Robert Holden Ph.D. - Be Happy!: Release the Power of Happiness in YOU

the

happiness

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O ne week before you begin my happiness course, you are sent in the mail a document called The Happiness Interview. The idea is that you set aside one hour to interview yourself on happiness. You are the intervieweralthough there is nothing to stop you from pretending that Oprah or another talk-show host is interviewing you. You may wish to do The Happiness Interview alone or with a friend, a partner, or anyone else you are close to. All I ask is that you take a full 60 minutes (or more), that you answer the questions as honestly as possible, and that you hand in a copy to me on the morning of our first class.

The Happiness Interview is a friendly primer that helps you to prepare for your happiness journey over the next eight weeks. It is designed to help you start thinking more consciously and more deeply about the true nature of happiness. The interview includes questions like What is your definition of happiness? And are you living it? And Who is the happiest person you know? And what have they taught you about true happiness? I find that few people have ever given a full hour of their lives to this important subject. And yet, everyone who does this interview gains some valuable insight and knowledge.

The Happiness Interview asks you why you want to take the happiness course (or, indeed, why you want to read this book). What are your primary intentions and motivations? Clarity of intention helps you, I believe, to be more receptive and to engage more fully in whatever you give yourself to. The interview also asks you to name any hopes or fears you have about the course. This helps me to tailor a program that meets the specific needs of the individuals and the group.

The main reason for The Happiness Interview is that I want you to reflect on where happiness ranks in your life. How important is happiness to you? And why? For instance, is happiness a primary life goal for you? Do you ever make happiness a conscious intention at the start of your day? Do you consider happiness to be part of your lifes purpose? Right now, is your priority to be happier or to make more money? Do you want to be truly happy, or do you prefer to play it safe? The more you acknowledge the importance of happiness in your life, the more deeply you will want to dive into your happiness inquiry. And

the deeper you inquire into the nature of true happiness,the more fully true happiness will reveal itself to you.

To prepare for writing this book, I reread several hundred Happiness Interviews handed in over the last 16 years. I could fill this entire book with marvelous excerpts, but, instead, I offer just onewritten by Jo, a medical doctor in her 40s, who attended the course in 1998. Here is what she wrote:

I dont think I have ever let myself admit just how important happiness is to me. Ive always wanted to be happy. I guess I just hoped happiness would bump into me one day. Just like a happy accident. Maybe Im scared of committing to happinessand failing. Imagine attending a happiness course and getting a failing grade at the end. What could be worse?! Or maybe Ive become too cynical for my own good. I feel like a part of me has given up on happiness. These days, I just try to look cool.

I really want to commit to happiness nownot just for my sake, but for my husbands sake and for my childrens sake. I know I will be a better wife, mother, AND FRIEND to them if I am happier. I dont just want to play safeand get through life unhurt. I want to get to the TRUTH of what life is really aboutand I think this happiness course can help. I dont want to look cool; I want to be REAL. And I want to participate WHOLEHEARTEDLY in my lifestarting from now. So, I sign up. And I commit 100% to this course. Now Robert, lets get started!

Indeed! Your happiness course has already begun. And from now on I invite you to imagine you are sitting in the class with me as you continue to read this book.

Wishing for Happiness

Imagine you were granted one personal wish for your life. What would you wish for? Remember, its a personal wish of which you are the sole recipient. So really, its your chance to give yourself a gift. One good answer is, Id wish for a lot more wishes. But lets imagine this is a one-shot deal. What do you most wish for yourself? Think carefully. Now, name your wish. Visualize your wish. Feel your wish. And wish that your wish come true.

On the first morning of the happiness course, I introduce the participants to an exercise called The Happiness Genie. The purpose of this exercise is to test even further how important happiness is to you. I set the scene by asking you to imagine you have just met your own personal happiness genie. I invite people to describe what their genies look like and what they are wearing. Typical answers include Brad Pitt and Not much. I try to help the group stay focused, but sometimes its difficult. Eventually, after a few more explicit fantasies, reality kicks in again.

Next, I explain that your happiness genie is going to grant you a set of 10 either/or wishes. I reveal the wishes one by one, and I collect the votes as we go. I have played The Happiness Genie with many groups over the years and the results are always very similar and also very revealing. They teach us a lot about how important happiness is to us, and they also reveal something about why happiness is so important.

Wish #1: Wealth or Happiness. A no-brainer, surely? By choosing wealth you have no more money worries ever. You need never cut up another credit card. There will be no more transaction declined moments at cash registers. And, just for the fun of it, you can visit an ATM, punch in your PIN, and enjoy the beautiful scenery of your huge bank balance. And the rest of your life will be a paradisiacal and leisurely shopping spree in which you can purchase happily ever after. Score: on average, 90 people out of 100choose happiness.

Wish #2: Success or Happiness. The personal happiness genie offers you the chance to enjoy unlimited, guaranteed success in whichever field you choose. Score: on average, 92 people out of 100 choose happiness. David, a very wealthy former CEO of a global information technology company, attended the course in 2001. Like many other people, he chose happiness. Ive experienced success without happiness before, he said, and what Ive learned is that happiness is the one life goal that makes all other life goals meaningful.

Wish #3: Fame or Happiness. Todays society worships the celebrity culture. Who doesnt want to be famous? Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be a guitarist in a world-famous rock band. I was so committed to this goal that I practiced signing my autograph for hours a day. I even got detention for practicing my autograph during a math test. Who needs math when youre going to be famous? Score: on average, 94 people out of 100 choose happiness.

Wish #4: Status or Happiness. Status, recognition, power, and the need to be above average are primary ego drivers. We compare ourselves incessantly, both upwards and downwards, with anyone who gets close to us. Score: onaverage, 98 people out of 100 choose happiness. Sally, a former model, who had worked for over 20 years in the highly competitive world of fashion, also chose happiness. She said, One of the beautiful effects of true happiness is that I stop comparing myself so neurotically and tragically with others.

Wish #5: Attractiveness or Happiness. Humans love to look good and to feel good. But which do we like the most? In social research surveys, some men and the majority of women say they would like to look more attractive.