Kristen Johnston - Guts: The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster

One of the best books written from the addicts perspective Ive ever read.

SCOTT BIENENFELD, M.D., addiction psychiatrist

Hilarious and moving... as engaging as any fiction.

ISAAC MIZRAHI

GUTS is an amazing, alive, crazy, breathing, raw, throbbing, and above all, brilliant testament to one womans courage, humor, and heart. Everyone who reads it will live lighter.

BRAD LAMM, interventionist and bestselling author

GUTS is hilarious and heartbreaking and truly shocking.... [Told] with remarkable mastery.

SCOTT ELLIOTT, artistic director of The New Group

GUTS is at once deadly serious and wildly hilarious an impossible magic trick at which you are powerless not to stare.

ROB BURNETT, executive producer, The Late Show with David Letterman

GUTS is utterly brilliant, every page brimming with Kristens sexy wit. Disarming in its honesty, hysterically funny, and so heartbreakingly brutal.

KATE WINSLET

GUTS is spirited, raw, and thrilling... with an unapologetic ferocity and a generosity of spirit that instantaneously engages your heart.

GEORGE C. WOLFE, director and writer

GUTS is the opposite of the usual celebrity tell-alla captivating, laugh-out-loud, totally vulnerable, and excellently crafted book.

ANDY COHEN, VP of programming and host at Bravo TV

GUTS is absolutely dazzling and completely inspirational on so many levels. Ive never read anything like it.

TATUM ONEAL

GUTS is a shamefully moving, entertaining, painful, hilarious, brave, and ridiculously honest tour de force.

KATHY NAJIMY

I was shocked, enlightened, awed, and moved to tears.

JOE MANTELLO, director

Told with fearless, devastating honesty, laser-precision humor, and a refreshing lack of self-pity.

JOE SCHRANK, editor and co-founder of TheFix.com

Kristen Johnstons heart and soul are transcribed in this book, and her wit is irresistible.

CHRISTIAN SIRIANO

KRISTEN JOHNSTON is an actress, a teacher, and now, of course, an enormously celebrated writer. Johnston is one of the founding executive directors of SLAM, which is dedicated to creating New York Citys first sober high school. She lives in New York City with her pit bull, Pinky, who suffers from a food addiction. Visit her website at www.gutsthebook.com .

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JACKET DESIGN BY KRISTEN JOHNSTON

FRONT COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY DAVID NEWSOM

AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH BY ART STREIBER 2011 VIACOM INTERNATIONAL INC. COURTESY OF TV LAND.

COPYRIGHT 2012 SIMON & SCHUSTER

Gallery Books
A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2012 by Kristen Johnston

Note to Readers
Some names and identifying details of people portrayed in this book have been changed; in one instance, a character is a composite of two people; and in a few instances, the chronology of events has been slightly altered for pace.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Gallery Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Gallery Books hardcover edition March 2012

GALLERY BOOKS and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Designed by Jason Snyder

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Johnston, Kristen
Guts : the endless follies and tiny triumphs of a giant disaster / by Kristen Johnston.
p. cm.
1. Johnston, Kristen, 1967 2. ActorsUnited StatesBiography.
3. Drug addictsUnited StatesBiography. I. Title.
PN2287.J582A3 2012
792.02'8092dc23
[B]

2011044413

ISBN 978-1-4516-3505-8 (Print)
ISBN 978-1-4516-3507-2 (eBook)

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO THE PEOPLE OF LONDON.

ESPECIALLY THE OVERWORKED, UNDERPAID, TALENTED, AND OCCASIONALLY UNPLEASANT STAFF OF THE HOSPITAL.

YOU SAVED MY LIFE,

IN WAYS YOULL NEVER KNOW.

OH, AND TO ALL THE FREAKS.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

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The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.

CHUCK PALAHNIUK

Somebodys boring me

I think its me.

DYLAN THOMAS

thank you ever so much for buying my book. I feel as if I know you already, and maybe even kind of like you. You certainly have exquisite taste in reading materials. As long as you dont talk shit about me behind my back or send me naked pictures of yourself playing guitar, were good. (And, yes, Im referring to you, inmate 49607.)

I thought it might be best if we got a few things straight before I tell you way more about me than you ever wanted to know. For starters, because in recent years the validity of some events in certain memoirs have been called into question, Id like to begin by vowing to you that every single stupid, funny, tragic, shocking, disgusting, and boring thing in this book really happened to me.

At least, I think so.

No, Im pretty sure.

You see, there are certain portions of my life that I was wide awake for, yet completely unaware of, even while they were happening. And no, Im not crazy. Well, thats not really true. Im not mental institution crazy. Yet.

I cant begin to tell you how tempted I am to fill you in on the reason I have such gaping holes in my memory, but I think its way too early for that. I mean, I cant very well tell you everything in the introduction, can I? Besides, its a crucial plot point, and I should probably at least try to make an effort to build up some dramatic tension before revealing it