me still?Then Beryl, whose years with Arnold were sixty,matter-of-factly thawed my hearts chill.The years that are coming will be the best;the first twenty-five are the hardest. Since I apparently cant see much beyond the emotions of the moment, if we were to ask for a counselors evaluation during those hard times, it probably would seem to reveal a marriage in trouble, a judgment just as misleading as that of idealism during days of al s wel with the world. The pendulum of our marriage oscil ates and sometimes wobbles, but it is suspended from above and is firmly attached. By Gods grace, it will not crash to the ground.

This year we celebrate our fortieth anni MomentaryMarriageDG.i03.indd 10 8/12/08 11:22:02 AM Foreword 11 versary, and thanks to God, we feel like celebrating as we press toward the gold of our fiftieth, if God should be gracious to give us so many years. We know it is the weight of our sin that accelerates us into the seasons at the bottom. But heres the amazing, unbelievable thinga profound mystery, as Paul says: A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.... and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph. 5:3132). Marriage refers to Christ and the churchevery marriage, no matter how pendulum-like because of our sin; every marriage, even if the couple doesnt care a bit about Jesus.